I've learned a lot about a lot of things the last 2-1/2 weeks that I've been teaching first grade. I've learned that no many how many times I give directions, someone isn't going to follow them. I've learned that regardless of how many visuals I've given, someone will still be on the wrong page. I've learned that giving the rules one day does not seem to mean they are still in effect the next day and must therefore be repeated. And I've learned that no matter how recently you just used the restroom as a class, someone will desperately need to go as soon as you get out onto the playground.
But most of the things that I've learned are about myself. I've learned that I don't love first grade. The kids are very cute and I'm enjoying my days in their classroom, but I've learned that I prefer "meatier" content. I know that there is nothing more important than teaching kids to read and do basic math , and I'm the one that is setting this foundation for them right now. But I've found that I much, much prefer to teach something where the kids and I can get into a good solid discussion about the topic. Short a and short i sounds, along with "What shape is this?" just isn't cutting it for me in that department.
I've also learned that I love being a mother to my three beautiful children more than absolutely anything else in the world. I'm missing JR terribly with him being gone so much with my husband at his new school, and I'm missing getting to see JC at school since I'm pretty much stuck in the Primary building. I don't like the fact that by the time we get home every afternoon at nearly 4:30, it's time to throw dinner on the table before our evening activities, and I don't love the fact that between their activities and my work that has to be done at home in the evening there are times I don't even check their backpacks for things I might need to know. I don't love the fact that sometimes I'm just too tired to pack their lunches, and I tell them to just buy something in the school lunch line. I don't like that when JR asked me to play a wii bowling tournament with him today I couldn't help but think of the hours of planning and coordinating I needed to do today for the upcoming week in the classroom (although we did play one game), and I especially don't like the fact that in order to go to the grocery this week I'll have to miss either dinner or bedtime tomorrow evening. This long term sub job has made me realize that while I need to work at least part time, I certainly don't want to work full time. I'll have the rest of my life to work and save up money, but I only get to look after these amazing children for a few short years, and those years are just flying by.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Fall ball
Today, JR will have his 5th game of the fall ball season. They are currently 2-2, but the two teams to which they've lost are select teams that have been together for quite a while. It seems as though JR's team is the strongest of the "new" teams that have joined the fall league this year. I'm sure that is due to the coaching as much as the talent. My wonderful husband and our good friend Bob are very good coaches and really enjoy working with the boys.
JR's season has not been as successful as the rest of the team. For one thing, he just isn't really into practicing. Of course he goes to the weekly practice, but he isn't really into getting out in the yard and practicing catching. Hitting is more challenging because it would require driving to the park, but none the less he isn't even asking to do that either. And without practice, his success as a hitter has been limited and he's starting to feel very discouraged. The boys are going to play together as a select team this year, and I think it's going to be very interesting to see how long JR continues to want to play baseball. In the meantime, he's been asking what Olympic sport he can play because that's his new plan for when he grows up!
JR's season has not been as successful as the rest of the team. For one thing, he just isn't really into practicing. Of course he goes to the weekly practice, but he isn't really into getting out in the yard and practicing catching. Hitting is more challenging because it would require driving to the park, but none the less he isn't even asking to do that either. And without practice, his success as a hitter has been limited and he's starting to feel very discouraged. The boys are going to play together as a select team this year, and I think it's going to be very interesting to see how long JR continues to want to play baseball. In the meantime, he's been asking what Olympic sport he can play because that's his new plan for when he grows up!
Sunday, September 23, 2012
A great day in sports
Yesterday was an absolutely great day in the sports world, at least in our household! FINALLY have the last few years have brought last second heartache, Notre Dame defeated Michigan. GO IRISH!!! I still have some concerns about the success of the rest of the season as I've not been totally confident in their play yet, but at this point it doesn't matter. WE BEAT MICHIGAN!!!!
