The end of tennis season

This evening was Thomas's final tennis match.  It was only the second match of the entire season that both Andrew and I were able to attend.  There was a home match last evening, but I was dealing with other things (a post for another time).  Catherine was able to be there yesterday, and I know that meant such a great deal to Thomas.  I've seen a lot of improvement during this season.  Today he was able to win his second match of the season.  It's a great way to end the season.

He also was allowed to play an additional set of singles.  He won't be able to participate in the actual last match of the season tomorrow because he is working (I messed up scheduling) so he was allowed to play the extra person that the other team brought.  He had played a really, really even and long match, so playing again was tough and he was totally outmatched.  We decided we aren't really counting that though, so in our minds, he ended the season with a great match and a victory.

We celebrated by bringing in Thomas's favorite fast-food for dinner.  Baseball also ends this week, and I can't be sad about that either.  We are so close to the end of the year, and life being just a tiny bit more relaxing!

Mother's Day 2021

 Today has been a very nice day.  Catherine's best friend came over last night and spent the night.  She left early afternoon.  It's been a soaking rain day, and that gave me exactly the justification I needed to sit on the couch and not do much.  The house is generally picked up, and although I did a load of laundry, I've allowed myself to just kind of sit today.  Andrew gave me a few very nice gifts, but the best were from the kids.  My awesome kiddos picked them out and paid for the gift card and card themselves.  They are absolutely awesome.  I'm more blessed to be their mother than I can put into words.

Last evening we attended the FFA awards.  At one time, I was literally in tears.  My heart is at that school and with those kids.  I miss them so much.  They also honored many of the accomplishments from last year that involved the class of 2020.  The advisor mentioned how fabulous and special that class had been, and it's so very true.  It really tugged at my heart.  I was able to see many of the kids and give hugs.  It was very nice.

I had learned a couple of weeks ago that the head secretary job at the high school was open.  I had told Andrew I never wanted that job because it worked all summer (I found out not exactly the case), but it almost seemed cruel that all three jobs had been open this year.  Today, I found out the assistant secretary job is now open as she is the one who transferred into the head job.  So, the job I first applied for nearly eleven months ago is open again.  Honestly, I wanted to cry.  My heart is at that school, and that is exactly where I want to be.  I don't love the job I'm currently in, but I do appreciate the financial comfort is currently provides, and I certainly don't dislike it.  I feel like I need to give the job I'm in a year, and go through a normal school year and see if things get better.  And ultimately, I don't feel like I can put myself through the up-and-down emotions of applying for the job at the high school again.  It hurts though, and it almost seems as though it's just fate being cruel.

Regardless of that situation, I've really enjoyed my day today.  I"m so grateful for my amazing family, my amazing kids, and our life.  Tomorrow I'll get to see my own mother and my grandmother, and I'm very excited about that!

Emotions and feelings and long weeks and we just need to be finished

I can't believe it isn't yet Friday.  I am beyond exhausted, and I am completely drained.  I'll be spending the next week helping my sister and aunt make some decisions about the next stage of my grandmother's life.  Every thought about it brings tears.  Not only is she my last surviving grandparent, but she is a link to my dad.  It makes me emotional.

Today, I sat with a young student who just cried and cried because her teacher told the class that she (the teacher) was moving on to a new school next year.  Because we are a Montessori school where multiple grades are in one class and this particular teacher had changed assignments at school, Ruth had always been in a class with the teacher.  The fact that the teacher was leaving was so heartbreaking to Ruth.  I sat with her on the bench waiting for her dad to arrive.  I rubbed her back and put my arm around her.  Given my emotional state, I was fighting tears myself.  Her heartbreak broke my heart.

I've also sat with Thomas tonight as his heart broke over the vehicle.  The car we purchased for the kids 4-1/2 years ago might be kaput.  Thomas is so, so upset about it.  Andrew thought he had lost his mind, but I get it.  I get him.  Our hearts get us attached to things, and I know it doesn't make sense, but it happens.

