This time last year we were driving east to visit my in-laws for the new year. I never would've imagined then that I would be sitting in a different house in a different town, and that my father would not longer be with us. Either of those scenarios is more change than I like in a year, let alone having them both occur this year.
As much as I'm ready to start the new year with much happiness, there is a part of me that doesn't want 2013 to end. One reason is that a very dear friend of the family is expected to pass at any moment, and I don't look forward to starting 2014 in that way. The other is that by moving into 2014, I feel like I am leaving my dad behind. No matter what happens this year, my dad won't be here to be a part of any of it, and that is tough.
I am so grateful that we still have until next week for reality to set back in for my family. I am looking forward to a couple of days of hanging out and down time!
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Thursday, December 26, 2013
It was very lovely
In spite of the fact that my father passed away six weeks ago today, I really enjoyed Christmas. I am not at all certain that my mother, grandmother, and sister would agree with my assessment, but having kids helps tremendously. They keep the magic and wonder in the holiday...and keep this mom smiling.
Christmas Eve ended up being almost exactly what I wanted, although there were parts of the day that were tough. Not only did I miss Dad, I was feeling so very alone and a little "lost" in our new town where we really don't know anyone. We went to 3:30 Mass, followed by our annual Chinese food for dinner. After we ate, we drove around neighborhoods in our new town. We loved the fact that in the community park we were able to watch some deer...it was so quiet and there was literally not another vehicle around. When came home, and the kids were able to open their gifts from out-of-town friends, and we gave them the one gift they receive each year from "Mom & Dad"...pajamas! We all curled up on the couch (we recently purchased a new, very large couch) and settled into watch our DVD of "Charlie Brown's Christmas" and the animated "Grinch who Stole Christmas" was on as that ended. I then read 'Twas the Night Before Christmas to everyone and Thomas and Catherine especially, were eager to get to bed.
Everyone was up and at 'em about 8:00 on Christmas morning. The kids were very thrilled with their gifts, and Andrew and I also received so many fun presents. We were able to have a somewhat lazy morning before making the 75 minute drive to my sister's house. Our little immediate family exchanged gifts before aunts/uncles/cousins arrived for dinner. It was pretty much bed time by the time we arrived home, and to be honest, I was equally exhausted.
There were definitely times that I missed Dad and tears would start to form, but overall it was nice. I also know that each day and each year will get easier in terms of him being gone, so this was the toughest one.
Today we are trying to get some things taken care of before we head east to visit Andrew's parents, but we just found out before we leave town we get to sign papers to close the sale on the house tomorrow!
Christmas Eve ended up being almost exactly what I wanted, although there were parts of the day that were tough. Not only did I miss Dad, I was feeling so very alone and a little "lost" in our new town where we really don't know anyone. We went to 3:30 Mass, followed by our annual Chinese food for dinner. After we ate, we drove around neighborhoods in our new town. We loved the fact that in the community park we were able to watch some deer...it was so quiet and there was literally not another vehicle around. When came home, and the kids were able to open their gifts from out-of-town friends, and we gave them the one gift they receive each year from "Mom & Dad"...pajamas! We all curled up on the couch (we recently purchased a new, very large couch) and settled into watch our DVD of "Charlie Brown's Christmas" and the animated "Grinch who Stole Christmas" was on as that ended. I then read 'Twas the Night Before Christmas to everyone and Thomas and Catherine especially, were eager to get to bed.
Everyone was up and at 'em about 8:00 on Christmas morning. The kids were very thrilled with their gifts, and Andrew and I also received so many fun presents. We were able to have a somewhat lazy morning before making the 75 minute drive to my sister's house. Our little immediate family exchanged gifts before aunts/uncles/cousins arrived for dinner. It was pretty much bed time by the time we arrived home, and to be honest, I was equally exhausted.
There were definitely times that I missed Dad and tears would start to form, but overall it was nice. I also know that each day and each year will get easier in terms of him being gone, so this was the toughest one.
Today we are trying to get some things taken care of before we head east to visit Andrew's parents, but we just found out before we leave town we get to sign papers to close the sale on the house tomorrow!
