Wow! Over six years of blogging has led to this being my 1500th post. I certainly have had a lot to say over the years. I'm not sure anyone is still reading, but that's completely okay. This started out as a way to share stories and news with far-away friends, but really, it's just about our memories. Hopefully someday my kids will read this and they'll know me a little better.
This post falls on a day when I'm really just torn apart...from far to wide. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a type A personality. I'm an organizer and a planner, and I get things done...I take care of things. It is who I am. I'm not a perfectionist by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm definitely Type A.
I'm also a worrier. The greatest comfort in life is safety and security with no surprises. My husband long ago learned I do NOT like surprises...even good ones. I simply like to know what comes next and be prepared...which goes back to my planning! Therefore in life, I like to make sure that everything is nicely planned out with no surprises, and I try to prepare for worst case scenario...because if I can handle that, I can handle anything that comes along less than that!
Obviously, this is exhausting, and it takes a toll. It is physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. Sometimes I'm not even aware of the toll it takes. Tomorrow is a big day with Robert. He faces his actions and learns consequences, and it's going to be tough. Andrew asked me last night how I was dealing with things, and I explained that I am on constant alert. Every time the phone rings, every text I receive, every email from school...until I know the content I panic and wonder what it is I have to deal with next. Andrew had no idea that I lived so intensely in this way.
Today kind of revs things up as well. The very first news story that greeted me this morning was about the attacks in Belgium. It is heartbreaking to say the least. My prayers go out to everyone. Closer to home, we are having another issue with middle school. Catherine has been "asked out" by a sixth grade boy. She has firmly explained she isn't interested and has asked on more than one occasion for him to leave her alone. Thomas has even asked that this young man leave his sister alone. The last 24 hours have brought a barrage of emails from this young man to Catherine...full of swearing and borderline threats to both Catherine and Thomas. While I would like to think this young man is only 12 and has no means by which to carry out violence, I live in a reality that is quite different. I've informed the principals who are in contact with the counselors, and I've told both of my kids to just steer clear of the young man. I am hoping that with time and distance this young man's focus will be on something else.
To be honest, I find it sad (and of course, a little scary) that this young man knows some of the words and concepts that he has been espousing toward my daughter. I find it even sadder that I know that he is far from the only one. Today, I am praying for peace in our world, in our home, and in our hearts.
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