It's been a tough year for family

The issue with my uncle and my mother has exploded again, and I'm so very sad.  He is flat out accusing my mother of stealing, and is contacting the family to make sure everyone hears his side of the story first.  My heart is broken for my mother, and my heart hurts that our family is shrinking.  I always, always wanted a big family.  I wanted a lot of kids.  I'm so grateful for the three I have, but one of them wants nothing to do with us.  I never had any nieces of nephews, and Andrew's brother is already gone.  My paternal grandmother has decided there will be no family gathering this year.  While I understand entirely, I also know it means that we will lose the few connections we have on that side by not gathering anymore.  Andrew and I are feeling badly that our family is shrinking rather than growing.  I feel so awful for my mother who feels like she has lost nearly her entire family.

I'm sorry for the pity party today.  It's just been sad family news upon sad family news in the last 24 hours.

I get Monday off

I just found out that I don't have to work Monday.  I am so very excited!  It is a staff day for my current job, and there is just no need for me to be here.  That will help a lot with getting things caught up around the house.  I need to spend most of the weekend working at my church job because it is that time of year, and we have some computer issues that are going to require an entirely new system.  It will be so nice to have some extra time at home!

I got the job

I found out yesterday that I got the job at the private school here in town.  I wasn't as excited as I thought I might have been.  For one thing, I couldn't share the news immediately with Andrew.  For another, it meant I had to tell our best friend that I needed to leave my job at school.  Thirdly, I also know that while this job will be fine, the job I really, really wanted was the job at the high school.  It had been eight or so years since a high school secretary job was available, and it could easily be that long before it happens again.  I also hope that I don't regret giving up my carefree summers in order to take the job.

On the upside, they did offer me the job at the top of the pay scale they had offered, which definitely makes it worth it!  I am excited about the four mile commute instead of nearly thirty.  I am excited about being a part of a team.  I am excited about not having to be up at 5:15 each morning.  I am excited about being able to have coffee each morning, and not worry about whether or not I'm going to be able to use the restroom when I need to...I can go whenever the need arises!  That is a huge benefit.

I don't like change, but our friend at school who hired me was incredibly supportive and awesome.  This sis a wonderful opportunity!

It's been one of the best ever

Catherine was already home when I got home from work today.  Andrew and Thomas arrived before too much longer.  We ordered dinner in, and I opened cards and presents.  Thomas doesn't have school tomorrow, so he and Catherine have been hanging out in the front room.  I can't even put into words how much I have enjoyed hearing their chatter and laughter all evening.  It's been delightful.  It was also very sweet how excited Catherine was to give me the gifts she picked out herself, as well as an amazingly heartfelt card.  We had some cupcakes and played two rounds of wii bowling.  I've received lots of texts, emails, and cards.  This birthday is definitely going down as one of my favorites!  I'm more blessed than I can put into words!

My sweet girl is coming home for my birthday

Yesterday my sweet Catherine texted me and asked me what I wanted for my birthday.  I told her I would be pleased just to hear from her.  She responded that she thought she would come home.  I told her that I would be absolutely thrilled if she wanted to come and spend the evening with us.  She responded that she would come, and since her classes on Wednesday aren't until afternoon, she will stay over.  It's the best birthday present ever, and I am so excited.  I can't tell you how I am looking forward to an evening with my family.

There are also two bottles of champagne in the refrigerator.  I don't plan to partake this evening, but it is very sweet and thoughtful of my husband.  He was very convinced that we would have something to celebrate yesterday after my interview.  I sincerely appreciate his confidence in me.  The interview went well, but I was not offered the job on the spot.  It was explained to me that I would know their decision within a couple of days.  I am very optimistic, but trying not to get my hopes up about everything.

I am so incredibly grateful for the love and support of my amazing family!

Being especially mindful about Christmas

I hate change.  However,  it happens.  There is nothing I can do about it.  I feel like this year, the holidays kind of throw it in my face.  I can't control how things go.

We had planned on spending Thanksgiving at my in-laws because we knew there was no way my father-in-law could come here.  It's the fair thing to do.  The last time we didn't spend it with my family was 2012.  Yes, we always saw his family as well during all of these years, but often it was a quick trip over before, and then we would leave early on Thanksgiving morning to be here.  I hated the thought of missing the big family meal at my aunt & uncle's house, but it doesn't look like that is going to happen.  This will almost certainly be the last Thanksgiving for my father-in-law.  Of course, it is also the first Thanksgiving without G.G. as well.

