The last day of April

As I suspected it would, April flew by.    It wasn't a great month in terms of weather, so I'm hoping May is more spring like.  We've just had so much rain, so even the warmer days haven't given us much outdoor time.

We are almost at the end of the school year...just 16 days after today!  Since I'm not filling in permanently, there should be several days off at this point.  In fact, I'm not scheduled for tomorrow so maybe it will be one!  I'm trying not to wish away the next three weeks though.  I think about the woman I wrote about last week who has been diagnosed with metastatic cancer.  Each day that passes is one day less she has left to spend with her children.  At the same time, that ultimately is true of any of us.  We just have less of an idea about when the end will come.  I want to treasure each day that I get to spend with my kids.  Honestly though, the summer days of no school are much easier to treasurer!

Back to being just a regular sub

I got the official word this morning...tomorrow I get to go back to being a regular sub.  Just a regular, where ever I am needed sub.  I am so pleased!  The teacher for whom I've been in is still not returning this year, but they have been able to find a sub who is licensed.  I am so very grateful.  While I certainly would've done it, and the extra money would've been nice, it was tough.  Now the students know that their teacher isn't coming back and they know that the sub will be in charge of them for the rest of the year.

It was a tough start to the morning though.  The classroom had been emptied of personal belongings, and I had students who were crying.  There were a few other odd things that happened, and Andrew was not pleased that I had to deal with things that were just kind of thrown at me.  He ended up getting an administrator to come in and talk to the students.  That helped to settle things down tremendously.  I can't even begin to describe the burden I feel has been lifted.  It was really tough when I was trying to keep things moving along and do what was best for the students, but I myself often didn't know what we were doing until arriving in the morning.  He has some sections that are specific to at-risk students and keeping them on track, and I didn't feel that I had a clue what I was doing in that regard at all.  I didn't want the kids to suffer though, and I take my responsibilities very seriously.  I am totally okay to going back to being the body in the classroom!

I really don't want to go back tomorrow

I can't remember the last time I dreaded going back as much as I am tomorrow.  I keep telling myself that it is only 18 more school days, and we ought to be able to do anything for 18 days!  The tough part is the unknown I think, and the situation as a whole.  I hope to be able to write about it more soon, but for right now I just can't put anything out there.

I also know that I am dreading how tired we are all going to be again.  When I get a full time job someday, it is hard to imagine that I am going to look for one where I have to be up at 5AM.  I remember being in college and not wanting to take 8:00 classes because I didn't want to get up at 7.  Now, that sounds like a dream come true.

This post is whiny, and I just need to get over myself.  The nice thing is that at the end of all of this is a summer of not getting up at 5AM, and I am really looking forward to that!

The end of our spring break

On Monday we go back to reality.  It is never fun to go back to school after spring break, but with only 18 school days remaining it certainly is doable.  At this point my work schedule is completely unknown, but again, whatever happens is what is going to happen and it will work out.

Thomas and Catherine ended up staying at my mom's house last night to help with Mom's dogs.  Mom was gone most of the day yesterday, again during the evening, and then all day today.  She was concerned about my grandmother being there with them, and I pointed out Catherine loves animals and could help out.  We could even just drop her off on our way home from my in-laws.  Once that was agreed upon I asked if Thomas could be there also.  Mom was fine with that, so Andrew and I ended our mini-vacation last night with an evening to ourselves.  It was delightful!

I think we all really enjoyed our time together, and I know my in-laws, in spite of the challenges, were grateful we wanted to spend time with them.  I understand that feeling.  I worry that some day my children will grow up and not want us as a part of their lives.  I see it happen to others, and in many ways has happened once already.  Andrew and I enjoy each other and will be happy in our life together, but there is nothing quite like family.  I am grateful we have been blessed with so much extended family to bring to our kids' lives.

Tomorrow morning we have an event at church, and then Monday is back to 5AM wake ups.  Only 18 more though!

Today would've been my dad's 65th birthday

My dad would've turned 65 today.  It is the sixth birthday he has spent in Heaven.  This date has become one of my least favorite days of the year.  There aren't words for how much I miss him, but I know anyone who has lost a parent understands exactly how I feel.  I was blessed to have had him in my life for so many years, and we made wonderful memories!

I am devastated by this news

I just received a phone call from my mom.  A young lady the age of my sister, who was friends with my sister throughout school and with whom I worked at summer camps for years, has been diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer.  She'd had clean scans for years, but they just found it in her spine.  Her three children are elementary age, and she is one of the nicest individuals I've ever met...and I've known her since she was only four or five.  I know that there is currently no cure for something like this, and while she may have years to live, it isn't decades, and her children are so young...and so is she.  My heart is broken and I am devastated by this news.  I'm praying for a miracle.