Also, and really, more importantly, the REDS CLINCHED THE CENTRAL DIVISION!!! We were all trying to get things done yesterday while the game was on, and as JC pointed out, every TV in the house was tuned in to the game. When the top of the ninth arrived and the Reds were up 6-0, I called everyone to the living room so we could watch it together. When they clinched two years ago I was the only one still awake, and I wanted to make sure the kids didn't miss it this time. As I watched the Reds turn the game ending, division clinching double play, I honestly had tears in my eyes. There were two reasons for this...1) we really have a shot at something big in the postseason this year and 2) my entire family was sitting together when it happened. These days, that is such a rarity.
Also, and really, more importantly, the REDS CLINCHED THE CENTRAL DIVISION!!! We were all trying to get things done yesterday while the game was on, and as JC pointed out, every TV in the house was tuned in to the game. When the top of the ninth arrived and the Reds were up 6-0, I called everyone to the living room so we could watch it together. When they clinched two years ago I was the only one still awake, and I wanted to make sure the kids didn't miss it this time. As I watched the Reds turn the game ending, division clinching double play, I honestly had tears in my eyes. There were two reasons for this...1) we really have a shot at something big in the postseason this year and 2) my entire family was sitting together when it happened. These days, that is such a rarity.
Haven't gone anywhere
I can't tell you how many times I wanted to get on and write about our life, but there just hasn't been time. I apologize if this is a long post, but I want to catch up!
I'm really enjoying teaching first grade, but it's absolutely exhausting. Friday, I'm not sure if it was a bug or just total exhaustion, but I felt lousy and went to bed before 9:00 last night. We had plans to participate in a walk Saturday morning with "Uncle Nick" for the Alzheimers Assn. It was an absolutely gorgeous morning, and I was really looking forward to sharing such an experience with my family. We decided though, that although I'm felt better, it would be best if I stayed home. It gave me an opportunity to get some things picked up around the house that I hadn't managed to accomplish before, but I could only do a little before it was time to sit down again. Good news is that I feel much better this morning.
I'm happy to report that the project I was working on for Dad's office is finally finished. It's a good thing, because this week I'm going to have to start doing the planning for school all on my own. It's a little bit of an overwhelming feeling and I don't even know where to start. That doesn't really matter though, because I haven't even come close to having a chance to start!
Activities are back in full swing for the kids. HT and JC are back into their bi-monthly scout meetings. When they aren't there they are usually able to attend their karate class. JR and my wonderful husband have fall baseball (I'll write a post on that another time) and of course Sunday School is going on each week again. My husband is taking a class again this semester, and JR has joined a few clubs after school. JC has decided to participate in the tone chime choir that practices once a week after school, and as a gift to HT from some friends, he'll be participating in an after school enrichment activity. All in all, everyone has plenty to do and seems to be enjoying themselves!
I'm really enjoying teaching first grade, but it's absolutely exhausting. Friday, I'm not sure if it was a bug or just total exhaustion, but I felt lousy and went to bed before 9:00 last night. We had plans to participate in a walk Saturday morning with "Uncle Nick" for the Alzheimers Assn. It was an absolutely gorgeous morning, and I was really looking forward to sharing such an experience with my family. We decided though, that although I'm felt better, it would be best if I stayed home. It gave me an opportunity to get some things picked up around the house that I hadn't managed to accomplish before, but I could only do a little before it was time to sit down again. Good news is that I feel much better this morning.
I'm happy to report that the project I was working on for Dad's office is finally finished. It's a good thing, because this week I'm going to have to start doing the planning for school all on my own. It's a little bit of an overwhelming feeling and I don't even know where to start. That doesn't really matter though, because I haven't even come close to having a chance to start!
Activities are back in full swing for the kids. HT and JC are back into their bi-monthly scout meetings. When they aren't there they are usually able to attend their karate class. JR and my wonderful husband have fall baseball (I'll write a post on that another time) and of course Sunday School is going on each week again. My husband is taking a class again this semester, and JR has joined a few clubs after school. JC has decided to participate in the tone chime choir that practices once a week after school, and as a gift to HT from some friends, he'll be participating in an after school enrichment activity. All in all, everyone has plenty to do and seems to be enjoying themselves!
