Living in this moment

One of the things I have been trying very hard to do is to be living, to be present, in each moment.  I am trying to remember that I will never again get that particular moment back.  I am trying to not dwell in the past and dread the future, or to look too forward to the future and ignore the present.  The last year has taught me that no matter how blessed the past has been, the future is no guarantee.  It has also taught me that no matter how rough things might seem at the moment, there is almost always something for which to be grateful.

It is because of this that I have so very desperately wanted to be home this year.  I know that subbing is great part-time job because I never have to worry about Thomas and getting a sitter for him.  But there was still that morning last week I couldn't have sat with him while he tried to pull himself together after being scolded, and we wouldn't have had this morning.

I got Thomas on the bus, and usually he is so busy chatting with his buddy Elliott that he never thinks twice about me standing there.  This morning though, Elliott wasn't on the bus, and Thomas kept twisting and turning in his seat as the bus drove away to keep waving me.  I watched that little hand wave and wave and wave until he was out of sight...and then I walked back to the house crying like a fool.  Now before anyone goes to call the "little white jacket people", I'm fine.  My heart was just so full of love and gratitude that I thought it might just burst.  I am so amazingly grateful that I get to be the mother of these three amazing children, and the wife to my incredible husband.  I am so grateful that I got to experience that moment, where my little guy didn't want to stop waving to me either, until his bus was out of sight.  I want that snapshot of a memory to remain forever because there will come a day when, while I will always be their mother, I will not be needing to parent 24/7.  They will have their own children and will be parenting their own little ones.

So I am planning to soak up all of the these little moments while I can.