This will be the last trip

Last fall we decided we wanted to take a small trip and include my in-laws.  Our original plan was to go to a state park resort for a few days to get away.  However, after Christmas, I realized my in-laws weren't really able to do that.  We decided this trip to Canton was perfect.  We were wrong.  Clearly, my father-in-law needs to not be outside his comfort zone.  I'm not even sure if coming to our house for holidays is an option anymore.  It has been rough.  My kids have been awesome during some tough moments.  I'm glad we've had this time together, but there can't be any more road trips with him.

Football Hall of Fame

We drove to pick up my in-laws yesterday, then drove back to Canton.  Today, our family dressed in our Steeler gear and visited the Football Hall of Fame.  Thomas and Andrew especially loved it, and we all enjoyed seeing them enjoy it so much.  It is nice to have this opportunity to get away and do this!

Easter weekend wrap-up

It was really nice to be able to spend Easter at home this year.  The last time we had been home was five years ago.  I especially appreciated being able to celebrate Easter in our own church.  Although the day began cool and cloudy, it truly turned into an absolutely lovely day.

I really enjoyed our weekend.  Even though we have weekends every week, I commented to Andrew on Saturday that I appreciated the fact that he didn't even have to think about doing lesson plans the next day.  That is the thing about a teacher's job that I know most don't understand.  Yes, we have weekends off every week, but one does not get to just show up to work on Monday morning and begin the week.  There is a great amount of prep work that goes into preparing for a school week.  It was nice not to even have to think about that.

Instead, Andrew and I began our vehicle shopping.  This entire process will undoubtedly be drawn out, and a post of its own.  Between our stop doing that and our grocery shopping, Andrew and I went to a winery that is only ten minutes from our house.  We knew the lady that was working there, and we decided to do a tasting.  We really enjoyed ourselves, and it was a fun way to spend some time.  That evening our family made homemade pizzas and watched a movie together.  It was a fabulous way to spend our Saturday evening.

Yesterday after church we drove to my grandmother's house for Easter lunch.  My mother, sister, and aunt & uncle were also there.  We checked out a few car lots for inventory on the way home, and then just hung out for the evening.  It was our first front porch evening of the year, and today is another absolutely gorgeous day.  So thankful for Spring break this week!

Day one of this year's break

Today we slept in, and it was absolutely wonderful.  I had nowhere I had to be all day.  Catherine had to work the bulk of the day, and Andrew took Thomas to run some errands, but I was home all day.  I was looking forward to our family evening after Catherine got home.  We had plans for homemade pizza and a family movie.  Instead, because of the rain, all levels of baseball games were cancelled and Andrew was invited to a "coach's night".  I'm not going to lie, I was disappointed.  I was pleased for him because he has been feeling like he doesn't really have many friends here in town, even though we've been here over five years.  We had a bunch of the same people over last Friday evening, and we all had a blast.  So much so, that they stayed until 3AM!  I am grateful for his opportunity, but it just wasn't how I had planned to spend my evening.

On the upside, it is only day one of break...we still have a week to go!

I need to get away

Our spring break begins in four hours and thirty-eight minutes.  I know it sounds a little ridiculous that I am counting down this much.  Honestly though, the last week has been draining.  I've been fighting an uphill battle in the classroom since I've been the "regular" teacher since the middle of last week.  I felt not just being a sub, but taking on the responsibilities of being that teacher was the right thing to do.  It isn't fair to the kids that things have been so messed up, and I have worked really hard and tried to do the right thing.  It has been met by tremendous resistance from the students, who apparently were not expected to do much work during the course of the year.  At the same time, I'm not allowed to pull the "your teacher isn't coming back, and you need to accept doing things my way" because they can't guarantee that I will be here the rest of the year.  It's been tough, and I'm worn out.

I haven't felt well either, and Thomas continues to struggle with school.  I don't think anything can make me feel like such a lousy parent as Thomas's school performance.  Honestly, I don't know what to do.  I am overwhelmed and scared.  He isn't a behavior problem like Robert could be, but his grades aren't good either.  My heart breaks for his struggles, and I just don't know how to help.

I've been interrupted a lot while putting this together, and we are now down to three hours and forty-seven minutes.  I can't wait to spend the next week just focusing on my family!

Three days, two hours, and sixteen minutes until the bell rings and break begins

Not that I'm counting down or anything.

Early last week, I decided I was going to wind down my work schedule.  Today is day 120 work days for the year, and of course I still have several scheduled in the last 22 (counting today) school days.  I was looking forward to a calmer pace to life.

Wednesday I was called into the office and asked if I could be in for a teacher until spring break.  It's American History, which would be my dream job if I ever had my own teaching career (which isn't going to happen).  It would require some rearranging of things, but I agreed to take on the assignment.  It turns out there is a chance it will turn into an assignment for the remaining of the year.  I offered to take it if that becomes necessary.  It would again take some rearranging, but it also made a lot of sense.  I know the kids and the school, and I have tons of support not only at home but throughout the department.  And I love American History!  Right now it is just this week though, and that is also fine.  I'm enjoying it, but it is definitely a lot of work even at this point of the year.

