The end of 2024

I'll be honest, I had high hopes for the year 2024.  Overall, I'm going to have to say it was not one of my favorites.  It was a really hard year with my kids.  Some of it was certainly of their own doing, and some of it is the fact that they are struggling to adult in a world that isn't really set up for young adults to adult effectively.  They are learning, and I am grateful that we are able to help as we can.  We'll miss Lincoln and we'll definitely miss Abby from this year, but overall we are healthy as we head into 2025.

This year has flown by faster than I thought was possible.  I know I wait all year for the holidays, but they will be here again before I know it.  These holidays felt like I blinked and they were done, but I know even though it's another year to go, they are just around the corner.

I've been sick for several days so we are staying home this evening.  I regret not getting able to hang out with our friends, but I'm completely okay ringing in a quiet New Year with just Andrew (and Maudie, our only remaining cat).  For today and tomorrow, I'm completely okay with just vegging on the couch and enjoying football.  And we don't go back to work until next week!

I didn't take any of this Christmas for granted

This has been a really nice Christmas, and I don't take that for granted.  My heart was so full last night as I went to bed, and both Thomas and Catherine were sleeping here.   I loved it when T told me that Thomas really wanted to wake up here on Christmas morning.  It was so sweet.  We had a lovely morning exchanging gifts and getting ready before heading to my mom's this afternoon.  My sister and mom and a family friend joined us for lunch and then we all exchanged gifts.  By this time, I was fading as I've had a cold for a couple of days but had continued pushing through.  We gathered our things and headed home.

Yesterday was an even better day.  I went with our dear friend to pick up her oldest from the airport.  We went back to their house and joined our families together for a wonderful dinner.  I loved having all of kids together and I especially loved that the significant others have joined.  The food was good, but the company was even better.

It's been a truly wonderful couple of days filled with many people I love, and I don't take that for granted!

We are healthy

It seems as though a new vehicle may be in my future.  I can't even write about this situation right now as it is too frustrating.  This morning though, Andrew and I went out to start the vehicle and it wouldn't start.  A vehicle is not in the budget right now as it has been a very expensive year.

I won't lie, there have been a lot of times this year when I've felt sorry for myself and almost felt like our family is being punished.  It's been a hard year, and I've worked really, really hard at trying to keep things in perspective, especially here at Christmas.

However, this week has been a stark reminder that our family is healthy, and that is what really matters.  I know that, of course, but sometimes, when finances smack you in the face, it can be hard to remember.  This year though, so many others can't say the same about their family's health.  At the beginning of the calendar year, a student at my school lost her mom to cancer.  We had two other families deal with a cancer diagnosis of their mom.  A young woman whom I've known her entire life (she is younger and I remember when she was born) just found out this month that her husband has a very aggressive cancer, and the prognosis isn't good.  He might have another two years here, and their children are very, very young.  A schoolmate of mine reported this week that her 21-year-old son who was diagnosed with leukemia earlier this year has been told there isn't anything left to do, and it was recommended that palliative care be called in.  They have found a trial in Chicago, but the reality is that Jordan needs a Christmas miracle.  While I firmly believe that is possible, I understand the horror and fear Karie and her family are facing.  Karie's family has already faced a horrible tragedy nearly 30 years ago, and it breaks my heart that they have to go through another one again.

So yes, my family is healthy and I'm eternally grateful.  It will be okay.  We will figure things out.  And we have an amazing (and healthy) family to walk it with us!

Break has arrived

I am officially on break!  I don't go back until January 6, and this is just a great feeling.  I'm the only one home this morning and I have my candle lit, the trees are on, and the TV fireplace is playing Christmas tunes.  It's a perfect morning, or at least it would be if I didn't have a bit of a migraine.

I am leaving in a few hours to go get my MIL.  I'll spend a bit of time finishing the house before I leave.  I'm so grateful for this break and the family with whom I get to spend the holidays! 

A great weekend for getting in the holiday spirit

This weekend has been wonderful.  It's been a fabulous way to get into the holiday spirit.  I only work three days this week, and I'm ready to get them over with and enjoy 18 days off.  I'll have things to do and some payroll to run, but it'll be greate to have some down time.

It started Friday.  Andrew and I decided to meet at a local restaurant that always has really festive holiday cocktails.  We decided to go ahead and have some dinner as well.  We came home and watched an "okay" Christmas movie.  I was in bed early and happy to sleep.

Yesterday I woke up early and couldn't sleep.  Andrew had to work at a basketball game during the day.  Once Andrew arrived home, we made the trip north and our first stop was to see my grandmother.  We took her a swag for her door, and it was lovely to visit with her for a bit.  Then we had an absolutely wonderful family Christmas at my cousin Mindy's house.  There were about 27 of us there all together, and that included two-year-old Reid, who was just adorable.  Thomas and his girlfriend brought her niece, and it was a blast to have her as well.  It was such a fun evening.

Today we had lunch and met some friends half way at one of our favorite restaurants.  We hadn't seen them since March.  It's a chilly and very wet day, but now that we are home the Steelers game is on and it's a lovely evening.

I'm so very grateful for this weekend.  It's really helped to get me into the spirit of the holidays!

It's my favorite thing about our church

This evening we handed over the gifts for the Giving Tree that we do at our church each year.  Over the years, this has become "my thing".  I am the one that gets the information from the school, creates the gift list, and gets the gifts to the school social worker.  Our church has members that are becoming much older each year, and many of them wish to simply give a financial donation.  That means I am also the one that does the shopping for those gifts and wraps them as well, then gets everything sorted and handled.  I love it!  It is my absolute favorite thing we do at our church each year.  I am so grateful that our church is so supportive and generous with this activity.  This year we were able to provide 61 gifts to two families that included a total of seven children.  It is such a blessing!

An unexpectedly lovely Wednesday evening

We've made it over the hump of the week.  And the best part is that there are only five more working days remaining in the calendar year for me!  Yay!!!

Wednesday is the day we get out of school early, and I only had one quick errand to run before coming home.  Unfortunately, Andrew has to work at a basketball game this evening, but Catherine is here with me.  I was able to finish up the gifts for the church Giving Tree and accomplish a few other things.  The trees are lit, the balsam candle is lit, it's snowing outside, and we put the fireplace with Christmas music on TV.  Catherine was making a dessert for her school carry-in potluck meal.  I had to smile as it reminded me of so many memories of past holiday seasons.  Catherine even mentioned that she wished Thomas was here.  At first she mentioned it was because he was a big help with her dessert, but then later she admitted she enjoys having him around.

Two weeks until Christmas.  Looking forward to down time and hopefully a good amount of family time!

Sixteen years of blogging

It's my blogversary!  Sixteen years of recording memories here on the blog!  I'm so grateful I started this sixteen years ago, and I'm so grateful for the memories recorded here.  I can't really think of a better way to have recorded my kids' childhoods.

We are well into the holiday season.  Today was one of those days when I began to wonder if I'm going to find time to sleep at all between now and Christmas.  In addition to my jobs, this is the busy time with the church job with it being the end of the year.  I'm also in charge of the Giving Tree at church, which I love!  This year, though, most of the gifts are being purchased by financial donations to the church rather than members doing shopping.  It is truly, truly a privilege to be able to provide Christmas for two families including seven children.  It brings me great joy.  I think almost everything is purchased, now I just need to get everything wrapped.  I love seeing the stacks of gifts pile up!

We had lunch with our good friends today.  We haven't been able to get together since August, and we didn't want to wait until Christmas Eve for our next visit.  Friday evening was a gathering with some of Andrew's colleagues.  It's the most wonderful time of the year!

December has arrived again

As Thanksgiving week comes to an end, December has already arrived.  My shopping is almost entirely finished, so I really get to relax and enjoy this month.  I only have 13 official working days this month!  Granted, I'll have things that have to still be done while we are off for the holidays, but that is done on my schedule.  I'm looking forward to doing things...all things Christmas!

Our family has started watching the corny Christmas movies, and we absolutely love them!  I especially love sharing them with Catherine and my mother-in-law also really enjoys them, and I'm looking forward to her being back in a few weeks.  I'm enjoying looking at various Christmas crafts, and I'm hoping to create a few over the next several weeks.

The only downside to Thanksgiving weekend is that it brings the end of the college football season.  Those Saturdays in the fall are my absolute favorite days of the entire year!  I can't even begin to explain what happened yesterday to our Buckeyes.  It was just crazy.  Still plenty of good games to watch in the next couple of weeks!

Happy December!  May it be full of jolliness and lots of merry moments!

Thanksgiving 2024

We spent the quietest Thanksgiving EVER on Thursday.  Andrew made us omelets for breakfast with hash browns, and dinner consisted of sausage.  I worked on Christmas cards, and we watched lots of football. We finished the day with some episodes of our favorite show, and some Thanksgiving episodes of Friends.  It was a pleasant day.

Andrew took his mom back yesterday, and a neighbor was kind enough to meet them part way so he was able to be home last night.  Catherine has decided to be here all weekend, so we had some potato soup and watched some Christmas movies.  I'll be honest, my heart hurt a bit last night evening as I was missing our pup, and also missing Thomas as well.  This is what we strive for, that our kids are on their own, but there are plenty of moments when I miss the little people.

Today is the big college football rivalry game, and this year the Buckeyes should be in good shape.  We still have all day today and tomorrow to enjoy our Thanksgiving weekend and look forward to the holidays!