And the first Christmas without her, although last year she was not well at all.  Her decline in the four weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas was a little astonishing.  My paternal grandmother has already announced that there will be no Christmas celebration with all of us.  She says that it is mostly because of the pandemic, although she isn't up to hosting anyway.  I would be happy to do so, but there is also a cousin-in-law having major surgery at the beginning of December, so it just isn't going to happen this year.   I understand, but my grandmother is also 89, turning 90 early in January.  Next isn't guaranteed for any of us, and certainly not for her.  I can't accept that there is no Christmas with her.  We are seeing what we can work out.

I'm definitely being mindful about what we purchase.  Is it truly a thoughtful gift?  Does it have meaning, or is it just a gift for the sake of having a gift?  Whenever possible, I am choosing to support small, local businesses. 

I hope this Christmas is full of as many fabulous memories as we can make.  Memories are so important to me.  I don't get to control how much time Catherine spends with us, or how Robert feels about us.  All I can do is remember the real reason of the season, and make it as merry as possible for everyone.

I have an interview today

I officially have an interview today for the office manager of the private school here in town.  I feel pretty good about the possibility of getting this, and I truly believe I am a great fit.  I also found out that they have a school board meeting this evening, which I feel means I will know when I leave whether or not I have the job.  Fingers crossed!

I am especially excited about the prospect of not having to make my current drive each morning.  I don't know why, but I suddenly am not overly comfortable making the drive in complete darkness.  Maybe I'm getting older than I should be, but I'm just not thrilled about it!

Hopefully good news is coming my way!

Random Friday thoughts

Andrew and Thomas should be arriving at my in-laws in less than an hour.  I need to go and pick up a couple of things in the morning, but otherwise I plan to be home watching college football all day tomorrow.  Big Ten football begins!!!!!!  Sunday I will head up to paint at my mom's new house...and that will be my weekend.  Hopefully some cleaning and laundry will go along in there as well.

I was in the same classroom all week this week, and it sounds like I'll be there again next week.  I'll be honest, I do much prefer subbing where I know where I'm going to be when I walk in the building.  Subbing has just changed so much though, and there just isn't as much ability to interact with the students.  I miss that tremendously.

On the upside in the job situation, I have an official interview at the private school on Monday.  I think this could be an absolutely great fit for me.  While I will feel badly about leaving my current job, I know everyone will understand that this is a permanent position.  

I am also not going to miss the drive to my current job.  Three mornings this week were a little bit rough.  Yesterday, I could barely see where I was going because of the fog.  It was so thick I had couldn't see anything and had absolutely no point of reference for where I was.  I was also going so slowly because I couldn't see that I really didn't have a sense of timing for when I should be at a landmark.  It was just rough.  Monday it was raining pretty steadily, and I was driving Andrew's car for the first time ever.  A rainy morning in the dark doesn't seem the best time for a debut drive, but fortunately since we both drive Honda vehicles, the control panel is pretty much the same.  Wednesday morning, I guess I just lost my mind because I blew right through a stop sign at a state route.  Thankfully, nothing was coming, but I realized how I just wasn't in the right place mentally to be driving at that point.  It was scary.  There was nothing wrong with me, I just wasn't quite myself.  It's made me a little jittery about driving overall, and I know how Thomas feels about things.

We had some really wet weather this week, which we needed.  We also had a VERY warm day today, although it's too late in October to really have to worry about turning the a/c back on.  A cold front came through this evening, and it's going to be delightful this weekend...if you like it chilly!  And goodness knows I do!

I am grateful for a little bit of time to myself this weekend, although I don't feel like Andrew and I have had much time together lately.  I hate taking time for ourselves, because I hate leaving Thomas home alone.  Overall though, life is pretty darn good.

No Legos at Christmas this year

Thomas shared his Christmas list with us this year...via a Google doc of course!  Definitely different than it used to be!  Anyway, there was not one Lego set listed.  I am ridiculously sad about this.  No longer do I get to purchase fun toys at the holidays.  In so many ways it is challenging to imagine a holiday where Thomas isn't spending the day putting together his newest Lego sets.