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Back at it
Sure enough, Mrs. D had her baby Wednesday morning and I've been teaching first grade ever since! It was pretty crazy the first day because it was our school district's first "early release" for teacher inservice that they are doing this year. It's getting better each day though, and I'm starting to feel like I'm really getting the hang of it.
At the same time, life has been incredibly overwhelming. Because I'm long term, I've been bringing home papers to grade, and there is prep work that has to be done at home. On top of it, I'd been working on a project for Dad's office and it's not done yet, so technically I have two jobs right now. I'm exhausted, but so far all of the necessities in life are getting accomplished, although perhaps not much beyond that at this point.
I'll be back with more stories and updates eventually...just wanted to take a quick break to keep updated!
At the same time, life has been incredibly overwhelming. Because I'm long term, I've been bringing home papers to grade, and there is prep work that has to be done at home. On top of it, I'd been working on a project for Dad's office and it's not done yet, so technically I have two jobs right now. I'm exhausted, but so far all of the necessities in life are getting accomplished, although perhaps not much beyond that at this point.
I'll be back with more stories and updates eventually...just wanted to take a quick break to keep updated!
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Back to work tomorrow
Tomorrow is my first day of subbing this year. The teacher still hasn't had her baby, but I'm scheduled tomorrow and Thursday in different classrooms. I'm excited to be back at it and I'm looking forward to seeing all of those eager little faces, but just thinking about it makes me tired. I want so much to have patience at home...home is where my heart is!
An added element of concern is the fact that I seem to have seriously injured my ankle. The scary thing is that I have absolutely no idea what I've done. Once I walk on it a while, it tends to feel better, but the first few initial steps are painful. Even sitting can be painful, so I really don't know what's going on. Praying that the pain just goes away as mysteriously as it arrived!
An added element of concern is the fact that I seem to have seriously injured my ankle. The scary thing is that I have absolutely no idea what I've done. Once I walk on it a while, it tends to feel better, but the first few initial steps are painful. Even sitting can be painful, so I really don't know what's going on. Praying that the pain just goes away as mysteriously as it arrived!
He's done
Yesterday was the first day that JC and HT had any real homework. I have yet to see JR do any homework, but I'm being assured that is because he's getting it done after school while waiting for my husband to bring him home. That must be true, because nothing is missing in the grade book.
Anyway, before my husband had gone back to work we had purchased some new furniture. It was a new side table for our love seat, and a new desk and stool to go in our living room. We bought them at the unfinished furniture store, and that was largely how they remained....unfinished. It was the next day that my dad went into the hospital and the day after that my husband started back to work and well, life just happened. He worked almost all of Saturday though, and was able to get them done. Sunday afternoon JC had insisted that the desk be brought up and put in its new place. She knew yesterday would be her first day of homework and she wanted a place to work. Previously they had worked at the dining room table, but this desk is all their own, and it will have a laptop which they are allowed to use after we figure out how to block pretty much everything. :) Anyway, JC walked in yesterday and sat right down. She was so pleased to be working on her homework. She didn't even have a snack. She just wanted to work.
And HT? He definitely needed a snack first. Afterward, I reminded him he had homework and he explained that Sissy was using the desk so he would have to wait. I initially thought that he was just excited to use the desk and didn't want to deprive him, so I didn't push it. However, when JC was finished and I told HT it was time to get started, he announced, "I can't wait for homework to be over for the year." Oh boy, I think we are in for a long year!
Anyway, before my husband had gone back to work we had purchased some new furniture. It was a new side table for our love seat, and a new desk and stool to go in our living room. We bought them at the unfinished furniture store, and that was largely how they remained....unfinished. It was the next day that my dad went into the hospital and the day after that my husband started back to work and well, life just happened. He worked almost all of Saturday though, and was able to get them done. Sunday afternoon JC had insisted that the desk be brought up and put in its new place. She knew yesterday would be her first day of homework and she wanted a place to work. Previously they had worked at the dining room table, but this desk is all their own, and it will have a laptop which they are allowed to use after we figure out how to block pretty much everything. :) Anyway, JC walked in yesterday and sat right down. She was so pleased to be working on her homework. She didn't even have a snack. She just wanted to work.
