Yesterday had a lot of emotion in it. I am very grateful to be off work today in order to "recover" from all of it.
I started by visiting my paternal grandmother. Yesterday was her 89th birthday. I stopped to see her and take a card to her. She was pleased by the surprise. My sister had sent flowers and my mother called. She seemed a little different yesterday. She told me she had decided to put her name in for the assisted living facility on her community campus. I was surprised. She said that she didn't think she needed it yet, but wanted to make sure we all know that is where she wants to be when it is needed. She had trouble balancing her checkbook, and that concerned me, because this woman has always been sharp as a tack. She also mentioned to me how much she misses my dad especially, because she could always talk to him about things no one else understood. I get it, no one should ever have to bury her child. Because my aunt hasn't lived there in nearly 50 years, Grandma and Dad had a stronger connection. As I watched her wave at me from her door as I left, my heart ached for all of it. Changes are coming. I thought back to my childhood, and while I am realistic enough to know those days are long, long over, I am grateful they were so special.
I then went to meet my mom at the nursing facility where my maternal grandmother is currently. It is also on the same campus as my grandmother's community. We were greeted with the information that G.G. had been ill that morning. My mother took a fall right before Christmas, and is in pretty bad shape herself still. I decided I would drive them instead of following them, and thank goodness I did. G.G. needed her walker and a wheelchair in order to make it through the day, and she really didn't feel good. She can't hear, and it kind of seems as though she is just wasting away. Mom said she is certain that G.G. won't be around next year, and she isn't even sure she will make it to summer. I can't disagree. Her doctor appointment yesterday revealed some health issues, but treatments are difficult and invasive...and G.G. is 90. The doctor was running over an hour behind, so I ended up being gone most of the day and not home with my kids. I totally understand and my kids are certainly old enough to be home alone, but I don't want to miss days of being their mother either. Being at medical appointments are tough for me given my personality. It something I've only recently come to understand about myself, and I'm learning to accept that about myself.
I am so grateful for having my grandmothers in my life for 46 years already. That is far longer than most people get to experience having one, let alone two, grandparents.
And of course yesterday American military establishments were attacked by Iranians. It is unnerving no matter what, but even more so with a son in the military. At this time though, I have absolutely no reason to believe there is any chance he will be in harm's way anytime soon.
I am grateful for many things today, not the least of which is some time to myself.
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