Making memories

Here we are, at the day before Thanksgiving, and I am looking at my nicely decorated Christmas tree.  I have ALWAYS refused to decorate before Thanksgiving, but since we ate on Sunday, and especially since Thanksgiving is so late this year, bring it on!

It actually happened in an unplanned way.  I was working on getting the trees up for planned decorating this evening.  Thomas texted as he was off work early and they were actually in the area in early afternoon.  I was happy to accept extra help in getting the trees put together and with lights, and Andrew was happy to have some help with the outside lights.  Everyone worked all afternoon, and after a quick break of pizza for dinner, the trees were all decorated by 7:30 last evening.  Thomas's fiance specifically mentioned how much she had enjoyed helping and sharing in this tradition.  The tree is full of so very many memories.  Andrew became a bit emotional as there are so many ornaments for our sweet pup.  She was included every year.   Thomas wanted to take some of his favorite ornaments with him.  It was fine, but I insisted on taking pictures! We laughed, but those memories are important to me as well.  In fact, apparently he was complaining to his fiance (let's call her Lynn, going forward) that the tree at their apartment only had "generic" ornaments on it.  I'm grateful these traditions and memories mean as much to them as they do to me.

Thanksgiving week 2024

Starting last year, the public school district and my little school decided to be off the entire week of Thanksgiving.  This, my friends, is brilliant.  I am all for celebrating the holidays in an extended manner!

It also made our decision to switch things up a bit even easier.  Thomas loves his in-law-to-be family, and they adore him.  I knew he would want to spend as much time as possible with them on Thanksgiving, and I didn't want our meal to feel rushed.  Since it is so few of us, I decided that we could do Thanksgiving yesterday, and we all agreed we loved it that way.  Andrew and his mom made a lovely meal, and it was a wonderful afternoon.

I don't deny, it is a bit different when your own kids have to come "home" for the holidays.  I really wanted to make sure we were able to decorate the tree together, and that was another reason for moving Thanksgiving up a few days.  I refuse to eat Thanksgiving in a home already decorated for Christmas, so in order to make it all happen given Thomas's work restraints, this was the best plan.  And with Thanksgiving being so late this year, it really feels as though it is extending the Christmas holiday!  I'll be honest though, I kind of forget that others are still getting ready for Thanksgiving.

We have a few plans this week, but we also have lots of time to relax and to decorate.  Life is full of so many blessings, and I'm so very grateful!

A weekend in the middle of November

A week from today we will have celebrated our Thanksgiving.  We are doing it early for a variety of reasons, and we are thrilled about it.  We still have a week of work though.

Andrew is at his mom's this weekend.  He had tickets to the Steelers game, and WOW!  What a game to get to see!  It was a huge victory over the Ravens.  A friend of his flew in from LA to go to the game with him.  He'll be back tomorrow, and he is bringing his mom with him for eleven days.  I'm so thrilled to have her here!

Thomas spent a lot of time here this weekend, and it was wonderful and different all at the same time.  It was wonderful in that he was here for about seven hours today.  With him living with his girlfriend, I had wondered if I'd ever have time with just him again.  I loved having him here.  At the same time, it was different.  He admitted it felt a little strange that he doesn't have a room here anymore where he can hang out.  I've assured him he is always welcome to be here anytime at all that he wants to be, and he can sleep here if he wants.

It feels so strange to be heading into the end of the year.  It really doesn't feel like it's been that long since we did Thanksgiving and Christmas last year.  I can't say that I'll say 2024 has been my favorite year, but I'm grateful to be here and living it.

Today marks eleven years without my dad

Eleven years ago, right about now and also on a Thursday, I found out my dad had passed away.  I'm so grateful my kids got to know him and make so many memories with him.  I'm also very grateful he wasn't here with us to experience all the painful things we've experienced through parenting.  I'll miss Dad forever, but I'm thankful my faith tells me I get to see him again.

A day off by myself

Today is a teacher work day at my school, and I am thrilled to be off work.  During the school year, it is really challenging to take off days "just because" (or as I like to think of them, mental health days), but when the students aren't there it is much easier!  I asked for this a month ago, right after the week from hell when I was the only admin working most of the week and we had teachers out left and right.  In other words, when they didn't dare tell me I couldn't! 😂

Yesterday I finished painting Thomas's room.  It's the exact same colors, but we joke that his room was a toxic haz mat dump and everything needed refreshing.  I always channel my dad when I'm painting, because we were the painters in the family.  I also found my self spending the day listening to 90's country music, and that was quite a trip down memory lane!

I'm so very acutely feeling the passage of time lately.  The upcoming holidays have me feeling incredibly reflective this year, and a bit melancholy, and I'm just not sure where the time has gone.  I'm so very grateful for this afternoon where I can spend some quiet time with my thoughts.  A lot of those thoughts also involve our sweet pup whom we miss so much.  Those are sad thoughts as well, but there is so, so much to be grateful for, and this is the month to remember that!

An afternoon in my hometown

I made a trip to my hometown today.  I stopped to see my grandmother for just a few minutes.  She wasn't having a great day, but I'm glad I was able to see her.  I then met my friend, Heather, for lunch.  It was a quick lunch, and a nice visit.  I then did some shopping at the local stores, and I was able to see another high school friend who owns some of the businesses.  And lastly, I ran into my cousin.  It was a fairly quick trip, but a very nice trip.

Upon getting home, I began painting (what was) Thomas's bedroom.  My mother-in-law arrives in nine days and she needs to sleep in there.  Painting always causes me to channel my dad, and we are only give days until the anniversary of his passing.  I was also listening to a 90's Country channel, and lots of memories came flooding in with those songs as well.

I'm so grateful for this weekend.  And I'm especially grateful that I am taking Monday off work and get an even longer weekend! 

It was a busy weekend but a lot fun

This past weekend I didn't get to watch much football, and I'm okay with that.  We did get to see OSU knock off Penn St, and that was fun.  Saturday evening we drove to my hometown to celebrate my cousin's 60th birthday.  It was a surprise for her, and in addition to friends, there were 16 family members there.  I'm also friends with the owners of the bar, and they came over to see us as well.  We were home by 10, and then we gained an hour overnight.  My kind of night!

Saturday was Remembrance Sunday at church, and I just couldn't stand the thought of dealing with all of my emotions and sitting there.  We had lunch plans with very dear friends and then we had dinner plans with Thomas and his girlfriend.  For various reasons, it was the third trip I'd made that week to his apartment.  Andrew and I both agreed as we were driving around the Dayton area, that we really missed being there.  We love our house and our yard, but miss that area.  

I only have twelve more working days until a week off for Thanksgiving, and I'm really looking forward to that!

It's safe to say it wasn't my favorite October

Without a doubt, this will NOT go down as my favorite October.  Losing Lincoln at the beginning of the month was hard, but losing Abby two weeks ago was awful.  The other night, Andrew and I had to make an unexpected trip to Thomas's place, and it was Midnight before we got home.  As we pulled in, I thought about how happy Abby was going to be to see us, then I remembered the reality and I began to weep.  I explained to Andrew how I had forgotten, just for a second, that she was gone, and it hurt so deeply again.  She was just the best dog.

Anyway, between this and some drama in our kids' lives, I'm hoping November is a better month.  I'm trying so hard to remember it can always be worse and to hold on to peaceful thoughts as much as I can!

It was a lovely birthday afternoon

My birthday rolled around again today.  I miss my grandmother's email as she no longer gets on to her computer.  I'm not entirely certain she even realizes it is my birthday, which is a bit sad as well, and I know she would hate that.  I don't really know when (or at this point, if) I will get to celebrate with the kids.  Thomas wants to do something on a Sunday evening, and Catherine works all Sunday evenings, so I'm not sure how that will work out.  But, I had a really lovely day, none-the-less.  Andrew and I went to church this morning, then I asked if he wanted to go the "candle store" with me.  There is this store in Indiana that is just a fun place to visit this time of year.  I try to visit each year, but I don't think I made it over last year.  I didn't realize Andrew had never been there with me.  The drive over was absolutely gorgeous as it was a beautiful weather day (definitely on the cooler side) and very sunny, making the leaves and trees even more stunning.  Andrew agreed that it was a fun store, and we really enjoyed the store and the drive.  We ordered some food to be delivered this evening, and I've appreciated the end of my 51st year in this life.  And I'm so grateful it is a life full of so many blessings.

It's all so different

Andrew and I have commented on how everything just feels so different.  It's so different when we get home each day and Abby isn't at our door to greet us with her loving squeals and wagging tail.  It's so different that on Tuesday we were able to run and grab some dinner after work without having to worry about getting home to let her out.  It's so different that there is no animal howling at us around 5:00 each day (and again at 8 for a snack) because it's dinner time.  Even without Abby, Lincoln was the one that started howling first, but he's gone too.  It just really sucks.  I was looking at a picture of her today, and the tears began to flow.  I didn't mean for them too, but she just didn't feel old, and seven years wasn't enough with her.  I really thought she was the beagle who was going to live longer than the average of 12-15 years, and I certainly never thought she'd be gone at 12.

Outside seems different.  It's been entirely too warm this October.  There is a chance that it will be in the 70's during Trick-or-Treating on Thursday.  That's crazy.  The leaves are finally starting to really turn color, but it's just less than it has been in years past.