This is where we are though.  This is the phase of our life.  Thomas has been more helpful than I can put into words these last couple of months.  Honestly, I think I'd be a crazy woman without him.  He's been really helpful with Andrew's parents, and really helpful at home.  His maturity level in that regard is wonderful, although there are other ways in which it is lacking.  He's a great kid, though, and I'm so grateful.  But I'm still going to miss picking out a Lego set this year.

The conversation went well

Yesterday I had the conversation with the head of the private school.  I had really hoped it would result in more than "I'd like to schedule you for an interview", but that is not the case.  She is supposed to email me to let me know when she would like me to come in.  I'm a little saddened that this isn't happening sooner rather than later, but it is what it is.  She did say she was very impressed and overall, the conversation went very well.

I'm really ready to be finished with subbing.  Honestly, the way changes have occurred, it is really boring.  I'm ready to move on to craziness each day, to be honest.  Not crazy like elementary subbing crazy, but crazy like I work in an exciting office and you never know what the day will be crazy.

The first day of school went well overall.  Thomas said lunch was a wreck, but it does sound like he got to eat.  Andrew said things went well, but he isn't sure how well he'll be able to do with teaching online students at the same time.  I think being back is a good thing though.

Nice to know that we are already at Wednesday.  This week is going fairly quickly!

First day of school, part II

Andrew and Thomas were up before I left this morning.  Our routine requires that I get up about ten minutes earlier than I had been so that I can be out of the way before Andrew needs to get into the shower.  Honestly, it works out well overall.  

Thomas is really looking forward to being back at school today.  I hope that lasts.  Some of the rules and restrictions that are currently in place seem very draconian.  I've been working in a school for two months, and things have gone fairly well.  Some of the requirements seem so "big brotherish" that I remarked maybe they should just micro-chip the kids so they would know where they are at all times.  I hope that it isn't so over-bearing and overwhelming that it makes Thomas, or any other child, overly anxious.

It's certainly felt like a weird day, but these are weird times.  I hope they both have a great day!  I am looking forward to hearing how things have gone at the end of the day. 

The last Monday at home

Today is the last day that Andrew and Thomas will be at home.  It was actually a scheduled day off, so they aren't even working remotely today.  Tomorrow though, things are back in person.  It all feels very surreal right now.  I think it is a very good thing for Thomas though.

Lots of other things are happening this week as well.  We have an appointment at the bank this afternoon, and we get to sign paperwork to officially refinance our house today.  We are especially excited about that!  We have a church meeting tomorrow evening, and Andrew and Thomas are headed back to my in-laws this weekend for a quick trip.

Tomorrow afternoon is also a big afternoon.  I have a conversation with the head of the private school to which I applied.  It's not really an interview, but definitely a phone conversation.  I believe, if we can agree on wages, that the job is pretty much mine.  While I had not been wanting to work during summers, there are still many other advantages to this position.  I feel terrible as things are starting to get a little crazy here in the district where I am working and they really need me, but I can't pass up the opportunity for a permanent position in our town.  I am cautiously optimistic this will work out.

Here's to a great week for everyone!

I'm tired of "not counting"

My title sounds a little dramatic, but I don't mean to be.  Not getting the job hurt me to my core though.  I'll be completely honest, I cried myself to sleep last night.  I am so blessed with an amazing husband though.  His support is unwavering.

Part of the reason this all hurts so much is that the person they hired was an internal transfer.  They choose to prioritize those requests, although they do not have to do so (I've read the contract).  The thing is, this particular person had just transferred from one elementary to another six weeks ago.  It seems to me that perhaps she should've hung out in that job for a bit more, but whatever.  I, on the other hand, have worked in the high school many more days than not over the last four year.  But, I am not technically a district employee.  The district pays the county who then pays me.  But that doesn't change the fact that I did everything I could each day I was there.  I wanted to be there, and I developed relationships with the kids.  Clearly, none of that truly mattered to those who made the decision.