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
All wrapped up
For the first time in probably a decade, every present is wrapped and ready to go. I had to stay up really, really late last night to make that happen, but I am very glad that I did. Andrew was up making a cheesecake for tomorrow's meal at my sister's house, so it isn't like we would've been able to sit and just hang out anyway. I am so very looking forward to our evening tonight when we will both be able to do exactly that!
Christmas Eve
It truly seems unbelievable to me that Christmas Eve is here. This time next week it will be the last day of 2013. As much as I am so very ready to put 2013 behind me, there is also a huge part of me that doesn't want to see it end. There is a part of me that feels like I'm leaving my dad behind by moving on. I know that doesn't make any rational sense, but I also know it's pretty normal.
We started our Christmas on Sunday at my grandmother's house. We had a very nice visit with everyone. My aunt and cousins all live here in our new town (or the next town over), but the 14 of us drove the 75 minutes to my hometown. We understand Grandma wanting to have it at her house, but we have much more room, and it really would make sense for my my sister, mom and grandmother to drive down here in one car instead of the four vehicles it takes for us to go north. Maybe next year!
I think Mom, Grandma, and my sister had a rough day, but I enjoyed the magic of watching my kids enjoy their gifts. It truly is soothing and comforting watching children and the magic of Christmas. Yesterday though, oh yesterday was a tough day. My dad was a very last minute shopper and I remember many phones calls on the 23rd and 24th as he was out searching for the perfect gift. This was especially true once he had grandkids. He loved finding something special that he knew would absolutely delight them.
Today my husband has headed back to my hometown to get pick up something to complete the kids' gifts. Later we are headed to church, and then we are hanging out here at home. We are hoping to watch Charlie Brown and read a few Christmas books. I am so grateful for these amazing children who bring such magic to the holiday!
We started our Christmas on Sunday at my grandmother's house. We had a very nice visit with everyone. My aunt and cousins all live here in our new town (or the next town over), but the 14 of us drove the 75 minutes to my hometown. We understand Grandma wanting to have it at her house, but we have much more room, and it really would make sense for my my sister, mom and grandmother to drive down here in one car instead of the four vehicles it takes for us to go north. Maybe next year!
I think Mom, Grandma, and my sister had a rough day, but I enjoyed the magic of watching my kids enjoy their gifts. It truly is soothing and comforting watching children and the magic of Christmas. Yesterday though, oh yesterday was a tough day. My dad was a very last minute shopper and I remember many phones calls on the 23rd and 24th as he was out searching for the perfect gift. This was especially true once he had grandkids. He loved finding something special that he knew would absolutely delight them.
Today my husband has headed back to my hometown to get pick up something to complete the kids' gifts. Later we are headed to church, and then we are hanging out here at home. We are hoping to watch Charlie Brown and read a few Christmas books. I am so grateful for these amazing children who bring such magic to the holiday!
Friday, December 20, 2013
What we decided about work
Back at the beginning of September, I remember thinking to myself that I couldn't believe I was going to have "four entire months" of being a stay-at-home mom while the kids were at school. I had visions of an amazingly relaxing fall and peace-filled days. Clearly, I was delusional.
In October, I also had a conversation with a friend's mother. She was asking if I had a job here. I explained I would probably go back in January. She mentioned that while everyone talks about being home with the kids when they are little, she feels it is actually more important when they are teens. She had a daughter that was quite a rebellious little thing, and I remember thinking she must know what she's talking about. I didn't though...we weren't really there yet.
Now though, now I get it. I want to be here when the teenagers walk though the door each day. I want them to know that I am here, be it because they need me, need to talk to me, or just so that I'm here and they can't get away with anything.
I really started thinking about this after my father passed away. At that time I was going to talk to Andrew about waiting until February. This has been a tough, tough few months on our family, and I didn't want to add more to our plates. However, after these last couple of weeks with Robert, I changed my mind (and I do not want everyone to be overly concerned...Andrew assures me that he still sees much worse every day from teens, and that part of this is the fact that he is very emotionally immature for his age). I talked to Andrew about staying home for the entire year, and he agreed it might be a good idea. We both know that it means some belt tightening (we can not do a spring break trip and a summer vacation, less eating out, etc.) but since the house sale should be closed within the next few weeks, we can do this. I honestly think this is the best decision for our family!
