The Budget

"The Budget"...two words that can send some people into absolute panic.  Being an accountant in my former life, we have more spreadsheets than many small companies...it's just what I do.

I have been loving being off this school year.  I am finding that I am so much more relaxed and enjoy time spent with my family so much more.  And yet at the same time, I feel completely selfish and guilty.  Even though I am by no means sitting around eating bon-bons and taking daily naps, I feel selfish and guilty that I am not contributing to our family income in any way, and that I am not contributing to society at all.

Some would argue with that last statement.  After all, I am parenting my children, who all seem to (currently) be on track to be productive members of society so that's a good thing.  But we can't argue with the income part.  By no means are we going broke...far from it.  Our needs are easily met by Andrew's income, and even a few "wants" are covered...but only a few.  I don't mind cutting things out, but we are not a family that lives with a lot of extras to begin with, and I don't want my kids to miss out on things.  For example, I know of families who won't send their kids on school trips or allow them to participate in marching bands and sports because of the cost.  There is absolutely no reason my children can't do these things, but wow, are they pricey!

I also want to be able to take trips and make memories with the kids.  I know that life isn't all about money, but it does help at times to make things easier.  I know that it isn't just me who enjoys the fact that I am home.  The kids are enjoying it as well.  I am sure I am a little more fun, and they don't have to worry as much about after school activities because I am pretty much always available.  My husband enjoys the fact that because our house is picked up (and less cluttererd) and I am calmer, he feels calmer.  I recognize there are benefits.

The Budget though...it has something to say about all of this as well.  Simply put, while we might be able to really stretch things and keep me at home for another year or so, I am not willing to risk that.  I prefer to see my savings increase each month, and I also know that there are many things we want to do to our new home.  Subbing has been an absolutely perfect solution for the past three years, but my feelings about it are changing.  I can honestly feel dread about the thought of going back to that, and there are several reasons (and of course, they all feel completely selfish to me).  I would love, absolutely love to be able to find either a job that allows me to somehow work from home, or a job that would allow me to work only about two days a week (and still be able to get Thomas on the bus at 8:30 each morning).  I realize that the chances of finding an absolutely perfect scenario are pretty darn slim, but I've been doing a lot of praying lately that I am led to make the right choice for our family!