And HT? He definitely needed a snack first. Afterward, I reminded him he had homework and he explained that Sissy was using the desk so he would have to wait. I initially thought that he was just excited to use the desk and didn't want to deprive him, so I didn't push it. However, when JC was finished and I told HT it was time to get started, he announced, "I can't wait for homework to be over for the year." Oh boy, I think we are in for a long year!
JC's new scouting opportunity
We are starting JC's third year in scouts. I've been less than enamored with her scouting experience. They've pretty much done nothing but a few crafts, and on the very rare occasion that they actually went somewhere and did something because we were given such short notice she usually wasn't able to go. I was also particularly displeased with some of the girls in her troop. The girls that the teachers dread having in class? Yep, in her troop. Some of them were downright mean and two of them had even bullied JC two years ago in school. But, she enjoyed being a part of something, and I hated for her to give it up, especially since she's pretty much done with sports, and at her age there just doesn't seem to be much else offered.
Which brings us to last Friday. I was helping out some acquaintances who are in charge of our school's levy campaign. I was mentioning to one that JC doesn't have a lot of friends, but her best friend is Belle and they are absolutely angelic together. Belle happens to be in this woman's girl scout troop, and she asked if JC would like to join them. I was ecstatic! Belle is a year younger so we wanted to make sure that JC was okay being with girls that are all fourth graders. Without hesitation JC said "YES!" Last night was the first meeting. They are planning badges and activities and outings...oh my! JC was so excited when she got home last evening and can't wait to go again in two weeks. I'm so happy for her!!!!
Which brings us to last Friday. I was helping out some acquaintances who are in charge of our school's levy campaign. I was mentioning to one that JC doesn't have a lot of friends, but her best friend is Belle and they are absolutely angelic together. Belle happens to be in this woman's girl scout troop, and she asked if JC would like to join them. I was ecstatic! Belle is a year younger so we wanted to make sure that JC was okay being with girls that are all fourth graders. Without hesitation JC said "YES!" Last night was the first meeting. They are planning badges and activities and outings...oh my! JC was so excited when she got home last evening and can't wait to go again in two weeks. I'm so happy for her!!!!
Monday, September 10, 2012
Fall has arrived
It's really beautiful here. Absolutely gorgeous. Last week was a miserable start to the school year in terms of the weather. Tuesday in particular was rather rainy (HT pointed out he'd had two recesses, one outside and one inside) and the humidity was astronomical. If we dared to turn off the a/c for any period of time, things literally became sticky to touch. A major front came through Friday evening that played havoc with the Friday night football schedule for just about everyone. Once the humidity dropped Saturday morning, it's been wonderful! We've got daytime temps in the low 70's, and nighttime lows in the upper 40's. It's my definition of absolutely perfect weather!
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Remember I mentioned a flat tire?
You might remember in my post from yesterday I mentioned I'd had a flat tire Tuesday. I must say, that was inaccurate. I had a LOW tire on Tuesday which I was able to pump back up and head out on my merry way. Yesterday I had a VERY FLAT tire. There was no way to successfully pump that sucker back up. I discovered it as I was pulling out of the drive way to attend a meeting at the local board of education. I've become involved in a finance committee of sorts and yesterday was another meeting regarding that. Anyway, while it was going to mean booking it, I live plenty close enough to walk, and another committee member was kind enough to see me walking and stopped to pick me up. My husband worked late again yesterday (that would involve my recent post about his contract) and by the time we got home we pretty much had time for dinner and then it was bedtime routine. It was almost dark by the time he and JR went out to work on the tire. Don't we have AAA you ask? Why yes we do! But my husband assured me changing a tire was a piece of cake and there was no need to call an expert.
