I am back at home

I am back at home after being at my in-laws for the past two days.  Andrew and the kids are coming back tomorrow.  We don't have school tomorrow, and thank goodness.  It allows the kids to stay at my in-laws and be helpful to Andrew.  Otherwise they would've come home with me, and I can't even start to imagine trying to get up early and function tomorrow.  I am beyond exhausted.  I think we all are.  My mother-in-law is holding up well, but my father-in-law, who was diagnosed with dementia nearly a year ago, has deteriorated rapidly since the last time I was there about ten weeks ago.  Some of the east coast family came in, and of course it is always nice to see family.  I'm grateful we are heading into a long weekend to start to get back to normal!

Andrew's brother

We received word about 8:30 last night that Andrew's brother had stopped breathing and his heart had stopped.  The ambulance had been called and CPR was being performed as they rushed him to the hospital.  An hour later the call came that there was nothing that could be done.  At just age 47, Andrew's brother had passed away.  He had been ill for years and had suffered his first stroke the day after my father passed away.  He had lost his eyesight and all of his mobility.  There is peace in knowing he is no longer suffering, but no one should ever have to bury their child.  Andrew is the only sibling and he has gone to be with his parents.  The kids and I will head over after school tomorrow.  Right now I am holding down both the home front and the school front as I've been in for Andrew today (and again tomorrow) so the kids don't lose an entire week of instruction.  My heart is broken for my in-laws who have lost their son, and I pray for peace and comfort for them.

The nice weather didn't last long

Yesterday it rained most of the day.  After the cross country meet, Andrew had to work at a freshmen football game, and I went home to get some things done.  As soon as he got home we drove two hours to east to visit some friends, and loved every minute of our visit with them.  It rained most of the day though, but it certainly didn't dampen the visit.

Today I opened the door for about a minute to talk to Andrew who was standing in the garage.  Honestly, I think that is about as close to being outside as I plan to be.  The humidity is unbelievable.  I had heard the heat index will be over 90 today, tomorrow, and possibly Tuesday.  I believe it without question.  Yikes!

I went to a cross country meet this morning

This morning I went to the high school cross country meet.  It is the only home meet for the team (except for league).  Of all the things Robert did, cross country was my favorite.  And cross country has such fabulous kids and I wanted to watch them run.  Fortunately, the rain held off and they got the races in.

Our girls team won the meet.  We have an incredibly talented group of sophomores and freshmen, and they ran great races.  Our boys team came in second.  There are two seniors on the team who have moms with whom I am friends.  One of them is an elite runner and came in third overall.  The other struggles with his running, but he is one of my favorite all time people.  I was happy to be there to encourage our runners.

It all made me emotional.  This is the meet two years ago where Robert went down and Thomas needed encouragement.  Seeing kids struggle this morning to finish brought back those memories and brought tears to my eyes.  And honestly, I cried most of the drive home.  As I said, this was my favorite activity of Robert's, and there were so many good memories.  Because of Robert's choices, it is sometimes hard to remember that there were good memories...but there were, and so many of them involved cross country meets.  At the same time, I remember his very last race last year, and it wasn't a good memory.  We had discovered another set of lies and poor choices just before he ran, and it wasn't a good race.  It's tough to think about it all ending that way.

Things just came flooding back and I'm tired.  Parenting transitions can be tough, and sometimes it just takes a while for all of the emotions to flow.

Trying to be mindful

I am working on trying to be more mindful in life.  This is especially true of my health.  I am trying to be more mindful of what I am eating.  Instead of potato chips, a granola bar is a better option.  I know that water is better for me than pop, but I don't care for water at all.  I'm really trying, but most days water makes me want to gag.  When I go somewhere, I try to choose a parking spot that isn't the closest so I can walk more, and even at home, instead of asking someone to bring me something I try to get up and get it myself.  These are just small changes, but they are good changes.  Good changes are good, no matter how small.

I'm trying in other ways though too.  I'm trying to watch my tone when I speak to others, and I'm trying to be more present in everything I do.  I'm trying to have actions that aren't just sitting and staring at a TV screen (although plenty of that happens).  I'm trying to remember to be grateful, and I'm trying to remember to live my faith.  I'm trying to think, and I hope these changes can only bring good things!

