Sometimes it just needs to be something else

Thomas spent all weekend working on a poster for his English class.  I was so impressed with all his work and he did a great job.  He carried it around with him yesterday, and I actually had him for class right after his English class.  I asked why he hadn't turned it in, and he said he had to write some paragraphs as a reflection.  I knew the deadline was drawing near, so last evening I asked him to sit and write the paragraphs so everything would be done.  He did so, and to the best of my knowledge, it is done!

I also asked if he was turning the poster in with the paragraphs.  He said he was not.  He hadn't understood the directions at first, and the poster wasn't part of the assignment.  I asked what he did with the poster, and he said he just threw it away.  I told him how much I had enjoyed the work he had done on the poster and that i was so pleased with it.  I was sorry he had thrown it away.

And then I began to quietly cry.  I am not upset with the teacher at all.  I am certain she was not mean or derisive when telling Thomas he needed to do the paragraphs instead.  I am equally certain this had been discussed before, and Thomas hadn't bothered to make sure he completely understood the assignment.  I am also equally certain that this entire situation hurt him, and in some ways just reaffirmed his feeling that school isn't for him.  I can only imagine how it felt to spend hours upon hours creating something, that in the end had no worth.  I think it did because it is something he created, but that isn't going to help the grade.

It was really en eye opening experience for me about how Thomas has to navigate through school.  Ever since pre-school he has been super creative and wanted to do things his way.  I have always attempted to guide Thomas's creativity to fit inside the expectations of the school assignments because that is part of life.  Life has suggestions, guidelines, and even RULES.  Thomas has to figure out how to navigate this part of life.  And yet, it has also made me realize that Thomas deals with something like this.  Every. Single. Day.  It isn't that he doesn't want to do the work, or that he wants to do it incorrectly.  His brain just thinks completely differently from many people, and his brain doesn't fit in the confines of school on many days.  It made me realize that school is such a struggle for him, and it broke my heart.  In fact, I'm about to cry sitting here writing about it.  I can't stand the thought of the day when my sweet kiddos are no longer around every day and are on their own.  At the same time, I know that Thomas will probably be grateful when the struggle of school is behind him.