In October, I also had a conversation with a friend's mother. She was asking if I had a job here. I explained I would probably go back in January. She mentioned that while everyone talks about being home with the kids when they are little, she feels it is actually more important when they are teens. She had a daughter that was quite a rebellious little thing, and I remember thinking she must know what she's talking about. I didn't though...we weren't really there yet.
Now though, now I get it. I want to be here when the teenagers walk though the door each day. I want them to know that I am here, be it because they need me, need to talk to me, or just so that I'm here and they can't get away with anything.
I really started thinking about this after my father passed away. At that time I was going to talk to Andrew about waiting until February. This has been a tough, tough few months on our family, and I didn't want to add more to our plates. However, after these last couple of weeks with Robert, I changed my mind (and I do not want everyone to be overly concerned...Andrew assures me that he still sees much worse every day from teens, and that part of this is the fact that he is very emotionally immature for his age). I talked to Andrew about staying home for the entire year, and he agreed it might be a good idea. We both know that it means some belt tightening (we can not do a spring break trip and a summer vacation, less eating out, etc.) but since the house sale should be closed within the next few weeks, we can do this. I honestly think this is the best decision for our family!
We are on Winter break!
We are all so excited that today is the first day of break...well, almost "all". Andrew still has to work today, but only expects to be there a half day. This family could use some serious down time!
I have never in my life referred to this as "winter" break before. In my childhood hometown and the town from which we just moved it was clearly a "Christmas" break. This town though, is much more diverse and I am grateful that my children experience that.
Sunday begins our official family Christmas celebrations. I am so ready for the holidays!
I have never in my life referred to this as "winter" break before. In my childhood hometown and the town from which we just moved it was clearly a "Christmas" break. This town though, is much more diverse and I am grateful that my children experience that.
Sunday begins our official family Christmas celebrations. I am so ready for the holidays!
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Helluva day
Yesterday was a day, that no matter how much we might like, we aren't going to forget anytime soon. I shall recap.
My day started with catching Robert in a lie. This, sadly, is absolutely nothing new. It has become extreme...lying is more natural to him than telling the truth, and as a parent that scares me. As the day progressed and I was doing some digging into his lie, I found even more deceptions. I called Andrew to ask him if he would make sure he was here when Robert got off the bus so we could discuss it with him together. While I was on the phone with Andrew, I received a call from the realtor that while closing was originally supposed to be yesterday, the loan processing had hit a snag. Remember when I said this particular offer carried more risk? Yepper. Fortunately, this snag is able to over come, but it is delaying the process and is also going to cost us about $1000.
As Andrew walked in the door yesterday, he was on his cell phone with his dad. Andrew's mother had been taken to the local hospital and was being admitted for severe abdominal pain. The "good news" is that she was only a few rooms away from Andrew's brother who has been in the hospital over a month recovering and rehabbing from a stroke he suffered the day after my father passed away. It paralyzed the left side of his body, but fortunately he is making progress. It appears as though my mother-in-law is suffering from a severe kidney infection which required them to go in and attempt to drain the infection, and she also has a kidney stone.
When Robert arrived home, we had a talk, and I honestly felt the situation went as well as it could be expected as that point. He basically understands that we simply have zero tolerance for lying, and he has to figure out a way to start telling the truth. He also understands that he has a long road to go in building trust with us again.