The holidays are going to feel so different this year as well.  Thomas doesn't live here, so he won't be waking up in our house on Christmas morning.  I haven't completely wrapped my head around that yet.  Because of the way things fall this year, we decided to do our Thanksgiving meal on the Sunday before.  I'm actually kind of excited about this.  It was really important to me that we decorate the tree together, but I refuse to serve a Thanksgiving meal with a tree up.  This will allow us to decorate the tree Wednesday evening and we can watch our Friends episodes as well.  These things are going to be different, but we can go with them.

Christmas shopping is going to feel different this year as well.  Some friends have decided we are going to stop exchanging gifts, and the kids truly need mostly just money.  There will be a few cute and traditional gifts here and there, but no one really wants "things" just for the sake of having a gift.  I bought my mom tickets to a performance she wanted, and that took care of that.

I don't love change, and it feels like there is so much that is different. I know it isn't all bad, but right now it sure doesn't necessarily feel good either.  Even 

It's less raw today

Yesterday was just a very raw day.  Andrew and I dreaded going to bed without our sweet girl, but we also really wanted the day to be over.  I'm so grateful it was a Friday.  Our bed felt big and cold without Abby last night.  Waking up today though, it felt less raw than yesterday.

There were still tough moments though.  Andrew was going to his mom's today, and I was dreading him leaving because Abby was always depressed when he'd leave.  This time though, I was dreading him leaving for an entirely different reason.  This house is so quiet and it feels so empty.  I miss her so, so much.  I watched some videos of her this evening and allowed myself to have a good cry.

I know this is part of owning a pet.  We outlive them and we miss them.  Yesterday, I felt it was my job to be strong for Andrew.  This evening though, I'm really reminded that it just really sucks.  It also doesn't help that I don't have a vehicle (that is another post) and I'm basically stuck here for the weekend.  I know that there are worse things in life, but today I'm still sad.  It just feels so sudden.  I also can't help but feeling if she hadn't tripped on Wednesday, she might still be with us.  I wish I could go back in time and keep her from doing that.

I'm sad, but I know tomorrow will be better.

We had to say goodbye to Abby

Our hearts are broken as we had to say good-bye to our sweet pup this morning.  She had a slipped disc again, but as always, was responding to the medication and was improving after 24 hours on medication.  Then, she slipped, and it seemed to compress the disc.  By last night, she was no longer able to walk.  It was awful to see.  Andrew called the vet last evening, and the news wasn't good.  Unless we woke up to a miracle this morning, we would be waking up with our sweet girl for the last time.  Fortunately, Andrew had no school today, and my co-workers graciously re-arranged schedules so I could be off most of the day.  The vet confirmed our worst fears, and we had to come home without her.  We were with her at the end, and honestly, we've spent a good part of the day crying.  We had Facetimed the kids last evening so each of them could say good-bye.  Telling Thomas and Catherine today was hard, especially Catherine.  She sobbed.  We are grateful her suffering wasn't worse, but oh, we miss her already.  The hard part is that she was still our sweet girl, her body was just failing her.  It's so quiet here.  As dog owners, I mentioned to Andrew that we pretty much had scheduled our lives around her.  This absolutely sucks.  Andrew and Thomas will be heading east tomorrow for football and it will just be me here tomorrow.  Dogs aren't really just pets, they are part of the family, and this is happening way too soon after losing Lincoln.

Another week gone by in October

We are nearly half-way through October.  I'm especially excited about tomorrow's weather as the high may not make it out of the 50's.  My kind of weather!  I can't complain to much though, as it's been warmer during the days than I would prefer, but very cool overnight and no humidity at all.  I'm really ready to wear long-sleeved shirts though.

Last weekend we had a lovely dinner with the kids, my mom, and even my sister joined us.  We were at one of our favorite restaurants where they serve incredible loaded fries.  Andrew insisted on a burger, but the rest of us all ate the fries...and even ordered extras!  It was nice to have some time all together.

Catherine is really enjoying her new job, and even has a second job!  She has a significant amount of debt and is beginning to understand the consequences of her decisions.  It's been really nice having her with us during the week and it's been helpful.  She appreciates that she still gets to spend her weekends in her apartment, but this is all temporary.  She understands when her lease is up next summer that she'll be moving in with us until she can really get back on her feet financially.

We have made it through the fall sports season.  It wasn't quite as bad as previous years, except for last week.  Andrew had to work every single evening.  The last two weeks have also been really, really hard at my job.  We had a lot of staff illness and it really took a toll.  I was the only admin working two of those days, and the Head was out pretty much all week.  That made it really challenging to be able to help in classrooms when I was the only one in the office, and there were times I just wasn't sure how we were going to cover everything.  We did though, and thank goodness we had Friday off school!  I spent Thursday night at an AirBnB with our good friend who also had Friday off. 

I can't lie, it's been hard to write this year.  My stories aren't very exciting or entertaining, and my kids' stories are their stories, not mine.  And it's been a really hard year dealing with some things.  I still enjoying re-reading some of the memories I've written here, and hopefully I'll be motivated to be better at recording the future memories!

He's still my little guy

Thomas called me yesterday after getting a text from Catherine.  She just told him they were taking Lincoln to the vet.  He called me right away and wanted to know if Lincoln was okay.  I explained the situation, and he got really quiet.  We talked about how glad we were he would be reunited with our cats who had gone before him, and especially Rosie.  I was getting choked up and we were both at work, so it was a short conversation.

Thomas texted later in the evening and asked if they could come over.  Of course we said yes!  When they walked in, I walked over for a hug, and my "little guy" hugged me and clung to me for a bit.  I know he is all grown up and living on his own (and isn't really little), but my little guy was sad about the passing of our cat and needed a hug from his mom.

I love this phase of our life.  I love the life my husband and I have together, and I'm grateful for the family we've created.  And I'm so, so grateful my little guy still needed his mom.

We had to say goodbye to Lincoln today

One of our cats, Lincoln, passed away today.  It was a bit of a shock.  This morning, Andrew mentioned he seemed like something was wrong.  Catherine heard us, hopped out of bed and checked him out, then scooped him and took him to bed with her (she still had another hour+ to sleep).  He seemed to settle in with her.  Before she left for work, Catherine set him up in her room with a comfy bed, and his own food, water, and litter box.  He took a turn during the day, and when Catherine got home she instantly knew something was very wrong.  She said he sounded like he was gasping.  She called me sobbing, but I was in the middle of carline.  I had her call her dad.  He called the vet, who was willing to see them right away.  Catherine cradled Lincoln, went to pick up her dad, and then they went to the vet.  We all knew at this point that Lincoln wasn't coming home.  The vet said she heard a heartbeat when they first got there, and then he was gone.  She assured us that bringing him in earlier today would not have changed today's outcome.  I'm so grateful it happened fairly quickly and his suffering was hours instead of longer.  But I sure do regret I didn't think to be more aware when I left this morning and give him a quick pat on the head or tell him I loved him...because of course I did.  He'd been with us for eleven years starting when he was just nine-months-old with his sister Rosie.  Those two had to be adopted together as it was clear they had a special bond.  After she died, Lincoln lost a lot of weight, and he had lost his cuddle buddy.  We all agreed that we are so glad he gets to see her again.  My daughter's heartbreak is always the part that hurts the most, but I'll be honest, I'm pretty sad myself.  Losing our furry family members really sucks.

Pete Rose died

Last evening we learned that Pete Rose had passed away.  My sister let me know.  I really wanted to write, but I wasn't feeling well at all.  My sister and I share so many memories from our childhood that involve the Reds, and specifically, Pete Rose.  I remember being devastated when he started playing for the Phillies, and I was beyond thrilled when he came to back to Cincinnati from Montreal.  I vividly remember watching the game on TV the night that he hit #4192.  It's always sad to lose parts of our childhood.  So, so many memories.

September took forever...and also flew by

September has been a crazy, crazy month.  It's been a hard month on the work front.  I have spent a crazy amount of time on scheduling and trying to fill all the holes with a very small amount of subs, and last Wednesday we were three teachers short...on a day we also did school photos.  Insanity.  It's been exhausting.

Andrew has worked every Saturday at an athletic event, except for last Saturday when we had a family wedding.  His weeknights haven't been quite as bad as past years, but after a not-too-bad week this coming week, he will work every night next week.  That will lead up to about five weeks off though, so we can handle it.  And this season tends to be the worst season, so that's good news.

Catherine has a new job working in the public school district here.  She works about 28 hours a week, which is a good start, but she needs something else to supplement due to some other choices.  She is with us Sunday evening through Friday afternoon, and then goes to her apartment the rest of the week.  It's kind of like "reverse-college" living.  We call it adulting with guardrails.

Thomas has been in his new apartment for five weeks.  We are so grateful he has a place to live that is so close to his job.

After three weeks ago when the weather was absolutely gorgeous, it got hot again.  Really, really hot, like upper 80's and even some 90's.  The family wedding last weekend was an outdoor ceremony and a non air-conditioned reception venue.  Hurricane Helene struck Florida and came up to Ohio this weekend.  Western North Carolina was certainly not expecting a storm of that strength, and even here in Ohio, we had substantial wind damage on Friday afternoon.  We are on our third consecutive day of rain, but it was much needed as we were in a drought, and it was extreme.  Hopefully this is the end of the summer weather as we are headed into October this week.  I've enjoyed decorating for the fall, and I'm pleased that I've been able to have some candles lit.  I love, absolutely love the smells of fall, and I love that we'll have two months of fall decorations to enjoy.  I'm so grateful for the peaceful feelings that this season bring, because there have certainly been days when life has felt anything but peaceful lately!