It's Friday of our first full week

We made it to Friday!  I didn't expect to be working today, but here I am.  An art teacher needed a sub.  I don't love being in the art classes, and Andrew told me to feel free to stay home.  However, he also mentioned he would like us to go out to dinner one evening next week, and today's pay would pay for that.  I don't necessarily plan to go out "just because" but I am not going to turn down a job at the high school, especially this early in the year,

This evening, the kids are in the pep band for an away football game.  Andrew doesn't have to keep stats this evening, but he and another middle school coach want to go to the game.  Fine by me!  I look forward to some quiet alone time at home.  The dog and I will keep each other company.

The first full week of the school year is almost in the books!

Subbing in P.E.

I am subbing in phys ed today.  It is always one of my least favorite assignments, but this is a week where I really can't be picky if I want to work.  And I definitely want to work!  On the upside, it is still absolutely gorgeous out, and the kids, overall, have been good kids.

On the downside, Thomas made a poor choice today.  I never understood how Robert thought we wouldn't find things out, and I don't understand it now with Thomas.  In fact, I understand it less!  Not only is Andrew in the building, I'm here most days, and he has seen how it DIDN'T work out for Robert.  I can't do four more years of that.  Hopefully, we can nip this in the bud.

Not sure if I will be working tomorrow, but I am here again a couple of days next week.  Hopefully they will be uneventful!

I am really enjoying this weather

Since early July, we have had typical summer weather.  I really can't complain too terribly much as it hasn't been awful, but there haven't been any breaks either.  On the few times when it might have been cooler in terms of the temp, it was raining so not only was it wet, but it made it pretty humid as well.

The humidity has really been cranked up around here lately.  Yesterday as Thomas, Catherine, and I were leaving for school, I mentioned it was an "air you could wear" kind of day...and I don't love those!  I had heard it was supposed to break though as the front came through.

This morning we turned off the a/c!  It is very nice and pleasant outside.  And today is early day, which means although I am at school, we get out 45 minutes earlier than other days.  Andrew has a football scrimmage this evening, and I know he will appreciate the cooler temps as well.  It won't last long, and by Sunday it is supposed to be muggy and uncomfortable again.  But for today, it is lovely!

I'm so happy to be here at school!

I've been able to be at the high school for the last two days...and I'm so thrilled to be here!  Yesterday I was actually in for Andrew because he wasn't feeling well.  Honestly, it wasn't my most fun day ever.  I'm not in love with his students last year.  Perhaps those from last year have spoiled me, but they just aren't my favorite group.  I love this year's freshmen, but not so much the ones sitting in my husband's classes.

Today I am in Spanish.  Overall, this should be a pretty good day.  This is my third day (out of six) so far that I've been at the school.  I am so grateful to be here.  I know as the year progresses I am really going to look forward to a day at home.  But this time of year, I am thrilled to be here!

We had a busy weekend

Our weekend was fairly busy...busier than I had anticipated.  I'm not sure the four of us spent much time together as a family, but that is not surprising.  That is the phase of our life.

Friday evening we were all at the high school football stadium for the scrimmage.  The school recognized all fall athletes, including marching band members, before the game, and then recognized all league champions at half time.  Catherine was part of the girls league winning swim team, and Thomas was part of the league winning boys track team.  I stayed until that, and then I came home.

Saturday morning we all got to sleep in, and then Andrew had to work at the boys soccer game.  I love high school soccer, and I had been hearing that our team was pretty good.  I have pretty high standards, as I was a stat for the boys team when I was in high school, and we were ranked in the top of the state each year.  I was impressed with what I saw, and really enjoyed the game.  Since Andrew was the official person in charge, I even got to sit in the press box out of the sun...bonus!  I left before the game ended so Catherine and I could get some errands accomplished.  By the time she and I finished that, it was time for her to go to a friend's house for overnight.