I made a quick dinner of spaghetti because we had some other issues to deal with. I really wanted to do laundry, especially since Thomas had been sick (he stayed home from school yesterday), but our washer had stopped working Friday. I called the people who had been out to repair it Friday (they fixed it, but after two loads Friday evening it stopped working again) and they gave me some suggestions I might try that wouldn't require them coming out again. Andrew started to disconnect the hoses right before dinner, during which Catherine had such a tantrum over being asked to feed the cats that she picked up her stoneware dinner plate of spaghetti and through it across the room, smashing it in to many pieces, but fortunately not hurting anyone or anything else. We informed her that she was going to clean it up which included mopping the floor, and this sent her spiraling into a further tantrum. She did this often as a child, but we rarely see this behavior anymore. Because we were so focused on dealing with that, Andrew forgot about the washing machine. This would not have been a big deal except that when he went back it after we put the kids to bed, we realized that the water to the hoses had not been turned completely off, and therefore we now had standing water in the laundry room. Awesome. We started cleaning that up and I crawled back behind the washer in an attempt to implement some of the suggestions we were given to fix the washer. As I was there, I noticed that I heard dripping in the sunroom. Andrew went to investigate, and sure enough, it seems as though we had an ice jam and water was leaking into the sunroom through the door. We had another little flood in there. Fortunately the room has a tiled floor, but we still had things to clean up in there as well...and we still hadn't finished the laundry room! Andrew went up on the roof to try to clear and clean things (at 9:30!), and I stayed inside to work on clean up.
It was nearly 11:00 when Andrew and I finally sat down last evening to relax with a glass of wine. We both agreed it was a VERY long and trying day, but we also know that most of this was short term stress and that overall life is still pretty good. Still, given the way things had gone, it seemed only fitting that Andrew broke a wine glass as he was turning off the lights in the family room to go to bed!
My day started with catching Robert in a lie. This, sadly, is absolutely nothing new. It has become extreme...lying is more natural to him than telling the truth, and as a parent that scares me. As the day progressed and I was doing some digging into his lie, I found even more deceptions. I called Andrew to ask him if he would make sure he was here when Robert got off the bus so we could discuss it with him together. While I was on the phone with Andrew, I received a call from the realtor that while closing was originally supposed to be yesterday, the loan processing had hit a snag. Remember when I said this particular offer carried more risk? Yepper. Fortunately, this snag is able to over come, but it is delaying the process and is also going to cost us about $1000.
As Andrew walked in the door yesterday, he was on his cell phone with his dad. Andrew's mother had been taken to the local hospital and was being admitted for severe abdominal pain. The "good news" is that she was only a few rooms away from Andrew's brother who has been in the hospital over a month recovering and rehabbing from a stroke he suffered the day after my father passed away. It paralyzed the left side of his body, but fortunately he is making progress. It appears as though my mother-in-law is suffering from a severe kidney infection which required them to go in and attempt to drain the infection, and she also has a kidney stone.
When Robert arrived home, we had a talk, and I honestly felt the situation went as well as it could be expected as that point. He basically understands that we simply have zero tolerance for lying, and he has to figure out a way to start telling the truth. He also understands that he has a long road to go in building trust with us again.
I made a quick dinner of spaghetti because we had some other issues to deal with. I really wanted to do laundry, especially since Thomas had been sick (he stayed home from school yesterday), but our washer had stopped working Friday. I called the people who had been out to repair it Friday (they fixed it, but after two loads Friday evening it stopped working again) and they gave me some suggestions I might try that wouldn't require them coming out again. Andrew started to disconnect the hoses right before dinner, during which Catherine had such a tantrum over being asked to feed the cats that she picked up her stoneware dinner plate of spaghetti and through it across the room, smashing it in to many pieces, but fortunately not hurting anyone or anything else. We informed her that she was going to clean it up which included mopping the floor, and this sent her spiraling into a further tantrum. She did this often as a child, but we rarely see this behavior anymore. Because we were so focused on dealing with that, Andrew forgot about the washing machine. This would not have been a big deal except that when he went back it after we put the kids to bed, we realized that the water to the hoses had not been turned completely off, and therefore we now had standing water in the laundry room. Awesome. We started cleaning that up and I crawled back behind the washer in an attempt to implement some of the suggestions we were given to fix the washer. As I was there, I noticed that I heard dripping in the sunroom. Andrew went to investigate, and sure enough, it seems as though we had an ice jam and water was leaking into the sunroom through the door. We had another little flood in there. Fortunately the room has a tiled floor, but we still had things to clean up in there as well...and we still hadn't finished the laundry room! Andrew went up on the roof to try to clear and clean things (at 9:30!), and I stayed inside to work on clean up.
