I must be crazy. I actually shed a few tears this morning as my kids went off to school. We all know that I'm sad about the summer ending because I love our carefree summers. It was a rather blah and overcast morning and that didn't help. I think though, it had lots to do with JR. I know that he is in school and has been for two weeks. I know that he absolutely loves his new school and things are going well...he's happy. But for some reason, the fact that he wasn't here and part of our first day hit my like a load of bricks and I just got so sad. I think in part because I can not deny how quickly my kids are growing, and how few "first days" we really have left. I feel like I don't really have a part of his new school experience, and while I know he's probably old enough to have his own experiences, it still makes me a little sad.
It also didn't help that I went up and helped my dad clean his office at work. It was really just a "it needs a good cleaning" but the giant elephant in the room was the fact that we were getting things organized for the day that he can no longer work...he didn't want to leave a big mess for everyone else. I get the reality of it, but it just pretty much stinks. While I've known the reality of my father's prognosis, I didn't see it. He was stable and nothing was changing so there was nothing to worry about. This latest bout though has taken quite a toll. All we can hope for at this point is a new plateau, and I understand it isn't going to be what the last plateau was.
All in all, it was a pretty emotional day. The lady for whom I'm doing the long term subbing isn't due for two weeks, and I'm very hopeful she'll at least be able to get through this week. I'm grateful for a few days of quiet (so I can get a grip on my emotions!) before we add even more craziness to the mix!
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