I got the younger two ready for bed and time kept crawling later. Finally I took the younger two upstairs to say prayers and tuck them in. My husband came in with his all sweaty self and kissed the younger two goodnight. He mentioned it was a much more difficult job than he'd originally thought. I suggested we just leave the flat tire on and inflate it enough to drive the four blocks to our mechanic. Nonsense he insisted! He's already started (yeah, like an hour ago!) and he was going to finish! About 45 minutes later, it's 9:00. He comes in and announces that the jack has broken, but the tire is half on, half off, so we are going to have to call AAA. IRONIC!! Finally, at about 9:30 the expert arrived and not only got the old tire off, but had the spare put on in less than 5 minutes total.
I mentioned to my husband at some point last night that I wasn't optimistic that they were going to be able to get me in for new tires anytime soon. He pointed out our mechanic is AWESOME and we never have a problem. Sure enough, it will be Monday before we can have new tires put on the van. I expected nothing less.
I got the younger two ready for bed and time kept crawling later. Finally I took the younger two upstairs to say prayers and tuck them in. My husband came in with his all sweaty self and kissed the younger two goodnight. He mentioned it was a much more difficult job than he'd originally thought. I suggested we just leave the flat tire on and inflate it enough to drive the four blocks to our mechanic. Nonsense he insisted! He's already started (yeah, like an hour ago!) and he was going to finish! About 45 minutes later, it's 9:00. He comes in and announces that the jack has broken, but the tire is half on, half off, so we are going to have to call AAA. IRONIC!! Finally, at about 9:30 the expert arrived and not only got the old tire off, but had the spare put on in less than 5 minutes total.
I mentioned to my husband at some point last night that I wasn't optimistic that they were going to be able to get me in for new tires anytime soon. He pointed out our mechanic is AWESOME and we never have a problem. Sure enough, it will be Monday before we can have new tires put on the van. I expected nothing less.
Careful what is wished for
I've had quite a lesson regarding being careful what you wish for. For the last week I've been lamenting the end of our summer, and it does make me sad that our carefree days are over. However, it means that my husband (and soon myself) are going back to work. These last couple of days have reminded me that we should be grateful for work and our jobs.
Last evening was a contract vote at my husband's school. There was the very real possibility the vote was going to reject the contract, and strike talk was beginning. My husband has never wanted to strike and certainly didn't want to now, but the contract is pretty abysmal. It still doesn't completely allay our concerns about his job, but right now I know that we'll get through this year. One of the main reasons my husband didn't want to strike was the fact that he was concerned the school would be able to replace the staff and they would all lose their jobs. Right now there are so many unemployed teachers that it was not beyond the realm of possibility. I suddenly felt like our entire future was up for grabs, and it was scary. Suddenly, the prospect of having him home was terrifying, and it reminded me to be grateful for his job...very, very grateful.
Last evening was a contract vote at my husband's school. There was the very real possibility the vote was going to reject the contract, and strike talk was beginning. My husband has never wanted to strike and certainly didn't want to now, but the contract is pretty abysmal. It still doesn't completely allay our concerns about his job, but right now I know that we'll get through this year. One of the main reasons my husband didn't want to strike was the fact that he was concerned the school would be able to replace the staff and they would all lose their jobs. Right now there are so many unemployed teachers that it was not beyond the realm of possibility. I suddenly felt like our entire future was up for grabs, and it was scary. Suddenly, the prospect of having him home was terrifying, and it reminded me to be grateful for his job...very, very grateful.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
It stunk
I've got to be honest folks, yesterday pretty much stunk. It's not a day I'll look back on and wish to repeat. After fighting tears as I walked the kids to school, I got home so I could drive to my dad's office and fight those emotions. Before I could leave though, I discovered I had a flat tire. I was able to locate our air compressor and pump it back up, but it was not what I was in the mood to deal with first thing in the morning.