Sunday morning we had to pick her up really early.  The youth at the church, including Catherine and Thomas, were presenting during the service about their trip from earlier this summer.  They all did a great job of presenting, and Andrew especially loved that Catherine helped with Communion.  After church the kids and I made the trip to visit my grandmother, and by the time we came home it was time for the neighborhood picnic.  I don't care for heat and sun, and Catherine was fading after not sleeping much the night before, so she and I stayed at home.  By the time Andrew and Thomas returned, it was time for showers and bed.

We are definitely back into the crazy go-go phase of life.  I'm trying to enjoy the craziness though, because it all goes so fast!

A lovely visit with my grandmother

I'd been feeling a lot of guilt about not visiting more with my grandmother.  I had seen her three times this summer, but all three were in a large group of people, and we didn't get to visit much.  I decided I wanted to get up to see her this weekend before school got crazier.  Catherine, Thomas, and I headed up after church today, and it was such a lovely visit.  We were only there about 90 minutes, but it was wonderful.  I made the kids put the phones in my purse, and they were forced to interact.  Grandma mentioned to me several times how much she had enjoyed the visit. 

My grandmother is 87-years-young.  She truly is an amazing woman.  I am so blessed to have this woman in my life.  I am always grateful for the time we get to spend together.

Celebrating our last summer weekend...last weekend

All week I thought I would get to this post, and yet I didn't.  I want to write though, before the next weekend happens!

Andrew and I were feeling some guilt about not doing more fun things over the summer.  Our vacation was barely that (although we did what we could afford), and it just seemed like most of the summer was spent focusing on Robert.  Given the circumstances, I don't think anyone would blame us, but in some ways there has been way too much focus on Robert in the last four years.

As Andrew and I were discussing this, he pointed our we could do something Saturday.  My vote against it was simply that it was the first day (in what felt like forever) that we had absolutely nothing on the calendar...I wanted to keep it that way.  We decided though, that an early dinner out would work out for us all.  We crossed the state line and went to a state lake where they have a restaurant with outdoor dining overlooking the lake.  The weather was lovely, and there was a lot of activity on the lake.  We enjoyed being able to chat with Catherine and Thomas.  After we ate, we drove around the lake a bit just to learn the area.  Andrew and I have always dreamed of a second home near the water.  This one is much closer than my dad's place would've been.  It's nothing more than a pipe dream right now, but it is fun to dream!

We have lived here five years

It absolutely doesn't seem possible that we have lived here five years.  We are closer to Thomas's graduation date than we are to the day we moved in.  I absolutely love this house and I love where we live.  It has become my home and it brings me much peace and comfort.  The school (particularly the high school) is the center of our lives and I'm so grateful we get to share so much of it together.  I still don't love living in this town, but I try to be grateful for having so much here.  We miss so many people in our former town, but we still see them.  That town still feels much more like home though.  It absolutely does not feel like five years since we left!

A rainy Friday at home

I really wanted to work today, but honestly, I am so happy to be home.  It is raining very hard outside, and the forecast is to be that way for the rest of the day.  I LOVE when this falls on a Friday.  The house is already mostly picked up, and I feel like I can really just sit and enjoy the fact that I am cozy and warm and dry, INSIDE my house.  I especially love this on days I don't have to go anywhere at all.  As it is, I don't have anywhere to be until after 5:00, and since that is an outdoor activity I wouldn't rule out the cancellation of that activity.   I am going to just enjoy life today.  It is such a blessing.

I want to work

I am being ridiculous I know, but the little panic about working is setting in already.  Last year I worked the first three days.  That doesn't happen...I know that in my head.  I am working today, and even that is pretty rare.  For the first week, teachers just don't miss.  My fear is that I'm not even getting jobs for later.  That is what terrifies me.  I also know that this is how things work.  Last year kind of spoiled my perspective though.  I WANT to work.

I also need to work.  We have reached a point where that isn't an option.  I'm not complaining.  We are still in decent shape, especially compared to so many.  However, for a couple of years now, our expenses have been beyond our income, and the savings has dwindled.  It really can't dwindle much more.  I am so blessed that Andrew is really supportive and absolutely encouraged me to make whatever decision I thought was best.  I was thrilled to be subbing again this year, and I am so excited to be back at the high school today.  I literally feel as though I belong here.  Not only am I getting a key to the building, one of the staff members has decided I should have a school email account and is going to look into it for me.  I just hope I didn't make a terrible mistake deciding not to go after other jobs. I hope this all works out okay, and I hope I can make a difference being here!