I'll be honest, I'm a little hyper-sensitive to that after what happened this week.  We had a school staff meeting at my current job.  I attended, because I consider myself part of the staff.  I have a staff badge, and keys to the classroom and the building (more than I was ever given previously).  We all know that this is only a one-year thing, but anyone who knows me knows I will give it everything I have each day I am there.  Again, though, I am actually paid by the county who is reimbursed by the school.  At the staff meeting this week, materials for a district wide project were handed out.  I received none.  Message received.  I'm not really a part of things there.  My friend (who hired me) makes sure I am included in things, but he is not my direct supervisor.  I'm not saying I'm not needed or not appreciated, I'm just saying I'm often an afterthought at best, and not truly part of the staff.

I mentioned to Andrew last night how I'm kind of tired of "not counting".  He immediately understood.  He mentioned I seem excited about this opportunity at the private school in town, and I do appreciate the possibility of being part of something there.  At the same time, my heart breaks when I think about how much I'll miss when it comes to things with Thomas.  I talked to him about it last evening, and said he understood.  I told him that I hate that I've worked during so much more of his schooling than I did for either his brother or sister.  I want him to know that he is just as important to me as the others and that I want to be at all of his moments.  When we talk, he seems to understand, but it still breaks my heart.  That is why the job I am not getting was so perfect, and so important to me.

Okay, now life has to go on.  I didn't get the job.  I am still grateful for the one I have, and life is good overall.  Time to stop the pity party!

At least I know

 I didn't get the job at school.  This one is a lot harder than the last one in many ways.  Before, I knew this job would be opening and I still had a shot.  This time, I didn't even get an interview.  I suspect I displeased some administrators when I was asked to apply as a building sub and explained that I would not do so because I wanted to honor my current commitment.  My heart is hurting because this truly, truly was the job I had always wanted.  

They transferred a secretary from an elementary, which means there is now an opening there.  Unfortunately, it is my least favorite elementary.  At the same time, it would mean I would at least be in the district if I could get the job.  I would have some flexibility in being able to attend things for Thomas.  At the same time, I kind of just wonder if I am opening myself up for another rejection.

There is also an opening for an office manager at a private school here in town.  I know the person in charge of the school, and have emailed her asking some questions.  The downside is that it would be during the summer as well.  The upside is that it seems to be fairly flexible.  There are many other upsides and downsides as well, so we'll just have to wait and see what some of the answers turn out to be.

I'll be honest, this has been a very rough day.  My heart hurts.

I hope my grandmother is pleased

 I wrote in January about how we had taken custody of my grandmother's cat.  When G.G. passed away, it became permanent.  It took several months for Maudie to adjust, but she truly, truly is part of our family.  She and the other two cats don't really get along, but for the most part everyone can generally co-exist.  Maudie was very sweet with Catherine this summer.  When Catherine was having so many episodes and was mostly just hanging out in the recliner, Maudie spent her days there as well and kept her company.  Now, Maudie has decided that Thomas is her human.  It seems only fair, Rosie is all about Catherine, and Abby is all about Andrew.  I adore, absolutely adore watching Maudie with Thomas.  I truly hope my grandmother is very pleased when she looks down on us.  She adored Maudie, and I hope she is happy with how Maudie is living these days.

Mid October thoughts

Here we are at the middle of October.  To say this month has flown by is an absolute understatement.  I can't believe it is already half over.  I noticed on my drive to work this morning that the sky is no longer even beginning to show a sliver of pink by the time arrive.  It is still completely dark.

I have no school tomorrow!  To say I am excited about the prospect of sleeping in is an understatement.  I have just been completely wiped out.  It isn't that my life has been all that busy, it's just that I hate getting up so early.  I can generally make sure I am in bed in plenty of time to get seven hours, and often even more.  It's just that I don't sleep well during the night, so it's not "good sleep".  I came home this afternoon, made myself a nice hot caramel latte (it is raining and the temps are falling) and the proceeded to fall asleep as soon as I drank it.  I still feel like I could sleep some more, but I'm grateful for a little bit of relaxation this afternoon.

I've spent the last two work days not being in a classroom, but being in the high school office.  I hadn't been there in nearly a month, so I didn't mind.  Especially since I didn't bother to work on the filing.  I got to do general office duties.  It made me realize that I really, really want this secretary job.  However, the posting has been removed and I haven't had a call for an interview.  I still know I'm a strong candidate, but again, I just haven't had a good feeling about this since it posted last week.  Because school starts Tuesday, they will need to act fairly quickly.  If I don't get a phone call tomorrow, I feel it will be a strong indication I'm not getting an interview, and not getting hired.

