I wish I could say that yesterday was the end of the emotions for the weekend, but that is not the case. Last evening I learned about the death of a schoolmate. It wasn't someone I knew well, although I had known his brother better. The deceased had graduated two years ahead of me and I had interacted with him minimally. Having said that, he was only two years older. That is always something to make one question one's own mortality. Sadly, I've learned it was most likely a drug related death.
This morning I was greeted by the news of the death of someone I had known better as a child. To be honest, I thought she had already passed away and I had just missed it at some point. It turns out she had been suffering from dementia. I also learned we shared the same birthday. While at lunch with my mother and grandmothers, I learned about the death of a brother of a friend and classmate of my parents. He wasn't yet 60, and again, it is sad news that makes one question mortality.
The most emotional thing about today though, was dealing with my sister. We are considering purchasing a car from her that she had offered to give us years ago. She rescinded her offer however, when Robert started pulling his stunts. I'm not entirely certain what that has to do with Andrew and I and us paying for the car, but I'm sure it is her passive aggressive way of letting us know she thinks we are lousy parents. I guess I should be grateful she is being passive aggressive as she has been known to come right out and tell us what she thinks of us as parents. Anyway, we went today to give it a test drive, and the fact that I knocked on the door instead of ringing the doorbell, the fact that we came into the house because the kids had no where else to sit, and the fact that Andrew needed to use the restroom all managed to annoy her to no end and she didn't even want to discuss selling the car to me. Robert even mentioned to my mom about what a bad mood she was in. It truly, truly bothers me that my kids see my sister treat me as she does. I was working so hard to make sure I didn't offend her because I truly never know what will set her off.
My emotions are so out of whack this weekend that I cried on the way home. She hasn't been shy to express how awful it was growing up as her sister, and I'll be honest...I don't know what I did. She mentioned to someone last week how she had to tell me that she didn't need me to be her third parent. That is so odd...that is exactly the way I always felt about her. I don't even remember wanting to be around her as an adolescent so I really don't know what she's talking about. I do remember stopping to see her at school when we were really little, like when she was in first or second grade. I suppose it might have been perceived as being overbearing and parental, but honestly it was just that I liked seeing my little sister. In our adolescent years I always felt that she was being the third parent because she always made sure Mom knew everything I did that my sister considered to be incorrect. I really hate that my kids see her treat me the way she does. I try so very hard not to speak badly about her in front of them, and maybe that isn't okay. Family unity is important to me though, and I don't want my mother and grandmothers hurt because my sister and I can't get along. I guess I just need to learn to get over it.
Overall, it's been a tough weekend on my heart. I'm sure part of it is hormones, part is the unbelievable heat, part is the lack of sleep in our lives these days, and part is the rash that is beginning to break out on my face and the allergies that are in full swing (the rash might be another post). Hopefully I get a grip on things and function like I need to this week!
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