Yesterday was a bit of a tough day

Yesterday had a lot of emotion in it.  I am very grateful to be off work today in order to "recover" from all of it.

I started by visiting my paternal grandmother.  Yesterday was her 89th birthday.  I stopped to see her and take a card to her.  She was pleased by the surprise.  My sister had sent flowers and my mother called.  She seemed a little different yesterday.  She told me she had decided to put her name in for the assisted living facility on her community campus.  I was surprised.  She said that she didn't think she needed it yet, but wanted to make sure we all know that is where she wants to be when it is needed.  She had trouble balancing her checkbook, and that concerned me, because this woman has always been sharp as a tack.  She also mentioned to me how much she misses my dad especially, because she could always talk to him about things no one else understood.  I get it, no one should ever have to bury her child.  Because my aunt hasn't lived there in nearly 50 years, Grandma and Dad had a stronger connection.  As I watched her wave at me from her door as I left, my heart ached for all of it.  Changes are coming.  I thought back to my childhood, and while I am realistic enough to know those days are long, long over, I am grateful they were so special.

I then went to meet my mom at the nursing facility where my maternal grandmother is currently.  It is also on the same campus as my grandmother's community.  We were greeted with the information that G.G. had been ill that morning.  My mother took a fall right before Christmas, and is in pretty bad shape herself still.  I decided I would drive them instead of following them, and thank goodness I did.  G.G. needed her walker and a wheelchair in order to make it through the day, and she really didn't feel good.  She can't hear, and it kind of seems as though she is just wasting away.  Mom said she is certain that G.G. won't be around next year, and she isn't even sure she will make it to summer.  I can't disagree.  Her doctor appointment yesterday revealed some health issues, but treatments are difficult and invasive...and G.G. is 90.  The doctor was running over an hour behind, so I ended up being gone most of the day and not home with my kids.  I totally understand and my kids are certainly old enough to be home alone, but I don't want to miss days of being their mother either.   Being at medical appointments are tough for me given my personality.  It something I've only recently come to understand about myself, and I'm learning to accept that about myself.

I am so grateful for having my grandmothers in my life for 46 years already.  That is far longer than most people get to experience having one, let alone two, grandparents. 

And of course yesterday American military establishments were attacked by Iranians.  It is unnerving no matter what, but even more so with a son in the military.  At this time though, I have absolutely no reason to believe there is any chance he will be in harm's way anytime soon.

I am grateful for many things today, not the least of which is some time to myself.

A few days off

Andrew and I talked about my working last night.  We both agreed...I'm going to be pickier the rest of the school year.  I have only these few months left with Catherine, and then another two years with Thomas.  I want to be home when they are home.  So, only half days at any elementary school.  It might mean there are more days off, but we also both agreed that is okay as well.  If Andrew were being totally honest, he really likes having me off work.  He prefers that he not have to clean the house in the evening and be able to just sit and do his things, or even just "be" with our family.  I suspect the high school will still be able to find me jobs most days, but if not, I am not going to worry about it tremendously.

To that end, I am enjoying a few days off right now.  Yesterday there was nothing, and nothing for today popped up until this morning.  I had already agreed to help my mom take my grandmother to a doctor appointment, so I am off again today.  Currently nothing is scheduled for tomorrow, and that is fine as well.  Christmas needs to be put away and it is crazy busy at church with year-end, so I'm enjoying the gift of not working at school all day!

Back to early alarms

Even though I didn't work today, the alarm was still set for over an hour earlier than I'd been up in weeks.  Ugh!  That is the hard part about this week, and today specifically.  In fact, even on "early" days over break, I'd be getting up about now, and I've been up for 90 minutes already.  I am helping my mother with a doctor appointment for G.G. tomorrow, so I won't be working tomorrow either.  Kind of a nice way to "ease" back into the chaos.  And trust me, our calendar is very colorful this week, indicating plenty of chaos.

I was pretty emotional last night for a variety of reasons.  One was that I didn't feel quite right, but certainly another was the end of this break.  I truly love getting to be a sub, but I am not one that loves being up at 5AM.  I also love having my kids at home and having our little family together.  With the reality that Catherine will be living in an apartment rather than a dorm, I recognize she most likely will not be around for weeks next year.  It is more likely to be days.  I regret I didn't take more pictures or play more family games.

The passage of time is hitting me hard right now.  One of my grandmothers turns 89 tomorrow, and the other is in a rehab facility.  My father-in-law is deteriorating.  I can see a great deal of loss in our future, and it pains me.  I try very hard to hold on to the happiness that is in each moment!