The grief process for that is beginning again.  I'm also grieving, somewhat, that I won't get to be at our school this year.  I've realized I no longer love subbing.  Every time the phone rings, my heart skips a beat in hopes it is a principal calling for an interview.  Life goes on though.

I was also saddened this week by the passing of Joe Morgan.  He is the first of the Great Eight from the Big Red Machine to pass away.  As my sister said, it is sad and humbling to realize our idols aren't immortal.

Life is rolling right along!

Changes on the horizon

 A week from today, Andrew and Thomas will be back in school.  I've so appreciated the fact that they've been home while I've been working.  It's really made some things easier, and our sweet pup has certainly enjoyed it as well.  It's going to be an adjustment for her next week.  She hasn't had daily crate time since March!

Having everyone in-person means I will have to be more diligent about making sure we have clean masks.  Right now I'm the only one wearing one eight hours a day, but that is about to change.  I also need to make sure that the ice packs for our lunches are staying cold and not just sitting in lunch boxes each day.  I'm going to try to continue getting up the same time I do now, which should work as long as I shower the night before and have all my clothes laid out as well.  Andrew and Thomas begin school 1/2 later than last year so they will get to sleep in 30 minutes later than last year.

I would love to think that I will get to join them in a few weeks at their school, but honestly, I just don't have a great feeling about the job.  I can't really explain it, but there just isn't any optimism.  Regardless, I trust that things will work out as they are meant to be.

I've also been noticing that subbing isn't the same as it used to be.  Because teachers have become so accustomed to utilizing online platforms for assignments, they are able to do the same when they need to be out of class.  That means little to no interaction with the students.  I miss interacting with students, and it takes away some of the joy of subbing.  That's why the office job would be truly ideal.  My current plan (which we all know at this point means virtually nothing) is that I will serve my days as a sub here at this school, enjoy the summer off, go back to being a general sub at our school next year, and perhaps begin to look for something more permanent.

I know changes are coming.  I very much dislike change, even when changes can be good.  I try to plan for change, but that isn't always possible.  That's why I need to learn to just roll with things!

This weekend will go down as one of my favorites

 This past weekend will definitely be remembered as one of my favorites.  So many things filled my heart with much gratitude and joy.

I picked Catherine up from school Thursday afternoon.  I was so excited to have her around for a few days as it had been four weeks since she had been home!  Thomas had band practice that evening, but we planned some cake and fun after he was finished.  Unfortunately, the "he hit a parked car" incident happened, but we still enjoyed our evening together.

On Friday, Andrew and Thomas had to be at the football game, so Catherine and I picked up her best friend to stay overnight with us.  We met half way, and it was nice to chat with her mom for a minute before driving home.  I adore her best friend who has been a part of our life for so many years.  She is a senior now and has matured into a fabulous young lady.  I so enjoyed having her around, and again, it made my heart so full that someone adores my daughter so very much.  I also appreciate that because Catherine can drive, I could let her go pick up the pizzas and the doughnuts!

Saturday morning Andrew was up and wanted to go car shopping.  With Thomas's little mishap Thursday evening, it reminded us that we really needed to get working on replacing Andrew's car.  I didn't feel the need to go, and I was going to need to return Catherine's best friend, so I just hung out at the house working on chores.  Andrew purchased a very nice Honda Accord.  I love Hondas, although I don't love his specific car.  It's a little sportier than I think we need at our age, but I am so happy that he loves his car.  He is feeling guilty about how loaded it is, but I am glad that he has a car he likes.  As my mother said, he has worked hard, and we have the money right now.  And I'm so glad that is done.  Of course, the car lot was an hour away and he had to leave the vehicle in which he arrived there, so...

Saturday evening, we were invited over to a bonfire with some of the baseball coaches.  They are kind of part of our "social bubble", and with things that happening with school they needed some time to vent.  It is always wonderful to see them!  I was grateful that Catherine was home to hang out with Thomas.