It doesn't feel like it's been five years

It was five years ago today that we had the funeral and buried my Aunt Cathy.  It doesn't feel at all like it has been that long.  She is so missed.  I can still hear her laugh, especially when I see a picture.

A good friend recently found out he had a melanoma on his leg.  Gratefully, he didn't wait, and they feel like they got everything when they removed it.  He is quite a bit younger than us.

In some ways, I can't help but feel like five years ago was when the family really changed.  My grandmother had lost her youngest child, and things really changed with her outlook.  We all know that was a big factor in her passing less than six months later.  And that led to the break up of our family as a whole.

It doesn't feel like it's been five years. 

It doesn't get any better

Today is one of those days that, well, it just doesn't get any better.  A cold front came through last evening, and the temps dropped significantly.  Today's high was in the 60's, but still bright and sunny...an absolutely gorgeous day.  And of course, today is SATURDAY, the best day of the week!  And since it is in September, it means there is college football on TV.  It's literally an ideal day.  Andrew had to work this morning, but was home by mid-afternoon and has already completed his lesson plans.  The kids are both at their apartments, so it's just us and the pets.  Oh, we are loving this day!  I'm soaking up the entire day.  Tomorrow will also be lovely, and there will be NFL, but we have tons of things to accomplish.  The kids will be here for dinner though, so overall it's a wonderful weekend! 

I love Labor Day weekend

I have always loved Labor Day weekend.  Who can be sad about a weekend that has an extra day?  And of course, always very happy that college football has begun, and both our Irish and the Buckeyes won.  Great start to the season!

We spent 18 hours at my mother-in-law's house and took her to dinner last night.  She kept telling us how much it meant to her that we made this trip to celebrate her 85th year.  We went to the same restaurant where we go every time there is a family celebration and we eat out.  I realized it had been five years since we had eaten there.  We had gone over for her 80th birthday.  The one I really kept thinking about though, was ten years ago and her 75th birthday.  Last evening we were sitting near where we had sat for that dinner.  That time though, we had reservations for a large table of eight.  This time though, we had a small table of three in a small corner.  It made me a little sad.  Both Andrew's dad and his brother have passed away, and Robert is not around.  Catherine and Thomas both had things going on (they did call their grandmother today).  It felt so symbolic of the changes of life.  I know that not all change is bad, but it just kind of felt stuffed in our faces.

One change I appreciate...the weather!  I'm sitting here in our family room and I'm actually chilly.  It's going to get warm again for a few days, but for today and tomorrow I'll take this! 

Always happy to be finished with August

I always mentally cheer when we reach September 1.  Even this morning, I woke up and thought, "Yay!" It's September."  While it is the beginning of meteorological fall, I know better than to get that excited about the weather.  But, it does mean that we made it through another August, and I'm always grateful for that.  This year, the last week of August was HOT.  The entire week had heat indices in the upper 90's.  We even canceled an event at school.  While we could have done it, by the time it was to occur it was going to be day four of the wretched temps, and we just decided there was no need.

There's been a lot going on around here.  Some of it good, some of it not-so-good.  We are getting through though, and I'm grateful my kids know we are always here for them.  I'm also very grateful that college football has returned...another good thing that September brings!

Today, Andrew and I are headed to his mom's house because she turns 85 tomorrow.  We'll be back tomorrow afternoon.  Catherine is coming to stay here with the cats, but our sweet pup is going with us.  This is the first time we've gone over without any of our kids (to stay over) since before we became parents.  Lots of "lasts" and new "firsts" happening around here.  This is the phase of our lives!

A new phase

Tonight, Thomas is sleeping in his new apartment for the very first time.  Last evening he FaceTimed us after he had gotten the keys and gave us a quick tour.  I think he is sleeping on an air mattress and living out of his suitcase, but still he's sleeping there tonight.  I'm excited him, but it still made my heart happy to hear him say he'd be "home" this weekend to spend some more time packing things in his room.  I know we will see him lots, and he's already been off to college for a year, but this is certainly more permanent.

Yesterday was also the day that Joey Votto retired.  I won't lie, it made me a little sad, but I'm glad he went out on his own terms.  We were at his last home game last year, and it was so very special.  I didn't realize it was also the game where he had his last Major League hit.  I am so, so grateful for all of the memories he helped to create for my family, including last year's game.  He was a great role model for kids, and I hope that his days in the public eye aren't yet over.

Life brings changes, but I'm grateful to be a part of them!

The last one for a very long time

I didn't sleep well at all Sunday night.  However, the weather turned very fall-like beginning yesterday, and the weather for sleeping last night could not have been more perfect.  It was chilly but not cold, and I was exhausted and looking forward to a great night of sleeping.

As I crawled into bed, I couldn't help but think to myself how happy I was to have all four of us sleeping at home under my roof.  Neither of the kids had to work today and it all just felt so peaceful.  And suddenly it dawned on my, how very, very few of those nights are left.  In fact, tonight might very well be the last one.  Although Thomas will still be here tomorrow, Catherine will be heading back to her apartment in the evening.  I can't deny that that I am looking forward to some very quiet evenings in the future with just Andrew and myself, but I also can't deny that I have loved, absolutely loved, all the evenings our little family has shared.  We have made great memories together, and I'm so thankful.  I know there are still so many fun times ahead, but I also know that things are changing, and things will be different.

Sunday evening we had a lovely dinner together as a family, and Thomas brought along his girlfriend.  We ate at the lodge out at the state park and then we took some pictures in front of the lake.  I knew someone else there, and they kindly helped us out with the pictures.  We even went for ice cream after, and we had fun sharing the evening with our adult kiddos.

I'm so grateful for these days!

A first day we will remember

Today, both Andrew and I had students for the first day of school.  I was exhausted and drained by 9am, but I am glad that the students have returned.  I was also ready to leave by 2, but that wasn't an option today.  I'm gonna miss those summer hours, but I'll enjoy the school-year paychecks.

My little neighbor attends our preschool, and oh she makes me laugh.  My favorite part of the day was walking over and visiting the preschool classroom.  The little ones are so cute.

The best part of the day happened after school though.  Thomas was approved for renting his own apartment.  He'll be living about an hour away, but it's near all of our friends so I'm not worried.  This is a move he really NEEDED to make, as his job requires him being there between 5 & 5:30am, and it's over an hour drive from our house.  I'm excited for him, and although I know this is a big end of an era, I'm really proud of him.  When he found out he was approved, he ran into the kitchen and grabbed me in a big hug.  It makes my heart full!  I'll always remember this special part of today! 

French Lick Resort

Earlier in the year, Andrew and I had decided we weren't going to take a family vacation.  We had to purchase new windows due to a homeowner's insurance inspection, and then we agreed to help Thomas by paying for his new engine that he needed this spring.  Either expenditure would've been more than we would spend on a vacation, let along both of them occurring in the same year.  On top of that, Andrew was taking his 50th birthday trip with his high school friends to Montana.  I had decided we would just take a bunch of overnight trips and enjoy a day here and there.  However, as the summer began, I realized I was really sad that I wasn't taking a trip.  I had always wanted to visit this resort in Indiana.  I love vacations where we can park when we arrive and not have to leave again.  The best part (as far as I was concerned)?  It was less than a four hour drive.  Andrew would tell you the best part was that we could bring Abby.  I had planned to stay two nights, but Andrew convinced me we should stay a third night...and I'm so, so glad we did!

When we arrived we literally parked the car and didn't see it again until Wednesday.  The place was enormous, and absolutely gorgeous.  Dinner our first night was at this amazing steak restaurant right down the hall from our room.  The waitress chuckled when we ordered chocolate martinis as our dessert, but that was exactly what we wanted.  We spent the evening walking around locating things throughout the hotel and walked to the casino.  We were fish out of water there!

Monday morning we got up and had the buffet that was really good.  We then decided to go back to the room and take a nap, because that is what vacation is about!  After a couple of hours we headed to the adult pool and the poolside bar where we spent another couple of hours until it was time to catch the shuttle to dinner at a golf course.  To be honest, it wasn't the greatest meal.  We decided to spend the evening at the Casino, where we laughed a lot because we didn't have a clue what we were doing!  We ended up spending about $12 there, but then we realized the Reds were on the giant screen and decided to have a drink and watch some of the game, then we headed back to the room and ordered a bottle of wine from room service.

Tuesday morning we started with coffee, then we took the shuttle over to the other hotel named the West Badin.  It was just as amazing as the French Lick hotel but very different architecture.  We had a lovely lunch in the atrium and walked the grounds.  The gardens at West Badin were really beautiful.  We took the shuttle back to our hotel, and decided it was nap time again!  We didn't have specific dinner plans, but we decided we'd grab something small, then head to the casino.  We really didn't plan to gamble, but our plan was to have some drinks and watch the Reds game again.  Unfortunately, it ended up being postponed, so we went back to the room and ordered another bottle of wine from room service.

It was a perfect little trip with just the right amount of time.  I felt relaxed, and I appreciated that the kids were at home to handle the cats.  While we splurged on meals and desserts and drinks, I was grateful that we didn't spend a lot on gas, and since we were able to go Sunday-Wednesday, the lodging wasn't overly expensive.  I'm so, so grateful that we took a few days to get away, just the two of us (and Abby too)!  And I'm also very grateful that we already made reservations for an ocean vacation next year!

