I'll be honest, my heart hurt this weekend. Part of it is the time of year, part of it is I have teenagers. I also work with teenagers, and sometimes they are just tough.
Saturday after the musical was a cast party. Thomas was excited about going, although he pointed out that he was the only student that didn't have a ride. I didn't worry about it too much because it was no problem at all for us to take him. We were already at the show and I know the people who were hosting and had been to their house. One of the fun things the cast was doing was to make up their own awards and handing out "paper plate" awards. I am familiar with this, and know they can be fun.
A couple of hours later, Thomas sent a text letting us know that the party was winding down, and he also mentioned that he was the only person who hadn't received a paper plate award. My heart broke for him. As it turned out, there was no organized strategy to the awards. Each person was just supposed to think about something fun about three people and create an award for them. So while it wasn't an organized effort to exclude my son, he was hurt just the same. I attempted to be sympathetic and empathetic, but he kept telling me he was fine. Andrew mentioned he was upset when picked up, but between talking to Andrew and putting on a brave face for me, he seemed a little better.
It didn't change how hurt I felt for him though. And I just don't know how to make things better for him. I know that I can't always make things better, and I sure miss those days when just kissing a skinned knee and applying a bandaid could make things better. I also reminded myself that I want to be around for my kids, and I want to be a presence in their lives. I canceled a kindergarten job I have for Friday, and I have absolutely no regrets about doing so. If I am at the elementary, I am not home with my kids after school. And that is exactly where I want to be.
I also couldn't help but think how it isn't just us. I thought about our best friends whose daughter has struggled with a paralyzing level of anxiety. She can't go anywhere without a parent being present because her anxiety manifests as a seizure and while she doesn't need an ambulance, that is the natural response by most people. I think about other friends whose son has been on suicide watch at times, and who if not medicated, most likely will be again. I thought about dear friends here in town, and their daughter whom I adore. She has been cutting herself because an ex-boyfriend has been harassing her. They are in the process of obtaining a retraining order. It will be the second such order taken against this young man, as another set of friends has already done so for the same reason. And I can't help but think about his parents who have tried and are hurting as well.
I don't necessarily think our generation has it any tougher...I can't compare. What I do know is that parenting is unbelievably tough. I wouldn't trade it for anything, even the hard moments, but it is definitely tough. I send up prayers for all parents.
No comments:
Post a Comment