Yesterday was a big day for Catherine as she did some major "adulting."  She's been wanting a vehicle, and since she now has a job where she might work until Midnight, Andrew and I decided it was a good idea.  We were going to let her use our "kids" car.  She was fine with it, although a little less fine since the driver's side mirror is held on with bright green duck tape.  It also meant we were back to two cars, which was less than desirable for us as well with school beginning in-person.  Andrew took her to a car lot, and she found a very cute car that is a good fit for her.  Her first major purchase in life!  She is also learning how the savings account that can seem to have a very significant amount of money can be drained very quickly.  We were concerned about her taking it to school until we had the insurance all set up.  However, her classes aren't until this afternoon.  I told her if she wanted to stay over again last night it could probably all get handled this morning, and she could take her vehicle.  She was thrilled, and honestly so was I!  I loved having her around for another evening.  Andrew had made a meatloaf dinner for some friend's parents who are recovering, and he made another one for us.  It was so wonderful to have all four of us sitting around the table for a Sunday dinner.  It was also very helpful in that Catherine was able to make the hour's drive with me to retrieve the car Andrew left at the car lot Saturday.

Our family has a busy week this week, although I do have Friday off work.  I am very tired today and know it's probably only going to get crazier, but my heart is so very full.  It was such a great weekend.  I am so grateful how well our family works together as a team, and I'm so grateful Catherine came to spend some time with us.  This weekend will truly be great memories for me!

I think I have an ornament addiction

 Today, two catalogs of Christmas ornaments arrived in the mail.  I was so excited and wanted to buy them all!  I think I have an ornament addiction.  Honestly, I love, beyond words, the family ornaments I purchase for us each year, and I love the ornaments that I purchase for the kids each year.  I spend time making sure their ornament represents something special and significant from the year.  I just love everything about the ornaments.  I wonder how many Christmas trees I will need in the future!

Here we go again

 I think we all remember the emotional roller-coaster of my work situation this past summer.  Well, here we go again!  The decision to reopen school was made ten days ago, and the job hadn't been posted, so I thought they were simply absorbing it, which I understood.  Yesterday though, there was the posting!  Having gone through all of this before, my emotions remained pretty tamped down, especially since it also means I have to quit the job I currently have, which my friend essentially gave me.  I spoke to him first thing this morning though, and he was completely understanding that I can not pass up the opportunity for a permanent job just so I don't hurt his feelings over this one-year job.  It was such a relief.  I don't expect to hear anything for at least a week though, and I'm grateful that at least I understand the timeline of it all a little better.

Also in the "here we go again" category, Thomas hit a vehicle last night.  You might be thinking this sounds familiar, and that is because it was exactly 32 days ago that he totaled Andrew's vehicle.  When he first told Andrew he mentioned that the driver's mirror had been torn off.  I immediately panicked about how I was going to get to work because Catherine needs the other vehicle today (she is home for the weekend) and we haven't had a chance to replace Andrew's car yet.  Fortunately, the mirror wasn't quite as bad as I had anticipated (although the green duck tape to hold it on does stand out!), and I was able to drive it to work today.  This car is the "kids" vehicle, so if it gets beat up that is exactly what is there for.

I also have to mention that in spite of my irritation and concern about Thomas's two accidents in a month, I was also very impressed at how quickly he did the right thing.  There is not a significant amount of damage to the other vehicle and it isn't overly noticeable, but even before Andrew or I could say anything he said he had already left a note apologizing, and included his name and our phone number.  So proud of him for knowing the right thing to do, and doing it without even thinking otherwise!

I am so grateful the weekend is here.  I love having Catherine around for a few days, and we have some fun plans with each other and with some friends.  Yay, it's Friday!!!

It's getting darker

When I started driving to work over six weeks ago, it was pretty close to full daylight when I would arrive.  Even when I left my house, it wasn't completely dark.  I knew those days weren't going to last, but I enjoyed them.  Time passed, and it would be dark when I left for work, but by the time I would arrive at school, there would be the beginnings of daylight, and I had watched a lovely sunrise on my drive.

Now though, it is totally and completely dark when I am leaving for school.  I don't even begin to see sliver of a sunrise until over half way to school, and it is still dark when I arrive.  It's chilly some mornings, but not down right cold yet.  I know those days are coming though.

I can't complain though.  To say that I am in love with fall is an understatement.  Last evening I was outside with our sweet pup (she is still struggling, but there has been some improvement), and I was just so grateful for the beautiful scenery around me.  Our evenings are cozy, and we are very blessed!