And now it's been another three weeks

With the passage of another three weeks, we are here at the last weekend of summer.  I'm looking forward to having a regular routine again.  I can't lie though, I do wish that my regular routine didn't have me getting up quite so early.  And as I told Andrew, those Friday afternoons are going to be really rough.  I worked very few Fridays this summer, and most Thursdays I was out of there no later than 2pm.  I appreciate the more laid-back and flexible schedule of the summer, but I will also appreciate the nicer paychecks of the school year!

Andrew and I had a wonderful trip three weeks ago, but I'll write about that in a different post.  There have been a few other things happening as well, like the Olympics, but again, other posts.

I can write though, that this last weekend in summer has been very fall-like, and I'll happily take that!

Three weeks later

I enjoyed my week off, Andrew had a great time in Montana...and here we are in the later part of July.

I need to explain my absence.  My kids are young adults, and it truly has been the toughest phase so far.  But those things are their story and not mine.  I truly do believe they will be okay in the long run, and they are safe, but sometimes the choices they make only eliminate their options for the future.  Anyway, it's just hard, sometimes, to want to visit my blog.

I had a wonderful week off.  I was amazed at how much I got done.  I've been doing a lot of organizing, especially of photos. I was especially thrilled to get our bedroom picked up.  Catherine was here for a couple of days, and I always enjoy having her around.  Her job is going really well, and we are so grateful for that.

We spent the Fourth of July with our dear friends.  Several of their other friends joined us, and it was really a lot of fun.  Their younger son flew in from Texas and brought his girlfriend.  She seemed really nice, and we are glad we got to meet her.  After the other friends had left, we stayed and played a game with our friends and their girls.  We really appreciate that their girls love us like family as well.

The next week Andrew went to Montana with high school friends.  Including spouses there were twelve altogether.  I was invited, but I had no desire to make a very expensive trip to Montana.  He had an amazing trip and even was able to spend a day at Yellowstone.  I'm so, so glad that he was able to make this trip, but I'm also very glad he's back!

This week I had a church meeting and we visited with my grandmother.  After a really, really awful May, Grandma is doing a lot better.  She enjoyed the fact that I brought Andrew with me to visit her.

Tomorrow, Andrew and I are headed to our own little trip away.  We even get to take our sweet Abby with us!  Catherine is coming here to take care of the cats because Thomas's work schedule is too challenging.  I've been looking forward to this all summer!

Off work for the next ten days

As I told Andrew earlier today, this is the best part of every break...the very beginning.  I'm sure everyone agrees with that.  I love my job, but I can't lie that having ten nights to go to bed and not have to be up early the next morning is always delightful.  I'm not entirely sure what the next ten days are going to bring, but I know there won't be any alarm for most of them!

A puzzle for my dad

 

At the end of the school year, our staff received Amazon gift cards from the school as a thank you.  Amazon carries my favorite puzzle brand, and I decided to check out what might be available.  As soon as I saw this puzzle, I immediately added it to my cart and knew that I had to have it.  Not only did I love the colors and the theme, but my Dad's name was Bob.  And if any man would have ever been the kind to own a hardware store, it was him.  As I told my boss one day recently, he could fix absolutely anything.

Putting this puzzle together brought me such joy, but in all honesty, it also brought a few tears.  I miss my dad so much, but I'm so grateful his suffering ended when it did.  I know my dad was truly a special man, and I loved feeling him with me while I put this puzzle together.  I had thought about gluing it together and keeping it permanently, but I had so much fun putting it together I decided to take it apart, and maybe next year I'll enjoy it again!

Back to work tomorrow

My little mini 'staycation' is coming to an end and I'm back to work tomorrow.  The nice thing is that it will already be Thursday, and I'm not sure if there is any need for me to work Friday.  Even if I do...it's a two-day week!  And next week I'll only work four days before before the office closes for the July 4th week.  This is what I love about my job in the summer!!

The last six days have been wonderfully special, starting almost right after I got off Thursday.  We had won tickets to the Dayton Dragons in a silent auction and we took our dear friends with us.  There have been some issues I won't get into, but the love and compassion that they have shown us during a really rough time is indescribable.  We watched about half the game, then walked across the street for a beer.  Then we spent Friday evening at their house hanging out as well.  It was a great start to the time off!

Saturday I didn't leave my house at all.  I did some cleaning, and just really enjoyed a bit of down time.  Sunday we had planned on church, but I woke up not feeling well.  Sadly, three days later, I'm still not feeling great.  The kids were all here Sunday evening for dinner, and we are enjoying the beginning of that tradition.

Monday, Andrew and I decided to head north and make a quick visit to the Air Force Museum, then we drove even further north to meet up with my mom and several of my high school friends.  A very dear friend had flown in from California, and it was so incredibly great to spend the evening together.  It had been nine years since he'd been here, and that is entirely too long!

Yesterday was our one evening "away", but it's a bit comical.  Andrew and I won a night at an airbnb property in a different silent auction, but I'm not sure it was even two miles away from our home.  It was so needed though.  We drove out to the state park for dinner, then drove back to the place and watched the Reds game before I turned in fairly early.  It was a really great evening to just have to ourselves.

Today, my California friend drove to our town and we spent the afternoon just the two of us.  I was kind of ready to be just "done" with people, but I'm so glad that we took this afternoon together.  It was so very special.

During all of this week, we've been under a heat advisory and/or warning.  It's been in the 90's all week with indices over 100.  This is NOT my kind of weather, and I suspect that is why I haven't been feeling great.  Sadly, there is no break until Sunday when it will "only" be in the upper 80's, then next week we are back to all 90's again.  Not at all enjoyable.

I'm ready to get to back to work...and then enjoy another weekend!

A few days off in the middle of June

It's the middle of June.  I'll be honest, time has not been flying by, and I'm 100% okay with that.  Part of the "not flying" though, has been our adult children, and that's hard.  My kids are good kids, but oh my goodness, some of the choices they make are astounding.  They were taught better, and sometimes it's hard to watch.  But, as they are adults, watching is all I can really do.

I've taken several days off this week, and I'm so very glad that I did.  I needed this down time, and I'm not feeling great so it's even more appreciated.  I'm very grateful for the life I have.

The first week of summer

The first week of summer has come to a close.  This was supposed to be our "quiet" week at work, but it was definitely anything but that.  The good news is, it is just the beginning.

My week consisted of working over 33 hours, but it was more flexible than a normal school week.  I also made a trip both Monday (with all of us) and again on Wednesday to visit my grandmother.  We are trying to have someone check in with her every day, but this is not sustainable for months on end.  And honestly, while Hospice is involved, I suspect she is going to be here when school starts again in August.  I'm not even ruling out her still being here at the holidays, although I certainly wouldn't have expected that a month ago.

I also got lots of laundry done and I got most of the house picked up.  That's a good thing, because I need to work at church tomorrow.  My allergies are making me really, really miserable.  Part of that is because the weather has been absolutely gorgeous, and I've been able to have all of the windows open.  Since Andrew has been at his mom's house, I've been able to sleep without any snoring or other bedroom distractions (like our sweet pup) and I've been able to make the bedroom downright cold.  It's been lovely.

Today is my cousin's birthday, and it would have been my maternal grandmother's birthday as well. She would have been 95 today, and I'm grateful that our family gathered together to celebrate her 90th.  It's really so hard to believe how much has changed in five years, and it's also really hard to believe how fast the last five years have flown by.  Family things make me fairly emotional these days, but I'm so grateful for the memories! 

Tuesday at the end of May

I love the fact that although we have been out of school for almost a week, there are still three days of may remaining.  I think we can all agree that the best part of summer is the beginning!  I have eleven entire weeks until the next time I have to get up for a school day.

Andrew has gone to visit his mom and help her with some things.  He took our sweet pup with him.  I miss them, but I appreciate the quiet time.  Thomas had a short work day today, but I was able to get three loads of laundry done and lots of school work.  The end is always really busy.

I'll be honest, I'm really sad that we aren't taking a vacation this year.  I know that an ocean vacation is not in the budget, and I know that the kids can't get off work to join us, but I'm sad that we can't make it happen.  Not only is the ocean amazing, but I always appreciated that our family had an entire week together, no matter how things were going in our lives.  I suspect we will be able to take a vacation again at some point, but I acknowledge things will never be like they were.  And that's okay, but it does make me a bit sad that those days are over.

I'm hoping to really spend some time working on some things around our house, and I hope our summer schedule allows this to happen!

It was a fun weekend to begin this summer

I'll be honest, this weekend felt longer than the 78ish hours that we had, and I'm so grateful.  Friday morning was a staff breakfast.  It was more fun than I thought it would be.  I worked for a bit over three hours, then I came home to begin my weekend.  Andrew and I attended a grad party in town, then drove up to attend the graduation of our best friends' youngest daughter.  I wouldn't have missed that for the world.  After graduation, we were all meeting together, when she took one look at us and began to cry.  Our connection is strong, and we've been through a lot.  We all went out to dinner, and then Saturday evening was the grad party.  It is always wonderful to spend time with our friends who are family.

Catherine was also here this weekend.  There are always tough moments with her as she attempts to navigate adulting, but overall this weekend it was really nice to have her around.  Our day yesterday was a wonderful family day.  We ordered some dinner in and then we played our new favorite family game.  Oh my goodness, the laughter...so much laughter!

Today both kids were off work, which isn't always going to be the case.  We decided to take advantage of the kids being around and went to visit my grandmother.  She was beyond delighted to have us all there.  My grandmother no longer gets out of bed and has been clear that she wants nothing to keep her alive longer than necessary.  Dinner this evening was with Thomas and his girlfriend, while I worked on school things.

