Not how I expected to react

Yesterday I had to run some errands and one of my stops was at Thomas's school.  I needed to update some information and also to try to figure out how the lunch account system works.  I'll be honest, it truly does bother me that I don't yet understand how everything works when it comes to the kids' schools.  I'm not a hover parent by any stretch of the imagination, but I do like to have a clue!  Anyway, the secretary mentioned I could go ahead and take my check down to the lunch room (of course I had to ask how to get there) and I was absolutely thrilled to walk in and there was my little guy.  We were both surprised, and I walked over to say hello.  He introduced me to some of his new friends at the table, and then I took care of the money part.  I said good bye on my way out with another high five and I walked down the hall...where I then began to cry.

And I couldn't stop crying.  It was a somewhat selfish thought process.  I walk into that school and I'm absolutely no one.  I still have to show my ID and explain who I am.  With the exception of very, very few, no one there knows me.  Yesterday I literally ached for what I had left behind...a job that I absolutely loved where I was respected.  Last year I could pretty much tell you exactly where Catherine and Thomas were at any time during the day...I knew almost exactly how it all worked.  I miss the people with whom I worked and those adorable kids...even the ones that drove me crazy!  Andrew keeps reminding me that I'll probably be back at work after the first of the year, but I also know it isn't going to be the same.  I'm not saying it can't still be as good, but it's not going to be the same.  In all of the chaos of the month of August, I realize that I didn't really have time to grieve what I would be giving up, and "grieving" is not too strong of a word.  As I've said all along, this is still a wonderful decision for our family, and while I expected there would be tough days, I don't think Andrew completely realized how hard this would be for me or what I was giving up personally.  I have no regrets about our decision, but some days are just tougher than others.  I didn't expect something as simple as paying into a lunch account to set off set a flurry of tears, but I guess that is one of the things about grief.  You never know what's going to set it off!