My younger kids are in their first full week of school after beginning mid-week last week. We are into a routine, and as crazy busy as everything is, life is good. Catherine is adjusting to high school and I think she might really blossom this year. Thomas seems focused and determined as he begins his 7th grade year, and I'm impressed with that. Robert loves his career tech school, and seems like a happier person than I've seen him be in a very long time...maybe even ever. I told Andrew last evening that goodness knows not every day is going to be peaceful, but I'll gladly take the ones that are.
The start of school also brings about the annual budget conversation. Am I going to start subbing again this year? Originally I had thought that wasn't even a possibility until Robert graduated from high school. I had hoped that between Andrew's raise this year, his coaching football, and my small church job, we wouldn't need to worry about subbing. Reality though, is that kids are expensive. Early next year, Robert should be able to get his driver's license, and next fall Catherine will be able to do the same. Insuring teen drivers is EXPENSIVE. Of course, this isn't news to anyone who has done so! We are asking for each kid to pay 1/2 of their insurance. I have some guilt about this as I didn't have to do this when I was kid. I also recognize though, that my father worked 60-70 hours a week and it wasn't uncommon for me to barely see him during the week (he worked Saturdays often as well). If I had plans on Saturday evening (and I usually did) then Sunday was our only day together. I have wonderful memories though of lunches and car rides and just hanging out watching football or whatever we might be doing. Would I have been willing to pay for my own insurance if it had meant more than just Sundays together? No one can answer that...I knew what I knew.
So that makes me ask...has there been any benefit to my not working? I'm certainly a more pleasant person for not being stressed about trying to get things done, but has it really mattered that I've been home with my kiddos? Is not learning to control my stress even if I'm working a sign of weakness, or is it a strength that I recognize my limitations. My mom always felt it really mattered to me that she was home every day after school, but was that just her justification for being home when I was a kid? I recently read an article online about a woman who now has grown children and while she doesn't like to use the word regret she wishes she hadn't spent time away from her career. I was a little aghast that she felt she had betrayed all the working women who came before her by staying home (I found that to be a little dramatic). She felt that she was showing her daughter you didn't have to try to have it all. By the way, I agree that's what she was doing, and isn't that okay to not try to have it all? She mentioned that she realized how much earning potential she had sacrificed by being out of the workforce, and how much more she could make today if she had kept working.
Obviously, it really made me think about our family's choices. I don't resent my Dad for working all of those hours and he was always incredibly generous to us. At the same time, I find myself thinking that if Andrew and I are able to pay our bills and have a nice savings account, why should we work more just to have more? I'm not saying that our answer is the answer for everyone. There are absolutely families who have to work more because they don't have the safety net of family to help, or they've had bad luck in terms of health or jobs or timing...you just never know. I don't judge at all. And I don't judge those families who are working oodles of hours each week because they want to drive fancy cars and own fancy houses...that is what works for them. I guess I'm just saying that I choose to be happy as we are. I have the rest of my life to work, but I only get to be a full time mom with full time mom duties for a few more years.
Ultimately, I've decided to renew my sub license. Working two days a week or so during the school year isn't going to substantially add to my stress levels, and it will definitely help pay for that teenage car insurance. At the end of the day, I'm just going to try to do the best I can, hope that my children know they are loved, and hope that I can at least foster kindness and respect within my own little corner of this great, big, crazy world.
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