The kids really enjoyed their days and I was so glad for that. About 4:30 yesterday our good friend Bob called with the crappy news that JR's first fall baseball game this weekend is Sunday (which we knew) at 11:00...total shock since we'd been told to expect 2:00!!!! This really throws our plans for Sunday into a bit of a tailspin as it is also the first Sunday for religious ed classes at church and not only is JR expected to be there my wonderful husband/assistant fall baseball coach is expected to be there. I realize that we can make this work but it will require some "tweaking" of things at church. I attempt to call my husband and some strange woman answers the phone. Bob had mentioned that it seemed as though there was a problem with my husband's phone. I tried both from my landline and from my cell, and every time I called I kept getting someone else. I tried calling the work number, and of course it rang to someone else's classroom. The school office was already closed so I was getting worked up that there was no way to reach my husband. Than I remembered that JR was with him so I called him. He reminded me about my husband's meeting after school so I explained to have him call me the minute he saw him. A little while later I decided to get on a check JR's grades since they have now been in school for two full weeks. The school seems to have lost it's link to progress book, so I had to dig out the paperwork for how to do it. I finally got on and realized that JR has an F and a C-. UGH!!!!! I called JR again and he didn't seem to understand how that could've happened. It turns out that he hasn't been completely classroom work on time and didn't seem to understand that the teacher expected him to finish it on his own time. C'mon son...use that brain between your ears!
We had planned a fun McDonald's dinner with the kids to celebrate their first day yesterday, but by 6:00 I still hadn't heard from hubby. I loaded the kids up and and off we went to the McDonald's drive thru ourselves. I've paid and pulled to the second window when they inform me that there are no chicken nuggets and will I please pull over. No, in fact, I will NOT pull over. It is 6:00...clearly dinner time, and you can't have the foresight to have chicken nuggets ready. NOT MY PROBLEM! I always explain to the people that had they informed me when I paid, I'd have had the choice at that point to either pull over, or to change my order. However, when they do not give my choice, I will not pull over. It took FOREVER to get the nuggets and pretty much added to my already high level of irritation with life at that point. By this time it is now 6:20 and I call JR again...isn't Dad out of the meeting yet? They are in the car, so Dad gets on the phone. I just start crying. Of course my husband thinks I'm overreacting to everything, and it just goes downhill from there.
I tried to sit with my kids and put on a cheerful face at dinner. I had so been dreading the first day of school, but I didn't want it to carry over to them...I wanted them to be excited and happy and look forward to everything about school. And that was why having a fun dinner together as a family was so important to me. My husband didn't seem to understand why that couldn't happen at 7:00. Hello....remember, they've gone back to school! Bed time is at 8:15 right now and it's hot and they are going to need baths. I told him that we had talked about how he was planning to be home by 6. When it became evident that wasn't going to happen (and wasn't even going to be close), he should have excused himself for a minute and made an effort to communicate with me. We went back and forth for an hour once he got home about how I felt and what he thought I should feel, and maybe we got somewhere, maybe we didn't. I love him beyond words, and his lack of communication and inability to plan ahead well is just something I have to take along with all of the many wonderful things about him.
There were so many tears shed yesterday, and to be honest, I feel guilty for every single one of them. I know that they were understandable and I was sad and that it's okay to cry. But I so often feel guilty for what it is that I'm feeling sad about...it's rarely a tragedy or anything major in the grand scheme of life. But it makes me sad and I cry and I feel guilty because it's not major and then I just feel worse about everything because I shouldn't feel so sad and it becomes a vicious circle. I had no idea back to school time could be such an emotional time!
UPDATED: I forgot to mention that after an hour last night spent on the phone with our cell carrier, my husband was yet again able to receive calls. Strangely enough, texts had never been an issue, although I hadn't wanted to try to send one after I realized there was a problem. So all is well in that part of life again! Oh, and no, they couldn't tell him what the problem had been.