Overall, it was really a lovely way to begin our summer.  I'm ready to enjoy the next eleven weeks!

Seems fitting to be ending this school year with a full moon

In about 18 hours, the school year will officially be over.  I'm looking very forward to quieter days and fewer hours.  Honestly, this year has been so, so challenging in my personal life, and it's made the year hard.  We've also had nearly 25% of our families in crisis during the year.  Some crises weren't overly serious, but some were life altering for families.  Caring about them the way we do is emotionally draining.

There was a chance of rain tomorrow that would mean we would only be working a half-day, and the family picnic would be canceled.  Honestly, that is what we were hoping for, although I told everyone not to get hopes up.  Two years ago it was the same forecast, and then when it was a beautiful day we were all grumpy.  It's just draining to have to socialize for hours.  Sure enough, the rain chances are pretty much eliminated, and we'll be working essentially a full day, including the picnic.  It seems very fitting that there is a full moon tonight to end this year.  

I have to be honest

I have to be honest, this blog is really hard for me right now.  There are so many incredibly fun-filled family memories here, and while I treasure those memories, they hurt right now because that is not at all how life is currently.  I'm struggling on so many fronts.

A lot of this has to do with Catherine.  Her communications are infrequent, her visits are rare, and her choices are highly questionable.  She doesn't want our guidance and I totally get that.  She goes so far down the horrible rabbit hole, that by the time we find out, things are really, really hard,  It's frustrating for us all.  I'm struggling watching her high school classmates earn their college degrees, and although I'm so proud that she has some certifications and licenses, she can't seem to hold down a job.  It's a bit terrifying.  I miss having her around.  And of course, I acknowledge that the fact that I haven't seen or spoken to my oldest son (although Andrew has) in over five years adds to my emotions and fears about Catherine's actions.

Thomas is doing well, although he has struggles at his job as well.  He's a 20-year-old in a man's world.  He's doing fine and I'm so proud of him, and I'm grateful that his bosses are being patient with him.  He's planning to move closer to work to help eliminate his 65 minute commute.  I can't blame him as he has to be at work at 5AM.  It's hard to realize he'll be out on his own, but I'm so happy for him at the same time.  I don't love that he is planning for his girlfriend to move in with him, but I know I don't get to make that choice.  As I tell all my kids, life is so hard, and I just don't want them to make choices that make it even harder.

And then there is my extended family.  I miss what we had so, so much.  But my aunt & uncle, and some cousins, aren't the same people I thought they were back then.  And I'm struggling with other things in that regard as well.  I've received an invitation to an extended family member's baby shower.  I have to be honest, I detest showers.  Wedding showers, baby showers, all of them.  I'd be happy if we could just have a gathering and open gifts, but I don't enjoy the stupid little games that have to be played.  I appreciate the invitation and being included, and you'd think after writing about how much I miss family gatherings that I'd be thrilled.  I have to acknowledge though, that if the situation were reversed, they wouldn't be coming to our house.  They weren't around when any of my kids graduated, there has been no contact with my grandmother (their great-grandmother) since the pandemic, and I'm just not sure how to feel about that.  Additionally, I wanted to spend the day with Andrew driving around visiting the cemeteries like we used to do when I was younger.  It seems ridiculous that I would give up spending a day with living relatives to hang out at graves, but right now that is what seems peaceful.  And a peaceful feeling is definitely something that is missing from my life right now.

Next weekend we'll be attending the graduation for the "baby" of our friends.  And in fact, she was a baby when we started hanging out, and Jen was still pregnant with M when my kids started having Jen as a teacher.  It's so hard to believe this day is coming.  I'm so, so grateful that we get to be there.  We were there for her brothers special day, and although we couldn't attend her sister due to restrictions, we were honored to join in at the dinner following.

All of these emotional things are the reason I've stayed away.  While I'm grateful summer is arriving, we aren't taking a family vacation this year and I know that adds to my emotions as well...in years past that was always our opportunity to reconnect no matter what was happening, but not this year.  Additionally, my mother-in-law turned down our offer for her to visit here in a couple of weeks, which tells me this isn't a very fun place to be.

Andrew and I are headed up to my hometown to visit my grandmother in a bit.  He really wants to see her, but there is no guarantee she is going to be awake.  My sister was there twice yesterday and she was asleep both times.  Although it is warm (why does there not seem to be much spring anymore??) I'm looking forward to a lovely drive.

The middle of May 2024

I have only four days remaining in this school year.  Even though I have to work all summer, it's just so much more relaxing, my days are shorter, and I often don't work Fridays.  I'm so grateful I like my job overall.  I've really needed it the last few months.

It hasn't been a great past few months.  My grandmother is 93, and to be honest, she doesn't love her life.  It's awful to see her in this state.  She just lies in bed most of her days, and she doesn't even turn on the TV.  She really declined the week of my dad's birthday, and I think the fact that it was his 70th birthday was a factor in that.  The hard part is that there isn't really anything physically wrong with her, so it's just hard right now.  My sister has decided that someone needs to check in with her each day, so I'm trying to make at least 2, and sometimes 3 trips to my hometown.  I'll have much more flexibility to do that when the summer comes.

Things have also been pretty tough with the kids.  To be honest, while Thomas loves his job, the hours were really, really hard on him, and he was absolutely awful to be around.  He was downright mean to me often times.  Fortunately, some things have changed with his schedule and it works better for him.  And I don't have words about Catherine.  I love her, and I have to believe that she'll be okay, but her choices are less than wise.  I'm grateful she finally has a job again, and I can only hope this puts her on the path she needs to be on.

I truly had no idea that parenting young adults could be so much more difficult than parenting teenagers.  As Andrew said, there is that sick feeling in our stomachs that we get when we see a poor choice turning into a disaster, but we are powerless to stop it.

It's been a crazy spring in terms of weather as well.  Last Tuesday we huddled with the pets (who were willing to join us) in our hallway as we were in the path of a tornado.  Ohio is leading the country in tornadoes this year, and I sure could do without that.

Looking forward to brighter times.  First, we have to get through my least favorite day of the year tomorrow with the end-of-year ceremony, but we will get through it!

And they are both in the rear-view mirror

A few minutes ago, one of the players on Andrew's baseball team got an out and that ended the game, which ended the season.  They had one win the entire season, and a whole bunch of losses.  Andrew coached with different guys this year, and none of them were his friends.  It was definitely not his most fun season, and he has decided it may be time for him to take a break from that coaching.  In all honesty, I'm not sure he'll have much of a choice.  There were 13 games in the last 17 days, and with the kids not being around, that makes it very, very challenging for Abby who needs to go out at specific times of the day.

We also finished musical week at my school.  It is my least favorite week of the year.  We do performances on Wednesday and Thursday, and then we all just kind of crawl through the day today until we can go home and crash.  We have one more really long day this year, and then we are almost ready to wrap up the year.

It's nice to have these things in the rear-view mirror!

Twenty years post "Friends"

It was 20 years ago today that TV show ended.  I vividly remember that evening and watching that final episode.  Of course I had been a devoted fan throughout the ten years of the show.  I was sad that it was ending, and I remember sitting there sobbing.  I wasn't just crying at the end, I was sobbing.  I remember Andrew not being sure what was happening, and I remember explaining to him that because of my dad's illness, my emotional "cup" was always 90% full, so it didn't take much to push me over the edge, and that resulted in sobbing that night.  Not only was that show so awesome while it was on, I can't even begin to describe how much comfort that show has provided over rough times in the last 20 years.  I can watch that last episode now without any tears at all, probably because I know it will start all over again in reruns! 😊 

I'm so grateful to have had this show in my life.  Might sound crazy because it's just a TV show, but it's true!

My dad's 70th birthday

Today would have been my dad's 70th birthday.  Earlier in the year, we had received word that today would be the day our town's foundation would be honoring new funds with plaques being placed in the tree grove that is in a town park.  Our family's fund plaque was placed years ago, but I could think of no better way to honor my dad on 70th birthday than to attend this ceremony.  I was able to get the day off from work, and it seems as though my mom and sister felt the same way I did.  They both planned to join along, although Mom ended up being (as I suspected) too tired from last week's surgery.  Andrew took a personal day to join me. I had never seen our fund plaque on the tree, and Andrew and I set out to find it shortly after we arrived.  My sister arrived, and lots of pictures were taken.  It was absolutely the perfect way to honor and feel connected to my dad on his milestone birthday.

My sister had a particularly emotional morning.  Before the ceremony even began, my sister had an appointment with my grandmother.  Grandma is essentially beginning to "give up."  I can't blame her.  She is 93 years old, and today marked the 11th of my dad's birthdays that has been without him.  Earlier in the month it was my grandfather's birthday.  In August he will have been gone 20 years.  Grandma is tired of living the way she is living, and she is tired of living of living without her loved ones.  She has outlived all of her siblings and their spouses, her husband, his siblings and their spouses, and her son.  My sister is also the one my mom is leaning on in her recovery.

I'm so grateful Andrew was able to have a day off and spend it with me.  While I've been emotional at times, I also know that my dad is with us every day, and I'm so grateful how much I was able to feel him today.  I know he is proud of us and is looking down and smiling on us.