Even four day weekends pass too quickly

 The four days that I was home went so very quickly.  Of course, it isn't like we were all just home doing nothing and relaxing.  That is exactly why, during the early days of the virus shut-down, there were reasons to be grateful for the time we all had together to just relax.

Thomas had his schooling to do both days.  We also realized he was a little behind in things that were supposed to be accomplished, so he spent some additional time doing that.  Also, he was struggling with his finance class, and since I know a thing or two about that I spent some time helping.  Andrew arrived home Saturday evening.  It was so nice having him back.  Just having him home again seemed to help with Abby's health.  She was so excited, and has been improving.  She still isn't where we would like her to be, but we know she isn't suffering greatly at this point.

I also spent a significant part of the weekend trying to "get ahead".  I made sure the house was picked up.  I worked on some laundry.  I made a major trip to the grocery.  I did everything I could think of doing to try to make this week less stressful.

I did it because I can't imagine that Andrew's week could be more stressful.  As soon as he is done teaching today, he has to take Thomas to a school physical appointment.  Then he needs to get back and work an athletic event this evening.  He also has to work another one tomorrow evening, and then Wednesday and Thursday are extra hours required for conferences and/or work planning.  Friday is another athletic commitment.  It's a lot for him to think about, especially as the stress of school restarting and his dad's health are still all there.  I have meal planned to make sure I have the ingredients I need, as well as making sure they are the types of dishes that he can reheat.  He commented that he knows I am trying to help, and he appreciates it.

We make a good team, and I'm grateful for him.  We are getting very close to the days when it is just going to be he and I again.  While it makes me sad that my kids have grown up so very fast, I'm also very grateful that Andrew is the person with whom I get to share this life.

It has given me a new perspective on my mother

 When I was a child, my mother was a stay-at-home mom.  I don't ever remember thinking much about it.  I do remember though, when I was in middle school my mom had some community volunteer commitments that meant she wasn't home when I got home from school.  My sister and I were certainly old enough to be alone for a little bit after school.  My mom though, mentioned that every day I would ask if she would be home after school.  She took that to mean I didn't necessarily love her not being there.  It's possible.  I don't honestly remember.

I do know that half-way through my senior year of high school, my mother took a full-time job.  She made very clear that she was working to help my sister and I pay for college.  She worked for nearly eight years, finishing a little over a year after my sister finished her undergraduate degree.

Many times over the years when my father was ill, I remember being irritated that Dad was working and Mom was not.  I remember feeling that if my mother would go and get a job then Dad wouldn't feel the need to work.  I felt irritated that my mom was home just doing whatever she wanted.

Realistically though, there was nothing that was going to keep my father from working.  We always said he would work right until the end, and at the visitation I learned he had sent a work email less than an hour before he passed away.  My parents could have won millions in the lottery, and I don't think my dad would've completely given up working.

I also realize, and this week really drove it home, my mom wasn't home "doing whatever she wanted".  Mom was doing whatever was needed.  That is true of the entire time she was home, and is still true today.  When I was a kid, my mom was a room parent, and she was President of the PTO.  For years she sat on the board of Community Services, a local non-profit that serves my home town.  She volunteered as part of a group that drove those who couldn't drive themselves to medical appointments.  Mom chaperoned field trips and was a girl scout leader.  We were the house where friends stayed after school if they missed the bus or left their house keys at home and needed to wait until a parent got off work.  We were the house where friends came and grabbed a quick bite to eat between school and after-school activities.  After leaving her full-time job, Mom continued serving on nearly every committee that has ever existed in my hometown.  It is why she was named my hometown's 'Citizen of the Year' in 1995, and along with my father was named 'Philanthropist of the Year' in 2013.

She was also my father's constant care-giver.  Her volunteer commitments never came above my dad's needs, and it's been the same over the last three years with my aunt and my grandmother.  She has also been acting as a surrogate mother to a cousin, and trying to help with her young daughter.  She helps my sister out with things at her house when possible.

No, my mother did not spend all these years "doing whatever she wanted".  She has been taking care of just about everything and everyone all these years.  This past week was such an eye-opener for me.  Andrew needed to be with his dad.  I completely understood.  There were other things that needed to be handled though, and I was supposed to be working.  While I had only planned to take the one day, I will NEVER regret taking both days to be home.  This is where I was needed.  I was texting my mom the other day telling her everything that was going on, and telling about how I ended up being home both days.  She responded by telling me I was doing the right thing by making sure I was home.  I hadn't asked, and I'm not sure what made her say that, but it brought me to tears.  Ultimately, I realized this where I want to be, because this is where I need to be.