The kids really enjoyed their days and I was so glad for that. About 4:30 yesterday our good friend Bob called with the crappy news that JR's first fall baseball game this weekend is Sunday (which we knew) at 11:00...total shock since we'd been told to expect 2:00!!!! This really throws our plans for Sunday into a bit of a tailspin as it is also the first Sunday for religious ed classes at church and not only is JR expected to be there my wonderful husband/assistant fall baseball coach is expected to be there. I realize that we can make this work but it will require some "tweaking" of things at church. I attempt to call my husband and some strange woman answers the phone. Bob had mentioned that it seemed as though there was a problem with my husband's phone. I tried both from my landline and from my cell, and every time I called I kept getting someone else. I tried calling the work number, and of course it rang to someone else's classroom. The school office was already closed so I was getting worked up that there was no way to reach my husband. Than I remembered that JR was with him so I called him. He reminded me about my husband's meeting after school so I explained to have him call me the minute he saw him. A little while later I decided to get on a check JR's grades since they have now been in school for two full weeks. The school seems to have lost it's link to progress book, so I had to dig out the paperwork for how to do it. I finally got on and realized that JR has an F and a C-. UGH!!!!! I called JR again and he didn't seem to understand how that could've happened. It turns out that he hasn't been completely classroom work on time and didn't seem to understand that the teacher expected him to finish it on his own time. C'mon son...use that brain between your ears!
We had planned a fun McDonald's dinner with the kids to celebrate their first day yesterday, but by 6:00 I still hadn't heard from hubby. I loaded the kids up and and off we went to the McDonald's drive thru ourselves. I've paid and pulled to the second window when they inform me that there are no chicken nuggets and will I please pull over. No, in fact, I will NOT pull over. It is 6:00...clearly dinner time, and you can't have the foresight to have chicken nuggets ready. NOT MY PROBLEM! I always explain to the people that had they informed me when I paid, I'd have had the choice at that point to either pull over, or to change my order. However, when they do not give my choice, I will not pull over. It took FOREVER to get the nuggets and pretty much added to my already high level of irritation with life at that point. By this time it is now 6:20 and I call JR again...isn't Dad out of the meeting yet? They are in the car, so Dad gets on the phone. I just start crying. Of course my husband thinks I'm overreacting to everything, and it just goes downhill from there.
I tried to sit with my kids and put on a cheerful face at dinner. I had so been dreading the first day of school, but I didn't want it to carry over to them...I wanted them to be excited and happy and look forward to everything about school. And that was why having a fun dinner together as a family was so important to me. My husband didn't seem to understand why that couldn't happen at 7:00. Hello....remember, they've gone back to school! Bed time is at 8:15 right now and it's hot and they are going to need baths. I told him that we had talked about how he was planning to be home by 6. When it became evident that wasn't going to happen (and wasn't even going to be close), he should have excused himself for a minute and made an effort to communicate with me. We went back and forth for an hour once he got home about how I felt and what he thought I should feel, and maybe we got somewhere, maybe we didn't. I love him beyond words, and his lack of communication and inability to plan ahead well is just something I have to take along with all of the many wonderful things about him.
There were so many tears shed yesterday, and to be honest, I feel guilty for every single one of them. I know that they were understandable and I was sad and that it's okay to cry. But I so often feel guilty for what it is that I'm feeling sad about...it's rarely a tragedy or anything major in the grand scheme of life. But it makes me sad and I cry and I feel guilty because it's not major and then I just feel worse about everything because I shouldn't feel so sad and it becomes a vicious circle. I had no idea back to school time could be such an emotional time!
UPDATED: I forgot to mention that after an hour last night spent on the phone with our cell carrier, my husband was yet again able to receive calls. Strangely enough, texts had never been an issue, although I hadn't wanted to try to send one after I realized there was a problem. So all is well in that part of life again! Oh, and no, they couldn't tell him what the problem had been.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Third year in a row
You might remember last year, when we had a little mishap the first day of school. The year before that, HT also had a trip to urgent care that in spite of an initial diagnosis of "sprain" was actually a broken thumb. This year, for the third year in a row, we've had a child in urgent care within 24 hours of school beginning. Last week, JC had fallen off HT's skateboard. She mentioned that her foot hurt, but was back outside and running just minutes later. I really gave it no more thought until Saturday, when she mentioned to us again that it hurt. At that point we noticed it was a bit swollen, but it had been less than 48 hours so we decided to see what happened. By last evening, she was talking about how it hurt just standing in the shower. Because she has a really high pain tolerance, I was concerned that there was something truly seriously wrong that it still hurt four days later. JC and my husband were off to urgent care again last evening. Fortunately there is no fracture (assuming they've read the xray correctly!) and they are thinking it has more to do with her tendons or ligaments. She's not to do gym or any phys ed activities for this week and hopefully she'll be good as new very soon!