Why I've been quiet

I've been staying away from the blog a lot.  There is so much going on, and while things are okay, it's definitely been emotional.  Grandma was in the hospital last week, but I'm happy to report that she was released early this week.  Thanks to my aunt and her actions (or lack thereof) that added to family drama.  Mom had surgery to remove her kidney mass this week.  I'm happy to report that the surgeon reported that all went according to plan.  Her first evening was really rough, but even just 36 hours after surgery she was doing better.  I know it is going to take some time for her to really be back on her feet again.

My kids though, have been the biggest source of emotions.  Their stories are their stories and not mine to share.  There are a lot of changes on the horizon, and some of the changes are good, some of them aren't, and all of it just ramps up my emotions.

It's hard when our home doesn't feel like a peaceful oasis of relaxation.  To that end, I'm so, so grateful that I enjoy my job.  I don't love early mornings, but I do really like my job.  I'm grateful for the distraction it provides when times are tougher.

I know things will work out, and I know that eventually a feeling of peace will be found again!

Spring break 2024

Spring break has been over for two weeks, but I wanted to make sure to record some memories before I completely forget them!  This is the last year that Andrew and I are going to have the same spring break for awhile.  At one point I had thought it would be a good time to make a less expensive trip to the ocean, but there is too much going on in life for that to be an option.

The break began with one of my favorite weekends of the year...the men's NCAA basketball tournament.  There were some decent upsets in the first round, but as is generally the case, they didn't make it out of the first weekend.  Monday-Wednesday of the week brought household work and some work at school just to keep things going (and to earn a bit of a paycheck...I don't get PTO!), but there was lots of time for relaxing as well!

The best part of break was the day we headed to Columbus.  We were able to get a great rate at a motel, and stayed at Easton, where everything is walkable.  We had dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, went to a movie, had some drinks at a pub, and took advantage of having HBO Max to watch the Friends Reunion episode from a couple of years ago that we had never seen.  With Matthew Perry having passed away, it added to my emotions as I watched it.  I've watched that show and laughed with friends, with my husband, and even with my children and mother-in-law during our Thanksgiving tradition.  That show has brought some laughs during some really rough times.

Friday morning we got up and drove over to get my mother-in-law and bring her back for Easter and an extended visit.  We had a lot of fun while she was here.

As with every break, it flew by too quickly.  But the good news is that I really like my job!

It took my breath away

My grandmother is in the hospital.  She is not critically ill, and I'm grateful.  She has a serious infection and needs IV antibiotics.  She isn't in any pain and she doesn't feel awful.  These are all good things.  At the same time, she is 92, and that is simply reality.

I made a trip to the hospital to see her this afternoon.  I needed to stop by her assisted living facility and pick up her glasses.  I decided to take the back roads to the hospital from there, and in doing so, I drove past the house she and my grandfather lived in for the first 29 years of my life.  Oh goodness, driving down that road literally took my breath away.  I was so blessed to have grown up with both sets of grandparents living within a five-minute drive of my home, so many, many trips were made down that road.  It all just felt so surreal.

I don't think this is the end for Grandma, but I do know that she is weakening.  Reality is that she may not be able to return to assisted living...we really don't know what the future holds.  I told her I loved her as I was leaving and she became emotional.  Oh goodness, it's been quite an afternoon.

Eclipse

Today was the Solar eclipse.  I'll be honest, I didn't particularly care.  I knew we'd be in totality here, but other than the fact that I was thrilled to have a day off work as a calamity day, I didn't really care.  I had done virtually nothing to prepare.  When we knew that my mother-in-law would be here for Easter last weekend, I encouraged Andrew to either take her back after just a few days or to wait until next weekend.  I was pleased that she agreed to stay.  Andrew and I had begun to panic about not having glasses available, but we hadn't done anything to make that happen either.  Fortunately, we seemed to be the only people who didn't plan ahead and we were able to get the glasses from my office.

Catherine was back at her school apartment, but Andrew, Thomas my MIL and I grabbed chairs and our glasses and parked out front.  It was neat seeing it start, although without the glasses you couldn't really see anything.  We were scheduled to be in totality for over two minutes.  As totality grew close, it dimmed, but then all of a sudden it was dark.  We could hear cheering and gasps throughout our neighborhood, and it was so cool!  I was so grateful we got to share it together.  As a neighbor put it, he was completely prepared to be underwhelmed, and that didn't happen at all!  It was dark and we could see stars, and then all of a sudden, the sun came out again!  So glad it was much less cloudy than originally anticipated.  It was a moment I'll never forget...and I'll also never get to experience again!

Easter 2024

Our Easter looks a bit different this year.  To be honest, I just wasn't up to hosting a big meal.  And to be further honest, there was a pretty serious lack of enthusiasm throughout the family.  My mom had said she didn't feel she was up to coming down yet, and we knew my sister wouldn't be particularly interested.  We had decided we would do a bit of a nice meal on Saturday evening, but then Catherine informed us she was having dinner with her best friend and family as the best friend turned 21 this week.  Certainly couldn't argue about that, but we had already told Thomas he could spend today with his girlfriend and her family.  We decided it would be fine, we'd just take the four of us and eat at the state lodge buffet.  We called to make reservations as they were recommended, but things were completely booked.  Perhaps it should indicate reservations are "required".  I went yesterday and purchased things for a very simple meal.  This morning, Andrew took his mother to Mass, then we all joined them at our church.  Andrew lectored for the service, and Thomas's girlfriend joined us as well.  We then rushed home, threw together our meal, and then cleaned up.  It was all done by 2:00, and then nap time was upon us!  Another nice thing is that for the first time in four years, we don't have to work tomorrow.  It's really nice having tomorrow off!  He is risen!

Our wall of memories

I've written before about how I love having photo memories surrounding me.  I've been this way since high school.  I started noticing last fall though, that my wall of memories was in need of some updating.  For one thing, I had put the photo collages together last century (literally), in some cases, and frame styles have changed.  I also realized that because I had put the collages together before even meeting my husband, his family was not as well represented as I would have liked.  I was motivated, though, when my husband's cousin sent us a years' worth of digitized photos as Christmas.  I had purchased a bunch of new collage frames, and finally got my act together a couple of weeks ago to order the prints I wanted.  There are several from my husband's family, a few from when the kids were little, some with friends, on and on.  We finally got everything hung today, and I find myself standing in the hall and just smiling as I scan the photos.  The wall is full of so many wonderful memories.  As I've turned 50, while I certainly hope there are plenty of more years in front of me, I also have to acknowledge that there are more years behind me than there are ahead of me.  My biggest hope is that the people in those photos enjoyed making those memories as much as I did.

A week in March

In 67 days, it will be the last day of my school year.  I'm absolutely not wishing away the next two months, but I am absolutely recognizing how unbelievably fast time is passing.  It just doesn't seem real.

My mom had a heart procedure yesterday.  It went very well, and hopefully she'll have a little more energy.  I'm not completely convinced she is going to have as much energy as she wants, but the good news is that this should lessen some issues she has been having.  Her surgery for kidney cancer will be in just over four weeks.

Thursday evening, west central Ohio was pummeled with severe weather leading to a bunch of tornadoes.  The worst was an EF-3 that hit the Indian Lake area.  I stayed up well into the night watching the coverage.  So much of the down has damage, and a great deal of the town is completely destroyed.  I was emotional as I watched it, because that was where my dad had his cottage.  Our family made so many memories in that town.  the side of the lake my dad was on seems to have been mostly spared, but the towns of lake View and Russell's Point are another story.  Oh goodness, my heart ached as I saw pictures.

To be completely honest, my heart aches a lot these days.  That is our season of life though, and I lean on my faith.  The additional sunshine in life since last week's time change helps with that significantly!

Four years ago the school shut down

Four years ago today was the last day of school for the year.  I guess, technically, it was the last day of in-person school for that year.  I remember just sitting on the couch that evening, because, suddenly, none of us really had anything to do.

I was talking to a co-worker the other day, and while we both agree we'd never want to go through it again, and things were really scary at times, we also have really good memories from the family times we had.  It was a blessing to be able to go through it with my kiddos and my husband.  I have memories of card games and board games, movie nights and family walks.  I'll never be sad we had all that time together.

It's hard to believe it has been four years.  Time sure does move along quickly.

Going through memories

Today was a teacher work day at my school, but our boss gave us the gift of an entire day off.  I'll write another post at some point to explain why.  We were to use at least part of the day for the self-care...and I feel I accomplished that.  I slept in until 10 this morning, which feels crazy!  Every time I woke up though, I would doze back to sleep so I must have really needed it.  Hopefully it doesn't catch up with me tonight and keep me from falling asleep.

It's been a gorgeous day so far, and I was able to accomplish two very important phone calls.  I've also been trying to reduce some of the tubs we have in storage, and this afternoon I spent a couple of hours going through my memories.  I found a tub with lots and lots of old newspaper clippings from my high-school and college years, and shortly thereafter.  I'll be honest, I was a little amused at some of the things I kept, and I'm pleased I was able to get rid of nearly 1/3 of the tub.

The memories were also a little poignant though, as so many of them were soccer memories.  Seeing Scotty's picture and accomplishments just made it ache that he's gone at such a young age.

I'm so grateful to have had today to just be with myself.  It was perfect timing and a lovely day!

Leap Day 2024

I have to admit, I've never been a fan of an extra day in February.  I don't really love the month of February, and I see no need to add an extra day.  I totally get that it is necessary from a science standpoint, but it's just not what I love.