It was nearly 11:00 when Andrew and I finally sat down last evening to relax with a glass of wine. We both agreed it was a VERY long and trying day, but we also know that most of this was short term stress and that overall life is still pretty good. Still, given the way things had gone, it seemed only fitting that Andrew broke a wine glass as he was turning off the lights in the family room to go to bed!
Monday, December 16, 2013
Yet another snow day
This is the first time I can ever remember using three snow days before Winter has even had its official beginning! Andrew had mentioned last night he thought there might be a delay, and that was the first call. They waited as long as they possibly could to decide to close, but that was the final verdict. It appears as though it was a good idea too, based on the roads.
I'm very grateful it worked out that the schools are closed. Thomas is a sick little guy. He has an absolutely horrible cough and has vomited twice. I am pretty sure that the vomiting is due to phlegm and gagging from the cough. He is currently resting comfortably on the couch watching TV and sipping some liquids. I am glad that he is able to stay home and just "be" today. Because of the school policy it is very difficult to keep a child home without a doctor note, but I am not a person who rushes to the doctor at the first sign of an issue, especially when it is starting as a cold. Just grateful that I didn't have to make that decision!
I'm very grateful it worked out that the schools are closed. Thomas is a sick little guy. He has an absolutely horrible cough and has vomited twice. I am pretty sure that the vomiting is due to phlegm and gagging from the cough. He is currently resting comfortably on the couch watching TV and sipping some liquids. I am glad that he is able to stay home and just "be" today. Because of the school policy it is very difficult to keep a child home without a doctor note, but I am not a person who rushes to the doctor at the first sign of an issue, especially when it is starting as a cold. Just grateful that I didn't have to make that decision!
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
There just seem to be so many
The evening that my father passed away, Mom's very dear friend, Deb, was with her almost instantaneously. She was at the house for hours with my mom that evening, and took over answering phone calls and helped to notify other friends and family. Today, she lost another dear friend. My mom's life long best friend, Marilyn, rushed in to be with my mother when Deb called her. Marilyn and her husband John took care of so many things for my family over that weekend. Marilyn's mother is currently in the hospital (in her 80's) battling pneumonia and struggling. In addition, the weekend after my father passed, Marilyn's daughter Sarah stood with her best friend as they buried the best friend's father. Sarah refers to us as her "other family", and dealing with both the death of my father and her best friend's father was so tough on her...now she prays (as we all do) for her grandmother.
And of course, there is also my dad's "other family"...the Allen family with whom he worked for over 30 years. He was a second father to the kids, and just six weeks after they buried their own father they mourned my dad as well.
It just seems as though so many who mourned and grieved with us, and supported us day and night, keep hurting. It just seems as though there are so many hurting...so much hurt going around at the holidays just doesn't seem right.
And of course, there is also my dad's "other family"...the Allen family with whom he worked for over 30 years. He was a second father to the kids, and just six weeks after they buried their own father they mourned my dad as well.
It just seems as though so many who mourned and grieved with us, and supported us day and night, keep hurting. It just seems as though there are so many hurting...so much hurt going around at the holidays just doesn't seem right.
Random Wednesday thoughts
Everyone is back at school again today, although it is early release day. I, as always, should be productive, and yet here, again, I sit on the computer. It is called denial...and I am currently okay with it.
Our washing machine has stopped working. This in itself is a pain, but the stoppage occurred with a leak...or more like a gushing as the entire drum of water ended up all over our laundry room floor. Not good! The service man is coming out on Friday. We should be able to hold out on laundry until then, and if for some reason we can not, the students are leaving town this week so the laundry mat should be less crowded. There is also my aunt's house if I get really desperate.
I currently have the TV on the other room...to some children's cartoon that Thomas was watching before we caught the bus (and man is it COLD out there!). Normally I prefer silence, but today I find goofy little voices to be comforting. Ever since my dad died, my mother has had the TV on and her days seem to consist of NCIS marathons. She isn't watching them, but she enjoys the noise in the house. It was also my dad's favorite show, and I think it's what she's used to hearing during the days.