I shed a few tears
I must be crazy. I actually shed a few tears this morning as my kids went off to school. We all know that I'm sad about the summer ending because I love our carefree summers. It was a rather blah and overcast morning and that didn't help. I think though, it had lots to do with JR. I know that he is in school and has been for two weeks. I know that he absolutely loves his new school and things are going well...he's happy. But for some reason, the fact that he wasn't here and part of our first day hit my like a load of bricks and I just got so sad. I think in part because I can not deny how quickly my kids are growing, and how few "first days" we really have left. I feel like I don't really have a part of his new school experience, and while I know he's probably old enough to have his own experiences, it still makes me a little sad.
It also didn't help that I went up and helped my dad clean his office at work. It was really just a "it needs a good cleaning" but the giant elephant in the room was the fact that we were getting things organized for the day that he can no longer work...he didn't want to leave a big mess for everyone else. I get the reality of it, but it just pretty much stinks. While I've known the reality of my father's prognosis, I didn't see it. He was stable and nothing was changing so there was nothing to worry about. This latest bout though has taken quite a toll. All we can hope for at this point is a new plateau, and I understand it isn't going to be what the last plateau was.
All in all, it was a pretty emotional day. The lady for whom I'm doing the long term subbing isn't due for two weeks, and I'm very hopeful she'll at least be able to get through this week. I'm grateful for a few days of quiet (so I can get a grip on my emotions!) before we add even more craziness to the mix!
It also didn't help that I went up and helped my dad clean his office at work. It was really just a "it needs a good cleaning" but the giant elephant in the room was the fact that we were getting things organized for the day that he can no longer work...he didn't want to leave a big mess for everyone else. I get the reality of it, but it just pretty much stinks. While I've known the reality of my father's prognosis, I didn't see it. He was stable and nothing was changing so there was nothing to worry about. This latest bout though has taken quite a toll. All we can hope for at this point is a new plateau, and I understand it isn't going to be what the last plateau was.
All in all, it was a pretty emotional day. The lady for whom I'm doing the long term subbing isn't due for two weeks, and I'm very hopeful she'll at least be able to get through this week. I'm grateful for a few days of quiet (so I can get a grip on my emotions!) before we add even more craziness to the mix!
Monday, September 3, 2012
Just can't get into it
I feel so very selfish for lamenting the end of the summer. I am SO GRATEFUL for the wonderful summers that we have. There truly aren't many families as blessed as ours. We get to spend our summers making amazing memories together and we have just enough fun money to be able to do these things. Our summers are so special and carefree. I know that the kids need to learn and need a routine, and I'm not the person to be able to do it day in and day out. Today is a rainy day and it pretty much matches my mood. I'm hopeful we can enjoy some games of dominoes and just hang out since it's out last day of absolutely no plans!!!!
Saturday, September 1, 2012
I have to accept it
Since today is September 1, I have to accept it...school is starting soon. I know that JR and my husband have been at it for weeks (literally), but I was hanging on to the end of summer as much as I could. I had really grand plans for his past week that of course never materialized but I think overall we had a good week. I know with absolute certainty that the kids are ready to go back, but I truly don't like the thought of not spending all day with them. Of course, if I had written yesterday I would be singing a different tune as they were absolutely driving me crazy. I'm looking forward to fall, and of course I'm loving the return of football, but I'm just not ready for the craziness of the school schedule. I'm really confident though, that everyone is going to have a great year!
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