We are so looking forward to being off Friday and all of next week.  After we return there will only be 18 days to go!

Baseball games

Last Friday I was finally able to attend a baseball game where Andrew was coaching.  I often find it tough to justify watching other kids play baseball when my kids are home or it would mean having to put the dog in the crate.  Last Friday though, Thomas was working the set, and Catherine looked forward to some quiet time with our sweet pup.  It was a fun game, but unfortunately it was a loss in extra innings.  They bounced back Saturday with a win, but it was an away game and I didn't go.  Monday evening was another loss.

The Reds have also been on a losing streak.  It was ridiculous!  They hadn't won since opening day.  Finally yesterday though, the flood gates broke open, and they had a 14-0 victory.  That is 40% of the runs they have scored all season!

I am so happy baseball season has arrived!

Testing week

This week is state testing at the high school.  They spend the first two hours testing, and if the student isn't taking a test, he/she doesn't have to report to school until actual classes begin.  If they do come to school because of no ride available later, he/she reports to study hall.  I kind of enjoy working this week, although I don't love being in study hall for two hours in the morning.  I had only planned to work yesterday and today, but there has been a staffing emergency and I will be in through spring break, and there is a chance I will be in for the remainder of the year.  Hopefully it doesn't come to that, but it is in American History, which would be my favorite!

As a junior, Catherine has no tests this week.  She is absolutely enjoying sleeping in.  Thomas had testing Monday and yesterday, and will again on Friday.  I was a little nervous about my coming in this morning and him being responsible enough to get himself up, but he did it.  I know the sleeping in is good for him after the craziness of last week.

As a group, it is always nice to get state testing out of the way.  Counting today, there are only 25 days remaining in the school year.  It has just flown by!

A hurting heart

I'll be honest, my heart hurt this weekend.  Part of it is the time of year, part of it is I have teenagers.  I also work with teenagers, and sometimes they are just tough.

Saturday after the musical was a cast party.  Thomas was excited about going, although he pointed out that he was the only student that didn't have a ride.  I didn't worry about it too much because it was no problem at all for us to take him.  We were already at the show and I know the people who were hosting and had been to their house.  One of the fun things the cast was doing was to make up their own awards and handing out "paper plate" awards.  I am familiar with this, and know they can be fun.

A couple of hours later, Thomas sent a text letting us know that the party was winding down, and he also mentioned that he was the only person who hadn't received a paper plate award.  My heart broke for him.  As it turned out, there was no organized strategy to the awards.  Each person was just supposed to think about something fun about three people and create an award for them.  So while it wasn't an organized effort to exclude my son, he was hurt just the same.  I attempted to be sympathetic and empathetic, but he kept telling me he was fine.  Andrew mentioned he was upset when picked up, but between talking to Andrew and putting on a brave face for me, he seemed a little better.

It didn't change how hurt I felt for him though.  And I just don't know how to make things better for him.  I know that I can't always make things better, and I sure miss those days when just kissing a skinned knee and applying a bandaid could make things better.  I also reminded myself that I want to be around for my kids, and I want to be a presence in their lives.  I canceled a kindergarten job I have for Friday, and I have absolutely no regrets about doing so.  If I am at the elementary, I am not home with my kids after school.  And that is exactly where I want to be.

I also couldn't help but think how it isn't just us.  I thought about our best friends whose daughter has struggled with a paralyzing level of anxiety.  She can't go anywhere without a parent being present because her anxiety manifests as a seizure and while she doesn't need an ambulance, that is the natural response by most people.  I think about other friends whose son has been on suicide watch at times, and who if not medicated, most likely will be again.  I thought about dear friends here in town, and their daughter whom I adore.  She has been cutting herself because an ex-boyfriend has been harassing her.  They are in the process of obtaining a retraining order.  It will be the second such order taken against this young man, as another set of friends has already done so for the same reason.  And I can't help but think about his parents who have tried and are hurting as well.

I don't necessarily think our generation has it any tougher...I can't compare.  What I do know is that parenting is unbelievably tough.  I wouldn't trade it for anything, even the hard moments, but it is definitely tough.  I send up prayers for all parents.

Twenty-eight years later

Last evening, we went to the final performance of our high school musical.  It was absolutely wonderful.  The kids did an absolutely fantastic job.  We were so very, very impressed.  Thomas has to go back today for the set strike.  Overall he has really enjoyed getting to be a part of this.

