Last week, when my new curtains arrived, I literally felt as though I could walk on air...that's how excited I was about them. It was a well known fact that I hated the previous ones. As I was getting ready to go to bed that evening, I thanked Andrew for my curtains...after all he is the only one earning money in our family and I had just spent some of it on these curtains. He looked puzzled and asked me why I was thanking him. Before I could answer he said, "You aren't feeling guilty about being home, are you?" As I explained that I feel guilty literally every day for being home, my eyes began to fill with tears...because I very literally do feel guilty every day. Andrew's tone became very stern as he told me that there was absolutely no reason to feel guilty. He even explained how grateful he was that because I am home, he doesn't have to worry about cooking very often, and he doesn't have to spend his evenings cleaning the house or running errands...these are things I take care of during the day. I was very, very grateful to hear him be so firm that this is what we BOTH want...not just a luxury for me.
We've also talked about how much things that have happened with the kids would've been worse if I hadn't been here...the choices were poor, they could've been much worse if I hadn't been here when they get off the bus. With all of this in mind, we've decided that while I will renew my sub license and begin subbing again in the fall, I will allow myself to be rather selective about the jobs I take. I'm shooting for only working about two days a week. It will be enough to help with some of the extras, especially involving the kids' activities, but it will still, for the most part, allow us to have down time and enjoy our evenings...at least when we aren't running kids here and there!
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