This has been a nice holiday weekend. We have enjoyed having my in-laws here, although I am somewhat grateful that they are leaving today. I don't feel well at all, and I'm just not really sure what we would do with them if they stayed today. It's been truly wonderful to have them here though, and four weeks from today we'll be making the trek east ourselves for Christmas with them.
I had been somewhat apprehensive how I was going to feel about things. Thanksgiving was wonderful though. My aunt hosted 30 family members and close friends, and honestly, I truly enjoyed myself. The nine great-grandkids were all together and we even got a picture of them with my grandmother. I treasured watching all of the kids play together, and Robert was so very tolerant of the very little ones. As the oldest grandchild myself I remembered those days, and I was proud of him. I loved catching up with my cousins and I must say, everyone married well! The in-laws have truly brought much joy to our family! I am so grateful to my aunt and uncle who so graciously open their home to so many!
I've been wondering how the holidays were going to feel, and I've often felt surprised by how sad I don't feel. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that Thanksgiving is not really a holiday I associated with my Dad. Christmas will be another story. That man absolutely loved Christmas. As with so many examples I've learned over the last several weeks, giving was one of my father's greatest joys, and Christmas allowed him to really get carried away. He loved decorating and driving around to see the lights, and he loved Christmas music...especially Mitch miller. So yeah, Christmas is going to be the tough one.
At the same time, I also recognize that I've been grieving my father for nearly a decade. Selling the cottage was, in some ways, our loss of him. That had been our place and our time with him. We were really the only ones who used it except him, and he loved having us there. I can remember him telling us after we had spent a day there, "You don't know how much I've enjoyed this." In the last year, we hadn't been able to go out to eat with him and since early summer, even visiting at the house was tough. There had been very, very few phone calls, and the email exchanges that used to go on and on had ended months ago. He just wasn't up to it. I know we've been losing my father little by little for years, but since April, he had been gone in so many ways. As I've told Andrew, I've grieved so many times over the years, and especially over the last few months. I also have faith that allows me to believe he is no longer suffering and is in a better place. I can accept that without question.
Today after my in-laws leave we are going to put up the decorations, especially the tree. As much as my dad loved Christmas, I know I'm going to feel him here with me today. It may be tough at times, but Dad would want us to celebrate and be happy!
Friday, November 29, 2013
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Thanksgiving morning
While my in-laws are here, they sleep in our bed and Andrew and I set up camp in Catherine's room. And since I sleep on a cot, it literally does feel like camping. Anyway, shortly after 7:00 this morning, we both got up because neither of us could sleep. I'm not sure why Andrew couldn't sleep, but for me I'm battling a head cold/possible sinus infection and it just wasn't going to let me go back to sleep. I am sure I will pay for this tonight and will end up missing the Steelers/Ravens game!
But I must admit, it certainly is nice and quiet and peaceful here. I love that our large bay picture window in the front of our house has a side that faces the southeast...perfect for watching the sun rise this time of year.
In spite of the stress of the last month, I am so grateful for so many things...more things than I can list. Family, friends, and the grace of God are very high on the list though...and are an amazing blessing everyday.
I hope that everyone has a peaceful and Happy Thanksgiving!
But I must admit, it certainly is nice and quiet and peaceful here. I love that our large bay picture window in the front of our house has a side that faces the southeast...perfect for watching the sun rise this time of year.
In spite of the stress of the last month, I am so grateful for so many things...more things than I can list. Family, friends, and the grace of God are very high on the list though...and are an amazing blessing everyday.
I hope that everyone has a peaceful and Happy Thanksgiving!
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
They are on their way
My in-laws had been planning for quite some time to come here for Thanksgiving and join my large extended family on my mother's side for the meal tomorrow. Even after my brother-in-law's stroke of a couple of weeks ago, they were still hoping to come and see the grandkids, although they probably won't stay as long. Watching the forecast though, we were becoming rather concerned. My father-in-law is 78, and just not as confidant and comfortable on the roads as he used to be. By last evening we were pretty convinced that it wasn't going to happen, and we were planning a trip there next weekend as a back up.
However, we woke up to pleasant news this morning! The storm had not tracked quite as expected and their area had not been hit nearly as badly as original predictions. They left about 11:00 this morning and should arrive before dinner this evening. We are so excited that they can still join us!
However, we woke up to pleasant news this morning! The storm had not tracked quite as expected and their area had not been hit nearly as badly as original predictions. They left about 11:00 this morning and should arrive before dinner this evening. We are so excited that they can still join us!
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Tributes
There have been so many tributes paid to my dad that we have all been astounded. Of course I knew that my dad was a special and wonderful man, but we have truly been overwhelmed by others who have shared with us that they felt the same way. There was a tribute article in our hometown newspaper this past weekend, and people from near and far have sent messages to our family. There were over 320 people who stood in line at his visitation, some for nearly an hour. My friend from Chicago was coming for my birthday celebration and decided to stay through the services. Another friend whom I haven't seen in over seven years surprised me by driving over an hour from her home near Columbus to pay her respects. That brought me to tears. I think the thing that truly touched me is that my father was a hugely successful businessman, but that isn't at all what people talked about as they chatted with us. People told us how kind, gentle, and generous he was, and that no one, even going back to his high school days, had every heard anyone say an unkind word about him. Those that are in my generation talked about what my dad had taught them...not only kindness and fairness, but his second-to-none work ethic. Here we are, nearly 12 days removed, and we are still getting messages, cards, and condolences.