Apparently we just don't sleep the night before

Andrew had a horrible night sleep Sunday night, and Monday was his first day.  Thomas was so exhausted when he got home from school yesterday he almost fell asleep (he is not a child who likes to nap).  He admitted he had trouble sleeping the night before.  And last night, was a wretched night of sleep for me.  I am so excited to be back at school today, and hope that many, many more days are coming along.  I could fall asleep just fine, but couldn't actually stay asleep.  Tonight is band practice, and I have to attend to help with the senior photographs.  I am thrilled to be here today, but I can't help but think this time last week I wasn't even awake yet!

We could use some prayers

We just received another phone call from Robert.  I knew right away it couldn't be good news.  He was calling to tell us that he failed a written test (twice) and was being "held back".  It will delay his graduation from basic training by at least two weeks.  He was so upset and I could tell that he is so stressed.  I explained he wasn't the first and he won't be the last.  That is why they have this protocol in place.  He said he had been up all night studying, and I have to wonder if that is part of the problem.  It is hard to know that he is this stressed, and that there is nothing I can do to help.  I am so afraid he's just going to give up and decide he can't do this.

He also said that he didn't have any additional information on his health issues.  I know the stress is making the health worse, and the health issues cause more stress.  Because of the health, he could be delayed even more.  This is hard on this mom's heart.

Specifically, please pray that Robert's health stabilizes and everything is okay physically.  Secondly, please pray that Robert can pass this test and get through what he needs to get through.  And lastly, we would appreciate prayers for him to be strong emotionally and mentally and be able to keep at it.  He has come so far and I would hate for him to lose it all now.

Enjoying some quiet time on the first day back to school

I am enjoying the peace and quiet today while the kids are at school.  At the same time, I'm looking forward to having everyone hone and hearing all about their days.  I'm a little jealous I don't get to be there today, but I knew the chances of working on the first day were almost none.  This evening is actually one of the very few we get to spend together, and I'm so grateful it is day one.  I hope they all had great days!

School begins tomorrow

Summer break 2018 is almost entirely gone.  Definitely the fastest yet, and also definitely a summer of transition.  Robert has flown the nest, and now our youngest is starting high school.  No little kids are living here anymore. 

I think we are all ready to get back to school.  For one thing, I can't earn a paycheck as a substitute teacher if there isn't school.  The kids activities have been going strong for four weeks, and school actually gives me a bit of a break from my responsibilities for those activities (after this week).  I am excited to see what the year brings for our family, and I'm so looking forward to it.  I will definitely miss sleeping in, but I am grateful for this life we all share!

We got to talk to Robert

Saturday evening the four of us were sitting around watching the Reds game when the phone rang.  Robert had told us when he got to basics that he was allowed to call in three weeks.  We had no idea when...so thank goodness we were home!  He sounded really good, and it was wonderful to hear his voice.  He is truly enjoying the challenge, and we are very proud of him.

On the downside, he is having some medical issues.  If anyone has some spare prayers, we would appreciate them being sent up on his behalf.  Please pray that it is all due to stress, which is something that should heal with time, and not something more serious.  That would cause him to be medically discharged, not to mention having to deal with something serious with his health.  As a friend of mine said yesterday, "This is the first time I'll pray for an ulcer."

All I really wanted to do was to exercise

I am not unaware of the fact that I have gained weight.  I am beginning to reach numbers I REALLY don't like, and I'm trying to be mindful of what I eat.  I am also aware that exercising is important, and I'm trying to, at the very least, be mindful of moving around.  Today, I actually wanted to exercise.  Apparently, it just wasn't meant to be.  I wanted to ride our exercise bike.  I don't enjoy it, but it is good for me.  Of course, literally less than a minute after I began, one of the pedals fell off.  We've been having problems with it, but are you kidding me????  After dinner I decided I would work out on the wii.  I have really hurt my shoulder to the point I'm nearly in tears most of the time, but I decided again, at least it would be some moving.  Of course I couldn't get the board to work and then I couldn't get the remotes to work.  Ugh!!!!  I can tell my hormones are out of whack because this insignificant thing makes me want to cry!