We need to be finished with this week, and we so need to be finished with this school year.  EVERYTHING about this school year has been hard.  It was hard for Andrew and Thomas to begin the year remotely.  It was hard when school went in person, but Andrew was still teaching the remote students.  It was hard for Catherine to have her first year of college be almost completely online.  Not only was it hard for her to navigate her classes, but she couldn't meet people.  Although a blessing, it has been hard to navigate working full time for the first time as a parent.  Even though my children are almost completely grown, being a mom is still the most important job I'll ever have.  We need this school year to be finished.

Only about 18 hours until the weekend begins.  Fourteen school days left for me (although I will work all summer, it has more flexibility), fifteen for Thomas, and sixteen for Andrew.  We'll get there, and we'll all be okay.

A lot going on

May is always crazy, although this year it is for different reasons.  Yes, Andrew is still coaching baseball (I'll be honest, I'm just over it this year), and we added Thomas playing tennis to it this year.  Because tennis matches start at 4 and I now have to work until 4, I only go to home matches (except for his very first match).  Of course, I have a "real" full-time job this year which is new to us, and that adds a little craziness as well.

There is also so much happening in our extended families, and I can't help but feel there is a lot of loss we are going to be seeing.  Andrew's father has stabilized, but reality is that we'll be beyond lucky if he makes it another two years.  My grandmother has weakened quickly.  She had decided over the weekend that she would move into assisted living when her rehab stay was over, but has now decided that she'll just go straight to the nursing home.  That is a lot to process, considering a week ago things were still pretty normal for her.  It makes me emotional.

My sister also called last night to tell me that she learned my uncle, the one making mom's life challenging, has been in the hospital.  He was diagnosed with leukemia many years ago, but the doctors felt, at the time, that it would progress so slowly that something else would kill him eventually.  It turns out that things have changed, and he is currently undergoing treatments for the leukemia.  It is sad that my sister learned through a mutual acquaintance and not because anyone was contacted.  My sister reached out, and there is hope that he can still be stabilized.  It makes me sad though, because things are just so unpleasant with that.

I am grateful for my faith which provides comfort and peace, but I won't lie.  I'm emotional and drained quite a bit these days.

Some thoughts for my grandma

My grandma has been having a really rough time with some pain, and was in the emergency room yesterday.  While she doesn't need to be hospitalized at this time, she has been moved into the rehab unit of the nursing home for now.  We expect that she will move to assisted living after leaving rehab.

My grandmother is 90 years old.  I know that she isn't going to live forever, and that breaks my heart.  She is one of the most amazing women I've ever known.  Her emotional fortitude and strength is second to none.  She raised an amazing man in my father, and I can't even imagine how her heart broke as he was buried, not to mention all those years of watching him suffer.

It will break my heart when she is gone, and even just thinking about it brings me to tears.  Her passing will have a profound impact on me in so many ways, and I absolutely hate to think about it.  As we are going through this though, I am realizing there is something even worse, and that is having her suffer.  I hate, hate, hate, that she is in significant pain right now.  The doctors don't think anything major is wrong, but I want her out of pain!

I've been praying a lot today.  Her passing is not imminent by any means.  I just want her to be comfortable.

Summer plans

Our family has made just a couple of summer plans, and I'm so very, very excited.  Two weeks ago we booked a four day trip to Holland, MI.  We knew that a trip to the ocean wasn't going to happen this year, but Thomas really wanted our vacation to include water.  I had taken Robert to a running camp in Holland four years ago, and really liked the town.  It is only five hours away, and the four days there will be perfect.

Additionally, Andrew and I made plans to get away for two days, just he and I.  We are going to a nice hotel in Lexington, and again, I am so excited!  Our Billy Joel at Notre Dame concert was postponed again until 2022, so after not taking any trips last year, it will be so very nice to be able to do this over our summer.  I am so grateful we can make this happen!

Prom

Tonight everyone (except me) is at Prom.  The high school invited back the class of 2020, and allowed anyone who is a junior or senior at our high school to also attend.  Thomas was a little disappointed he couldn't take the girl he likes who is a sophomore.  Catherine had not attended her junior prom, so she was super excited she was able to go.  To say that she looks beautiful is an understatement.  I'm so grateful for a dear friend who wanted to come and get her ready.  I am grateful beyond words, but that is another post.  Andrew is chaperoning, and I'm enjoying my quiet time.  My heart is so very, very full right now.