I don't really know what this means for anything, other than it feels a little life-altering to have this realization.  I know that I am incredibly blessed to even be able to consider not working a full-time job even without kids at home.  So many thoughts, emotions, and feelings have been front and center this week.

Kidney stones

 

None of us are physically feeling kidney stones, but this pretty much sums up how we are feeling right about now.  I originally found this back at the end of February right after my grandmother passed away.  In addition to that, we were dealing with some fairly significant family drama, as well as some other issues.  I remember at one point my ultra laid-back husband, who never lets anything get to him, looked at me and said, "I just can't deal with one more thing.  I just can't."  It was a bad sign.

Two weeks to the day after my husband's declaration, school shut down.  We got through it.  We got through the stress of the stay-at-home orders and the crazy fourth quarter of school.  We got through the lack of Prom and in-person graduation.

We got through Catherine's seizures (still on-going, but more like intense twitching at this point, and only at night).  We got through throwing her a graduation party while the virus was exploding again.  We got through transitioning her to her new life at college.  We got through the fact that summer swim didn't really happen, and Catherine lost her last opportunity to participate.

We got through Thomas's car accident (although there are still some unsettled issues).  We are getting through helping my mother move, as well as the drama that has ensued in the family due to my grandmother's passing.  I've also watched my mother try to be a mother-figure to my cousin who struggles in so, so many ways.  There isn't much I can do, so I just listen.

We've been getting through the adjustment of me working full-time with a 30+ minute commute.  We've been getting through the adjustment of Andrew and Thomas doing their school from home.  This part especially has been tough, but we are getting through it.

This week though, well this week is so much like that week in February.  Our sweet pup is not healing as we had hoped.  That most likely will mean surgery, and we hate to see her suffer in the meantime.  Andrew's dad has been released from the hospital, but it doesn't mean all is well.  He is at home, but requires complete nursing care.  Although the insurance has approved it, finding an available nurse is another story.  And honestly, the best case scenario at this point is still only months.  That is such a hard reality to accept.

When the schools announced they would open again in a few weeks, we all began to mentally prepare to switch gears.  However, we have since learned that it isn't going to be pretty.  The teachers are expected to continue doing everything they have been doing up to this point for the students that wish to remain virtual, AND teach their full slate of in-person classes each day as well, while making sure those in-person students are safe and following the protocols.  As you can imagine, the teachers are devastated and overwhelmed by this news.  The advice from the administration was that instead of planning for in-person teaching, just plan for the remote students and the kids will just logon in school instead of at home.  As a parent, this is not what we want for our child, and I can certainly tell you this is not what the kids want.  And it is not what the teachers want for their students either.  The point of face-to-face is teaching and interacting.  I've also been struggling with the schools opening and not being there, but my feelings about my job will be another post.

I am grateful that we still have our jobs.  I am grateful that we do not have to worry about paying our bills.  I am grateful that we have our health.  I am grateful for my faith, and my faith helps me to know we will get through all of this too.  It will pass.  Some of this though, is passing like a kidney stone.

It turned into a four day weekend

As I have mentioned, Andrew went back to his parents yesterday.  Thomas stayed here to help with the dog, which would mean he would have two days of in-home learning by himself.  Andrew and I were not thrilled with this, for a variety of reasons (I'll make another post about that).  I had decided I would take tomorrow off and be home.  I don't get any vacation or sick pay, so I would simply take the day without pay.

Then last night Abby developed her walking issues.  I didn't really want to stay home today, but promised Andrew I would if things seemed dire.  About 3:30 this morning, Abby woke me up to go out.  Things aren't better, but I wouldn't qualify them as dire yet.  I did however, have a migraine.  Since I am sleeping in the living room in order to not move Abby, I was near the sink so I decided to go ahead and take some medication to get ahead of it instead of just trying to sleep it off.  When I awoke at 5 and still had the headache, I decided to throw in the towel.  After all, between Abby, AND Thomas being home alone, AND my headache, it seemed there were enough reasons.  So now, it suddenly seams as though I have a four-day-weekend!  I'm not sad about that!