As we were dropping him off at the cast party, I realized that exactly twenty-eight years ago, I was enjoying the final performance of my high school musical experiences.  For several reasons, we didn't have a musical my senior year.  My junior year, we performed South Pacific.  I was the student director.  I loved absolutely everything about it.  It was definitely one of my favorite memories from high school.  I made life-long friends being involved.  It hasn't worked out the quite the same for Thomas, but that is another post.  I can't believe an entire generation has come around, and that my kids are in high school!

A fun way to end a challenging week

This has been a challenging week.  On the upside, most of the challenges do not directly involve our family.  On the downside, most of them indirectly do involve our family.  It's been a tough week to adult.  I've seen so many behaviors from kids that are not only poor choices, some of them have been down right dangerous.  Some of them have been incredibly dangerous.  I'm grateful that we are somewhat removed, but overall it has been a tough week to process.  I've sent up lots and lots of prayers on behalf of many parents and kids all week.

Today is a fun way to end the week though.  It is Ag day at our high school.  For the third year in a row, I've been able to be the sub while the teacher is running the day with the elementary students.  Most of her morning students are involved, so I've only had about five students in each class.  It's fun to see the elementary kids come through, and I've enjoyed seeing some of the teachers I know, and some who are friends.  I always enjoy being here on this day, and I'm particularly grateful that it falls today.

This weekend Andrew has a couple of baseball games and it is show weekend for the production Thomas has been working on.  We may not necessarily have much time together, but each of us has a chance to have some time to relax.  Even though we still have two weeks until Spring Break, we only have 27 school days overall until the end of the school year!

March did not go out like a lamb

Sunday, the last day of March, was definitely not a "lamb" kind of weather day.  It was sunny, but COLD.  Several weeks ago Andrew and I had decided to attend the Reds game.  We knew it could be chilly, but had seats in the sun.  It turned out to be the second coldest first pitch in Great American Ballpark history.  Ugh!  It was a pretty empty stadium, so we actually ended up sitting in seats in our section that were higher.  The clouds were heavy and there wasn't much sun, plus the higher seats blocked the wind.  It was definitely not a "lamb" weather day!  Unfortunately, the Reds bats were more on the lamb side, and we didn't get to see a winner.

We are having a few really nice days here right now, and this Saturday it is going to be absolutely wonderful!  Spring is springing!

Under 30

After today, there are only 29 days remaining in the school year!  Definitely the fastest one yet.

I am in an art class today, and got to spend time with one of my very favorite students.  His mom and I are friends, and he is a senior.  He has been through a lot in his young life, but has pushed through and accomplished a great deal.  Speaking to him this morning has helped to renew my faith in the next generation.  I will miss seeing him around school next year!

Yesterday was a very productive day at home, and I'm so grateful for it.  I got so much done around the house, and still had time to relax and rest.  It was exactly what I needed for my day.  I felt kind of iffy all day, but feel much better today.  I'm grateful I took the day just for me.

The days are going by so quickly!

So grateful for the little moments today

I am not working today.  I intended to be.  There was a job I knew would be available today, and my alarm was set to get up and go in.  However, it was a rough night of sleep, and I decided to stay home today.  It is a job I don't particularly like, and I decided being home with my pets was better for me today.  I know how selfish that sounds, but I don't regret my decision.  And I've already been asked to work tomorrow, so that is still four days this week I'll be scheduled.

I am so grateful for the sunshine and the warmer temps, and the birds chirping.  I am so grateful for my sweet dog and one of our cats to be curled up together and literally cuddling with me on the couch.  I am so, so grateful for these peaceful moments.

Yesterday was not peaceful.  I was in my favorite sub job in the building.  I love it!  The kids are awesome and it's just a great job.  However, we learned some very difficult news about the teen daughter of some friends.  It is not publication, but it shows how quickly unhealthy teen relationships can become dangerous.  I am angry and having trouble processing, and I had the young man who is causing problems in class yesterday.  It was tough for me.

I love the fact that my sweet animals are curled up here with me, and I've got over 4 hours until Catherine gets home this evening.  I'm going to enjoy my day of peace!

Work is slowing way down

I am not scheduled again this week until Friday.  I would love to pick up another day, but I am also okay if I don't work again until Friday.  Honestly, life is just too short to worry about things I can not control.  My family is healthy, mostly happy, and it is supposed to be gorgeous weather over the next few days.  I am just going to soak it all in, remember to slow down, enjoy some quiet time, and count my blessings!

April is here

There have already been 90 days in 2019.  I'm not even sure how that is possible.  Warp speed folks, warp speed.

Counting today, we still have 14 school days before we will finally arrive at spring break.  After break, there are only 18 days of school remaining for the year.  I am crazy emotional about my little ones (who are not little) growing up and moving on with their lives, but I am super proud of them at the same time.

Today is sunny but chilly, but it really looks as though we are heading into spring weather.  I am not sad about that at all!