The end of March

March always feels like such a long month.  I think it's partly due to the fact that February is such a short one, and I also think it's because true spring weather (and often times spring break) is coming in April.  Normally I look forward to the end of March and beginning of April for those very reasons.  This year though...wow this year is going to be super emotional I think.

Starting today...today would've been my parents' wedding anniversary.  They were never particularly big on celebrating the day, but I always tried to make it special.  We had a really big party for them on their 25th, and then we did a card shower on their 35th which my mom especially enjoyed.  Last year we were going to do something big to celebrate their 40th, but Dad declined rapidly before anything could be planned.

At the end of the month, my mom will celebrate her birthday...her first without my dad.  And then just three days later, we will remember what would've been Dad's 60th.  Those are going to be some rougher-than-normal days.  It doesn't help that the day after Dad's birthday will be the one-year anniversary of losing our cat Piper.  We will also stop to remember Grace and the amazing person that she was as her birthday would've been next week as well.

And hanging over all of this is my mom's cancer diagnosis.  My mom had cancer over 12 years ago.  It was of the thyroid, and for whatever reason, never once did I consider anything but that she was going to be just fine.  I remember calling a friend of Mom's to let her know the tumor had been malignant, and being surprised at how upset she was...I was absolutely convinced Mom would be fine.  This time is different though.  The cancer is completely unrelated to the thyroid cancer.  The fact that it can't be surgically removed is a concern, although her doctor is extremely optimistic, and I know they don't like to get up false hopes.  Secondly, there is the fact that we've all just kind of been emotionally spent in the last year.  Add to the fact that she is my last remaining parent, and not only is that a terrifying prospect, but it means that the caregiving is going to fall on us...although mostly on me.  My sister has a full time job, and as a single person is her only source of income.  I'm not currently working, and although I'm further away and have three kids, I have flexibility.  There is family in town who will help with the kids and we'll get through.  I just truly hate the thought of my mom suffering, but I completely appreciate her positive and upbeat attitude right now!