Two weeks from today is Christmas. For the most part, I am ready, but I have just a few more gifts that need to be purchased. I had thought about venturing out today, but clearly it is going to be an on-line day if anything at all. And tomorrow will be colder so I definitely won't be going out tomorrow. It will all work out...I refuse to allow myself to worry about it.
I am so grateful that Andrew's commute is now only ten minutes. It is one less thing for me to worry about, and these days I just seem full in the worry and stress department
Our washing machine has stopped working. This in itself is a pain, but the stoppage occurred with a leak...or more like a gushing as the entire drum of water ended up all over our laundry room floor. Not good! The service man is coming out on Friday. We should be able to hold out on laundry until then, and if for some reason we can not, the students are leaving town this week so the laundry mat should be less crowded. There is also my aunt's house if I get really desperate.
I currently have the TV on the other room...to some children's cartoon that Thomas was watching before we caught the bus (and man is it COLD out there!). Normally I prefer silence, but today I find goofy little voices to be comforting. Ever since my dad died, my mother has had the TV on and her days seem to consist of NCIS marathons. She isn't watching them, but she enjoys the noise in the house. It was also my dad's favorite show, and I think it's what she's used to hearing during the days.
Two weeks from today is Christmas. For the most part, I am ready, but I have just a few more gifts that need to be purchased. I had thought about venturing out today, but clearly it is going to be an on-line day if anything at all. And tomorrow will be colder so I definitely won't be going out tomorrow. It will all work out...I refuse to allow myself to worry about it.
I am so grateful that Andrew's commute is now only ten minutes. It is one less thing for me to worry about, and these days I just seem full in the worry and stress department
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
A very unexpected snow day
We are all home again today. Apparently Andrew and I need to learn to pay more attention to the weather because we were rather stunned. We aren't complaining though...as we've said before...snow days are like having the gift of time!
I really should be productive, but to be totally honest, I tend to be much more productive with an empty house. Laundry, however, is not optional today so I better get started!
I really should be productive, but to be totally honest, I tend to be much more productive with an empty house. Laundry, however, is not optional today so I better get started!
Monday, December 9, 2013
Feeling blessed...and praying
I have been doing lots of extra praying right now. I know that God never gives you more than you can handle, but I just don't feel that I (or several people I know and love) have a lot of extra emotional reserve right now.
Early last week the mother of one of our very dear family friends entered the hospital. At first it didn't seem to be a big deal, but by Wednesday she was diagnosed with pneumonia and transferred to the ICU. She seemed to be progressing, little by little, and we were grateful for any progress regardless of how little. Yesterday though, wasn't as good, and I'm a little worried. Not only is it the holiday season, but losing my Dad was so hard on all of them, especially since it was the second dear friend they lost that week. I can't imagine losing Granny right now as well.
I've just learned about another family member though. My (paternal) grandmother's sister was admitted to the hospital yesterday with congestive heart failure and fluid in the lungs. I understand that she is 86 and has lived a good life. However, my grandmother just buried her son three weeks ago (which no mother should have to endure). She should not have to suffer another great loss so soon, and again, not here at the holidays.
While praying for these extended family members, I've also felt so very blessed, and extremely grateful. While I miss my dad a lot, I'm also so very grateful that he is no longer suffering, and I'm grateful that he passed peacefully. I am grateful that experiences over our lives allowed he and I to have conversations that helped me to know how he would want us to live on, and I'm grateful to know that we were absolutely loved unconditionally. Our move has been so beneficial for the kids (even if tough on me, it's been very good for Andrew & the kids, and I am grateful for that), and our new home provides many advantages over our old one. I am truly amazed at how things have come together over the last six months, and it has strengthened my faith tremendously. I have no doubt that we are exactly where we are supposed to be, and I'm grateful for that feeling of peace.
Counting today, only nine more school days until Christmas break. Goodness, it's all gone so very fast!
Early last week the mother of one of our very dear family friends entered the hospital. At first it didn't seem to be a big deal, but by Wednesday she was diagnosed with pneumonia and transferred to the ICU. She seemed to be progressing, little by little, and we were grateful for any progress regardless of how little. Yesterday though, wasn't as good, and I'm a little worried. Not only is it the holiday season, but losing my Dad was so hard on all of them, especially since it was the second dear friend they lost that week. I can't imagine losing Granny right now as well.