Family time capsule

On December 31, 1999, many members of my mother's family gathered together to celebrate New Year's Eve.  My uncle Chuck and Aunt Becky decided we were going to be begin a family time capsule in honor of Y2K.  I remember my mother didn't go because it had been a bad day with my dad.  Many of my cousins were teenagers and a family party wasn't what they were going for either.  I remember my grandmother and Aunt Cathy being there, as well as my cousin Philip.  I remember staying for a while before I ventured to the house of my best friend, where I celebrated the rest of the evening with friends.

Ten years later, many of our family members gathered together again at my aunt & uncle's house.  We opened the capsule and read some of the letters that had been included.  We also added to the time capsule.  I added more pictures, Robert added a scouting magazine, and Thomas had included a toy car.  Very appropriate.  Our family grew very much in that decade.

This year, we gathered again, although not on New Year's Eve.  I was grateful that my aunt & uncle simply put things out and let us peruse them.  In the last ten years although we had gained three new babies, we had also lost my dad, and Aunt Becky's mom, and of course we also lost Aunt Cathy just a few months ago.  It allowed us to look at things as we wanted, and overall, it allowed us to just visit.  My mom even brought my Grandmother down.  It was really a lovely afternoon.  I added a picture and wrote a letter about our family.  Thomas added a guitar pick.  I love that.

I'm so grateful for my family doing this.  Not only is it a fabulous way to preserve memories, but I love getting to visit with each other!

It turned out not-so-bad

Yesterday was my husband's birthday.  Of course, he had to return to work, and that is a bummer.  He doesn't mind so much.  I'm grateful that he enjoys his job so much.

On Tuesday, I had realized that although the kids had swim and workout practice last evening, Andrew and I had nothing on our calendar.  I got to work and invited about 30 people to join us for a couple of drinks uptown.  The college students aren't back yet, and it's awesome to be able to enjoy the establishments without the crowds.  I knew it was last minute, but was cautiously optimistic that some could make it.  I knew several would definitely try!

Unfortunately, as the days rolled along, more and more "sorry, can't make it" replies were received.  I was feeling terrible about the fact that almost no one was coming to celebrate my husband's birthday because I couldn't plan ahead.

And then things went further south.  My husband mentioned that the head baseball coach asked if they wanted to carpool to the baseball conference they were attending.  What???  What conference?? My husband neglected to mention that he was attending a conference that will require him to be gone for TWO NIGHTS.  I had made plans!  I was livid.  He swears he told me, and I pointed out that had he told me, I would've been planning to be his sub!  I pointed out that he is not getting paid to coach so this isn't exactly "work related" as he was trying to claim.  It wasn't pleasant.

In the end, only one couple showed up join us last evening...but it was our dear, dear friends from our former town.  As Andrew and I said, if it was only going to be one couple, at least it was them!  We absolutely loved getting to spend an evening with just them.  They are so very dear to us, and I'm so incredibly grateful that they made the effort to be there!

New things in the new year

Today was Andrew's last day off.  He has a work day tomorrow at school.  I've really enjoyed these two weeks off and I'm never ready for them to end.  I'm working very hard though, on learning to relax and enjoy time during the week as well. 

We have also taken temporary custody of my grandmother's cat.  Grandma moved into a rehab facility on Tuesday.  She was fading over the last two weeks, but doctors didn't find anything wrong with her.  We think part of it is depression, and that led to not eating and that led to mostly sleeping.  Part of her need for rehab is just to build her strength.

Last year at her 90th birthday party, she asked (and we agreed) to take the cat if she couldn't care for her.  G.G. is going to be in rehab at least a month.  We drove up today to get the cat.  Honestly, she is a sweetie.  Of course, she is afraid of her new environment.  She vomited in the cat crate about ten minutes from here.  We got her cleaned up, but she doesn't want much to do with us right now.  We are keeping her isolated in our sun room, which means the cat food has to be brought out into our living areas, but put up because our pup will eat it otherwise.  We've also had to bring out one of their litter boxes, and hope they start using it.  There is some concern that she has an infection (although I don't see any indications) and we can't get her into a vet until Tuesday.  Hopefully she will be fine.  She really is a sweet cat.  The plan is that G.G. gets her back when she returns, but in the meantime we will take good care of her!

Happy New Year...2020!

It's one of my favorite days of the year...New Year's Day.  A day with few (if any) commitments, and lots of good college football.  I must point out though, that with the creation of the football playoff system, the day isn't quite as full as it used to be.  Only four games today, but four pretty darn good games!

I am so in love with today.  Andrew and Thomas are picking up Thomas's best friend from our former community.  We've been gone over six years, and those two still love hanging out.  Such an amazing blessing.

Another blessing is the friends with whom we rang in the new year last night.  The years of friendship in that room are countless.  Life changes, but there was so much love in that room.  I'm grateful for the times we are able to spend together, especially as they become more difficult to find.

Happy New Year everyone!  May 2020 be the best year yet!