Our last full week of summer

This summer flew by the fastest yet.  Although, as I was talking to a teacher this past weekend, he pointed out the school years fly by faster as well.  That is very true.

We had a very enjoyable weekend.  Saturday was the wedding for the daughter of some friends.  I have known Sarah since she was about ten, so seeing her get married just doesn't seem possible.  It was a rather small but very lovely wedding.  Although we didn't know many people there, we really enjoyed ourselves.

Yesterday morning was church, followed by a meeting.  After that Andrew had another meeting and I had to run a lengthy errand for band.  Late afternoon we all headed to my mom's house where we left the kids and the dog.  We were so grateful to my mom for being willing to keep them all overnight.  Andrew and I had dinner and loved having the time to ourselves.  The best part was that dinner was almost entirely covered by a gift card we had received...bonus!!!

Today has been a bit of a catch up day, and a planning day.  I've been planning for band items and Andrew has been planning football.  We both agreed we are ready for school to begin again.  Andrew says he is bored (that isn't so much the case for me), and although I'm not looking forward to early wake up times, they won't be as early as the last two years and I'm looking forward to a routine.

I'm so grateful for this life we have!

Lifelong friendships

I've written before about my gratitude for my friendships.  When we celebrated Robert's graduation, I had a friend who flew in from New York to join us.  He is a friend from high school who is two years older.  He came home from college for my high school graduation, flew in from New Jersey for my college graduation, flew in from Chicago for my wedding, and drove in from Chicago for my 40th birthday and then stayed for my dad's funeral.  My friend Stephanie has been at all of those events as well, and it truly my best friend.  I am so incredibly blessed to have these two in my life.  I can't imagine having a milestone and not having them there.  I made sure to take a picture at Robert's graduation party because I am so blessed.

This evening, Thomas has two friends spending the night.  Thomas has been friends with both of these young men for over ten years, but these two only became friends together in the last year.  By some miracle, the stars have aligned and all three schedules were open for tonight.  These three are cracking me up.  I am so grateful that Thomas has these friendships.  It has been five years since moved, and yet you would never know it.  I am having a blast listening to them.  My heart is so full!

School begins in two weeks

Two weeks from today is the first day of school...and I am really looking forward to it!  I know it is going to be crazy, but I also know it won't be as crazy as years past.  For one thing, Robert was the child for whom school was the biggest challenge and who was most likely to have problems  I no longer have to worry about that.  For another thing, all four of us will be (on most days) in one building.  Talk about convenient!  There is also the fact that Catherine and Thomas pretty much do the same activities so we don't have to worry about multiple schedules.  And finally, I am ready to get back in the classroom myself and get some extra income!  I really am looking forward to being around the teens.  They are a pretty good group of kids.  I am already scheduled for the second day of school.  I doubt that I will be scheduled for day one, although you never know, and I will be one of the first requested if that happens.  On days that I am not scheduled, I will get to sleep 45 minutes later than I did last year since we don't have to worry about the really early tech school bus.  Overall, there are just a lot of positives about this year and I am looking forward to them!

I feel good about it

Yesterday I had an interview for a job at the local university.  Honestly, it was the first job interview I've ever had where I wasn't almost certain I was going to get the job.  Life circumstances have been a great blessing to me in that regard.  After the interview, I felt very much that I was the leading candidate, and I'm not sure if they were interviewing anyone else.  However, there were several drawbacks to the job, most specifically the schedule.  At the interview I learned there were no benefits at all with the job (exactly like subbing), but there was also virtually no flexibility.  And I truly, truly love subbing.  Andrew agreed it would be nice to have an increased income, but pointed out he also appreciates the flexibility of my job and that there are no evening hours.

After being at the high school last evening for band uniform fitting (for five hours since I was coordinating), I knew in my heart that is where I want to be.  Andrew fully supported my decision, and I officially withdrew my name this morning.  From the response, it sounds as though I was definitely the leading candidate, but as I told Andrew, I don't regret my decision one bit.  I feel confidant in my decision, and so lucky to have such an incredibly supportive husband!