I've just learned about another family member though. My (paternal) grandmother's sister was admitted to the hospital yesterday with congestive heart failure and fluid in the lungs. I understand that she is 86 and has lived a good life. However, my grandmother just buried her son three weeks ago (which no mother should have to endure). She should not have to suffer another great loss so soon, and again, not here at the holidays.
While praying for these extended family members, I've also felt so very blessed, and extremely grateful. While I miss my dad a lot, I'm also so very grateful that he is no longer suffering, and I'm grateful that he passed peacefully. I am grateful that experiences over our lives allowed he and I to have conversations that helped me to know how he would want us to live on, and I'm grateful to know that we were absolutely loved unconditionally. Our move has been so beneficial for the kids (even if tough on me, it's been very good for Andrew & the kids, and I am grateful for that), and our new home provides many advantages over our old one. I am truly amazed at how things have come together over the last six months, and it has strengthened my faith tremendously. I have no doubt that we are exactly where we are supposed to be, and I'm grateful for that feeling of peace.
Counting today, only nine more school days until Christmas break. Goodness, it's all gone so very fast!
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Five years of blogging
Five years ago today I began this blog. I love that there are so many fun little memories recorded here. It's fun to look back and read them.
Friday was a fun day in this house. We were the "big winners" according to the local news with 7" of snow. The kids played outside for hours. I wish I had taken some pics of them having so much fun.
We found out this week that our buyer's loan has been approved. We had a few things still at the old house so we borrowed my uncle's truck and made the trip over. We got almost everything out, and I'm confidant it will work out in the next nine days to go get the rest, although it won't be today as it is flurrying again and we are all going to stay home.
I am pretty sure that life if feeling as peaceful as it possibly can right now!
Friday was a fun day in this house. We were the "big winners" according to the local news with 7" of snow. The kids played outside for hours. I wish I had taken some pics of them having so much fun.
We found out this week that our buyer's loan has been approved. We had a few things still at the old house so we borrowed my uncle's truck and made the trip over. We got almost everything out, and I'm confidant it will work out in the next nine days to go get the rest, although it won't be today as it is flurrying again and we are all going to stay home.
I am pretty sure that life if feeling as peaceful as it possibly can right now!
Friday, December 6, 2013
Our first snowday in this house
At 5:00 the phone call came that there would be no school today. I was very pleased! It actually wasn't that bad at that time, but it was supposed to get much worse as the day progressed. Even trying to get a day in and having the kids go home on a two hour early release would mean Thomas was on the bus until at least 2:30. Based on the conditions now, still four hours prior, I am very grateful that everyone is home! The snow is really starting to pick up, and I will admit, this is one of the nicer things about not living in town...it is very pretty here!
The downside, of course, to not living in town is that we can no long walk to the nearby diner for breakfast on snow day. Andrew is hoping to make pancakes, but honestly, no one is really in a hurry to start the day. I can't blame them. The nice thing about a snow day on Friday is that it leads right into the weekend!
The downside, of course, to not living in town is that we can no long walk to the nearby diner for breakfast on snow day. Andrew is hoping to make pancakes, but honestly, no one is really in a hurry to start the day. I can't blame them. The nice thing about a snow day on Friday is that it leads right into the weekend!
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Waiting for the storm
We are under a winter storm warning here...the first of the season! We are forecasted to receive anywhere from 1 to 12 inches of snow. You read that correctly...that is exactly what the local meteorologist told us at the 5:00 news! It all boils down to at what point the freezing rain/sleet turns over to snow. Regardless, I am optimistic there will be a snow day tomorrow. My family could certainly used some unscheduled down time.
I went and visited my mom again today. I am trying to make sure that I see her once a week or so. She is an incredibly strong person, and I know that she is surrounded by friends and family, all of whom are very supportive. But I want her to know that I'm here too, and I am enjoying sharing memories of Dad.