My mom mentioned to me the other day that Dad would be shocked to see all of this. My father did everything in his life "behind the scenes." If he were alive right now he would be pulling someone aside and telling them this nonsense needed to stop right now.
This had been a rough 12 days, but honestly, in some ways, not as awful as I had always anticipated it being. I'm sure some things will hit me at times, and certain dates will be difficult. But knowing that my father touched the lives of so many in such an amazingly positive way has provided such a great deal of comfort!
My mom mentioned to me the other day that Dad would be shocked to see all of this. My father did everything in his life "behind the scenes." If he were alive right now he would be pulling someone aside and telling them this nonsense needed to stop right now.
This had been a rough 12 days, but honestly, in some ways, not as awful as I had always anticipated it being. I'm sure some things will hit me at times, and certain dates will be difficult. But knowing that my father touched the lives of so many in such an amazingly positive way has provided such a great deal of comfort!
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Last visit
Three weeks ago I vividly remember standing in our bathroom getting ready to drive to my hometown and go to my parents' house. I remember how much I really didn't want to go. I had only been finished working at our old house for about two weeks and still felt like there was so much to do here at the new one so that we weren't constantly living among boxes. And the fact that we had moved further away meant that the entire thing was going to take an hour longer in the car than it would've if we had lived at our house...I wanted to just stay home.
And then I mentally scolded myself. I should be grateful that I could help my parents, and even more grateful that my dad was still here. Mom made a pot of sloppy joe's for lunch, and the kids occupied themselves watching TV and playing with some toys there. Andrew and I, with some help from Robert, spent the day moving furniture around and doing some other little odd jobs that would help them out. My dad was having a fairly good day, and even came in and sat with us for awhile. At one point we all kind of became slap-happy, and I remember thinking how good it felt for all of us to be laughing.
As it turns out, that was the last time I ever got to see Dad. I regret that he was asleep when we left, but I did get to talk to him on the phone one more time after that (although I was in the process of losing my cell signal and that was less than ideal as well). Strangely, the memory of looking into his room and seeing him sleeping is absolutely seared into my memory. I am eternally grateful that our last visit was full of so much laughter...I take great comfort in that.
And then I mentally scolded myself. I should be grateful that I could help my parents, and even more grateful that my dad was still here. Mom made a pot of sloppy joe's for lunch, and the kids occupied themselves watching TV and playing with some toys there. Andrew and I, with some help from Robert, spent the day moving furniture around and doing some other little odd jobs that would help them out. My dad was having a fairly good day, and even came in and sat with us for awhile. At one point we all kind of became slap-happy, and I remember thinking how good it felt for all of us to be laughing.
As it turns out, that was the last time I ever got to see Dad. I regret that he was asleep when we left, but I did get to talk to him on the phone one more time after that (although I was in the process of losing my cell signal and that was less than ideal as well). Strangely, the memory of looking into his room and seeing him sleeping is absolutely seared into my memory. I am eternally grateful that our last visit was full of so much laughter...I take great comfort in that.
Friday, November 22, 2013
The beginning of the holidays
As far as I am concerned, the official beginning of the holidays is this weekend...the weekend before Thanksgiving. When Michigan and OSU played on this weekend, it really was a holiday in our house! Now they don't play until next week which I don't really like as much...so much going on next weekend! I am looking forward to celebrating and sharing time with family next weekend. I know there are going to be some tough moments, but overall I'm excited about the holiday season coming!
Hoping it ends just as it began
A year ago today, Catherine's classmate Grace passed away. Her family has grieved with such strength it has amazed me every day. Having just lived it, I am certain her family also felt grateful she was no longer suffering, but I can not imagine losing a child.
Since Grace's passing, we have also lost my great-uncle, my aunt's mother, a friend's father, my father's best friend, and now my dad. On top of that, one of our cats died, we moved and I had to give up a job that I loved, the kids have switched schools, Andrew's brother had a stroke last week, and there was some drama last spring involving our children. That's a lot in just a year folks.
When I was in high school, my tiny hometown lost nine teenagers to car accidents...that was a HUGE amount. I remember when Jeannette died. Of the nine, the was the last one and the one I personally was closest to. I remember gathering with friends and thinking to myself, "this is it. This will be the last one. We can't take anymore." I am grateful that it was five years before another tragedy of that type befell our community.
I kind of feel that way now. Overall, I recognize that our family is still amazingly blessed, and I experience gratitude on a daily basis. At the same time, I am done. This needs to be the end. While last year's Thanksgiving was the beginning of a cycle of stress and sadness, I am completely confidant that this year's Thanksgiving is the beginning of a cycle of healing.
Since Grace's passing, we have also lost my great-uncle, my aunt's mother, a friend's father, my father's best friend, and now my dad. On top of that, one of our cats died, we moved and I had to give up a job that I loved, the kids have switched schools, Andrew's brother had a stroke last week, and there was some drama last spring involving our children. That's a lot in just a year folks.
When I was in high school, my tiny hometown lost nine teenagers to car accidents...that was a HUGE amount. I remember when Jeannette died. Of the nine, the was the last one and the one I personally was closest to. I remember gathering with friends and thinking to myself, "this is it. This will be the last one. We can't take anymore." I am grateful that it was five years before another tragedy of that type befell our community.
I kind of feel that way now. Overall, I recognize that our family is still amazingly blessed, and I experience gratitude on a daily basis. At the same time, I am done. This needs to be the end. While last year's Thanksgiving was the beginning of a cycle of stress and sadness, I am completely confidant that this year's Thanksgiving is the beginning of a cycle of healing.
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