We had a lovely family evening though.  Honestly, there has been lots of craziness in our lives...more than I can really describe.  But our evenings are bringing such joy.  Catherine stays here Sunday-Friday.  I can't even explain how much we are enjoying it.  It's helping Catherine to manage things much better with her health and responsibilities.  

We are in a phase where I have no idea what comes next...pretty much every day.  And for that very reason, I'm so grateful for the lovely evenings we have right now!

The reunion none of us wanted to happen

Today I returned to my hometown for the services for Scotty, my soccer-playing classmate who passed away two weeks ago.  I was dreading it, as one would.  I wish so much I had asked Andrew to go with me, but I knew he really didn't want to.  As I left, the first song that came on Pandora was John Denver's "Take me Home, Country Roads", followed by Patty Loveless's "How Can I Help You Say Goodbye?"  Wow.  The last song playing as I pulled into the driveway was Garth Brooks "The Dance".  The music got me today.

There were so many people there that it was so wonderful to see.  So many classmates, especially from those soccer days.  Those guys were special.  Our soccer coach was there.  Parents of classmates.  Oh goodness, it was son wonderful to see so many people, but as I said to many, it was the reunion none of us wanted to have.  The parents of my sister's classmate who passed away 2-1/2 years ago were there, and I'm sure it was tough to have to see everyone gathering.  One classmate mentioned how he hated these things since his dad had passed, which was 32 years ago right after we graduated.  Scotty and I were working together that summer and I remembered how devastated Scotty was that happened.  The whole thing was awful and beautiful all at the same time.  I couldn't bring myself to stay for the actual service.  I'm beyond drained as it is.

Happenings in our house

I changed the background to reflect our weather here...snow!  It's our first REAL snowstorm of the year.  It started last yesterday afternoon and was an absolutely beautiful evening as we got to watch the snow come down.  We received just over 4".  The sun is out today, and without a cloud in the sky, it melted the snow off our sidewalk and driveway.  And we had no place to drive, so it was all absolutely wonderful.  It was so peaceful.

Yesterday was also the first day off of our four-day weekend.  It is so very, very needed.  I'll be honest, part of the reason I've avoided writing is that life has been a little crazy lady.  As I told my mom when she asked how things have been, it's been very up and down around here.  We've both had craziness at our jobs.  Not necessarily bad things, but definitely some added stress in various aspects.  Additionally, my mom has two surgeries in the next 60 days.  I don't mind helping my mother and I want to be there for her, but medial issues are definitely not my strong suit.  And the death of my high-school classmate has weighed on me more than I can describe.

Most of the up & down though, has been the kids.  As they are both adults, I'm hesitant to write too much, especially as health issues are involved.  It's not my story.  I don't want to be overly dramatic, so I will say that overall, everyone is okay and nothing is imminently life threatening.  Follow ups are required, but more than anything else, my kids just need to learn to make better choices as they go through life.  To be honest, sometimes their choices are not only immature, but at times they are downright astonishing.  I'm ready for some "young-adult-drama-free" days in our future.  I'm sure we will get there.

I'm hoping as the days get a little longer, we will all find a few more reasons to smile.  In the meantime, I'm enjoying the coziness of the snow!

An anniversary trip

I know I've been pretty quiet lately.  There has been a lot going on, and most of it is very time-consuming and somewhat emotional.  I'm sure it will all be okay though.  It's just a bit of a rough season of life, coinciding with the rough season of dreary gray January/February.

A week ago though, was our anniversary.  We won't be taking a vacation this year for a variety of reasons.  We decided that we could take a simple weekend (and maybe more than one) instead.  I had seen that the Pro Football Hall of Fame was having a Special Steelers Exhibit, so we decided a trip to Canton was in order!  I booked a very reasonable motel, and we were so excited to make the trip.  It was absolutely the perfect time to get away from the sadness and emotions that are here, and to leave the responsibilities behind, just for forty-eight (not even) hours.  We loved that we had no schedule all weekend.  We could eat when we wanted, sleep when we wanted, drink when we wanted.  The Hall of Fame only took a couple of hours to go through and that gave us time to just hang out.  It was absolutely wonderful, and the time could not have been better! 

The first one always seems to be the hardest

I grew up as a fan of the Cincinnati Reds during the Big Red Machine.  Those were great years, and the eight starters were quite a collection of Hall of Famers (they should ALL be in the hall) and were know as the 'Great Eight'.  I remember how awful it felt when Joe Morgan died, not just because it was sad he had passed away, but because the Great Eight could never be together again, at least on this side of Heaven.  I felt the same way when Matthew Perry passed away in October.  It was not just losing such a part of our culture, but the six Friends could never be together again.  It is happening again, although on a far more personal level.  In high school, I was a stat for the boys' soccer team.  Our team had quite a dynasty going at the time, and was even ranked first in the state at times.  We made it to the state final four twice, regional finals (final 8) our senior year, and regional semi-finals (final 16) once.  Several classmates of mine played varsity as freshman. and the best player on the team was Scotty.  He was was named second-team All American our senior year and went on to play college soccer.  The last regular season game of our senior year, a photographer captured a picture of the nine senior guys who played that year, and they grabbed me to join in the pic.  I love that photo, and it hangs on my wall to this day.  Over a decade after we graduated, Scotty was named head coach, and eventually coached a team not only to the state title game, but to the first state soccer title in school history.  As a teammate said, it was only fitting that the title team was coached by the greatest player who ever wore the uniform.  Two weeks ago, Scotty had an incident that led to him being in a diabetic coma.  We were all encouraged by the progress that was being made, but overnight he had a cardiac event.  He was revived, but doctors confirmed today that he won't be able to recover.  It's heartbreaking.  His father passed away just last week.  I can't imagine how his brother is coping.  I keep looking at that picture from our senior year.  Even though we haven't all been in the same place since the day we graduated, knowing that it can never happen again adds to the sadness.  Prayers to his family.

Our favorite day as a family

As we do every year on this date, we celebrated our family today.  Catherine was especially excited about it, and brought the sweetest gifts and wrote us the most thoughtful notes.  I will treasure it always.  I am always grateful beyond words to be their parents, but as each year passes and we reach this date, the gifts and blessings of being our little family seem even more amazing.  I'll never know how we got so lucky!

This has been a rough day

Today was one of those Wednesdays where I knew I would be working all day.  The Head of School was out which also meant I would be doing a VERY wet carline.  My co-worker and I sat down shortly after carline to begin a meeting about some HR issues, when suddenly there was a knock at the door, and my heart sank as my teary-eyed, 20-year-old son walked in.  I asked what he was doing there, and he informed me he had just been fired.  Oh my goodness, my heart absolutely broke for my sweet son.  He really, really liked his job, but the manager had left about a month ago, and Thomas hadn't really gelled with the guy who was the supervisor.  The manager had really gone to bat for Thomas on several occasions, but that was no longer a level of protection Thomas had without the store manager.  Did Thomas make mistakes?  Of course he did.  He's 19/20 while working there, and is not only new to the industry, but is working his first full time job.  His dismissal "cause" was given that he didn't complete his tasks.  For example, there was a time when hoses were frozen and he couldn't do what he had been asked to do.  He let the supervisor know verbally, but of course, there is no documentation/paper trail.  If my child perfect, was he a perfect worker?  Of course not.  But he always showed up to each shift 20 minutes early, never called off, and seemed to have a good rapport with his co-workers and customers.

My co-workers were wonderful and gave me as much time as I needed with Thomas.  It was such a blessing that the timing of this happened to coincide with Andrew having a plan period, so I was able to call him and put him on speaker phone.  We both told Thomas how proud we are of him for getting a job right after his classes finished and for how hard he worked.  My heart broke for my son, but I was so grateful that we have the relationship we do and that he knew he could go to his mom at a time like that.  I also pointed out to him how proud I am that he didn't go into debt with big dollar signs.  He has lost this job and it stinks, but he's not on the hook for a car payment or anything major.

Later in the day, Thomas received a phone call about the car he purchased the day his job started.  Andrew had gone with him to handle everything, but a month ago it had started making a strange noise.  We had it towed to a dealership because it is still under warranty.  Sure enough though, they are trying to claim neglect on the part of Thomas, which is crazy because he had the vehicle only 60 days before it stopped running right.  He is upset because they are telling him might be on the hook for a MAJOR repair, and he just lost his job.  We've assured him we are here to help, and that is what parents are for.  He didn't just buy a vehicle willy nilly and show up and surprise us.  He researched what he wanted, found a decent deal, and involved us in each step of the way.  Basically, his day has just completely sucked.  Did I mention his fish died also?

As I drove home from work to spend the evening with my kiddo, I really wanted to cry.  Andrew voiced it best when he called (he's working a basketball game this evening), we are so tired of seeing our kids struggle.  They struggled with classes and they've struggled to make friends.  There are times they have struggled with dating choices.  Maybe all parents feel this way, but it sure doesn't feel like it.  My co-worker told me we were so awesome as parents for guiding, and that our kids know they can come to us.  Honestly, it doesn't feel that way at all.  There are so many times it feels they just get dumped on, and I feel like an absolutely lousy parent.  I feel like I haven't helped them figure out how to be successful, and just when I think we are on the right road, a roadblock happens.  I know not every day is going to be rosy for my kids, and I know it isn't my job to fix everything for them.  I just love them so incredibly much and I want them to feel their lives are as blessed as mine has been.  As my mother says, tomorrow this will feel better, and I 100% believe it when I tell Thomas this will all work out.