I think we both had a bit of a rough day. She is mired in the chores/errands that are required in terms of delivering death certificates, etc. I just sometimes don't know how I'm supposed to feel about things. I visited the cemetery, and was somewhat sorry that I did. My faith tells me that my Dad isn't really there, and yet the thought that he was buried under that pile of dirt made me want to vomit. I think it will be easier as grass grows over it and time has passed.
Since we've known this storm is coming, I got LOTS of Christmas shopping done this week. I am almost completely done and am looking forward to moving onto wrapping and enjoying the season!
I went and visited my mom again today. I am trying to make sure that I see her once a week or so. She is an incredibly strong person, and I know that she is surrounded by friends and family, all of whom are very supportive. But I want her to know that I'm here too, and I am enjoying sharing memories of Dad.
I think we both had a bit of a rough day. She is mired in the chores/errands that are required in terms of delivering death certificates, etc. I just sometimes don't know how I'm supposed to feel about things. I visited the cemetery, and was somewhat sorry that I did. My faith tells me that my Dad isn't really there, and yet the thought that he was buried under that pile of dirt made me want to vomit. I think it will be easier as grass grows over it and time has passed.
Since we've known this storm is coming, I got LOTS of Christmas shopping done this week. I am almost completely done and am looking forward to moving onto wrapping and enjoying the season!
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Weekend family fun
We had a very nice weekend here. Friday after my in-laws left my husband spent hours getting an antique toy Lionel train to work. He was finally successful (after three trips to a hobby store) and we got the trees put up that evening. With my horrible head cold, that was all I could manage and we called it an early evening...until we realized Garth Brooks was on TV. He is pretty much my all-time favorite singer! The kids stayed up with us and we all sat and watched the show...I loved sharing it with them.
Yesterday was our favorite football game of the year...Ohio State vs. Michigan. We expected a blow-out and got exactly the opposite. OSU won a one point game when Michigan elected to go for the win on a two point conversion at the end and didn't make it. I thought that was a great finish until I was watching the end of the Auburn vs. Alabama game. HOLY SH*T! As OSU fans we are almost as happy as Auburn fans! The BCS just got interesting!!!
Today Andrew is leaving for school trip. I was livid when I realized (just last weekend) that it was this weekend. Who takes people away from their families at the end of the holiday? I always thought it was bad enough that they did it in December, but this is ridiculous. The fact that there was a miscommunication and didn't learn until last week that it was this weekend made it tremendously much worse. As I've explained to Andrew, there just isn't a lot of leeway in my emotions. I'm not constantly sad, but I just don't have a lot of emotional stamina to deal with other things. He's been gone 45 minutes and I'm ready for him to come home.
My cold is better, and the house is mostly decorated. Time to start putting stuff away and getting back to reality of school days!
Yesterday was our favorite football game of the year...Ohio State vs. Michigan. We expected a blow-out and got exactly the opposite. OSU won a one point game when Michigan elected to go for the win on a two point conversion at the end and didn't make it. I thought that was a great finish until I was watching the end of the Auburn vs. Alabama game. HOLY SH*T! As OSU fans we are almost as happy as Auburn fans! The BCS just got interesting!!!
Today Andrew is leaving for school trip. I was livid when I realized (just last weekend) that it was this weekend. Who takes people away from their families at the end of the holiday? I always thought it was bad enough that they did it in December, but this is ridiculous. The fact that there was a miscommunication and didn't learn until last week that it was this weekend made it tremendously much worse. As I've explained to Andrew, there just isn't a lot of leeway in my emotions. I'm not constantly sad, but I just don't have a lot of emotional stamina to deal with other things. He's been gone 45 minutes and I'm ready for him to come home.
My cold is better, and the house is mostly decorated. Time to start putting stuff away and getting back to reality of school days!
Friday, November 29, 2013
How it's been
This has been a nice holiday weekend. We have enjoyed having my in-laws here, although I am somewhat grateful that they are leaving today. I don't feel well at all, and I'm just not really sure what we would do with them if they stayed today. It's been truly wonderful to have them here though, and four weeks from today we'll be making the trek east ourselves for Christmas with them.
I had been somewhat apprehensive how I was going to feel about things. Thanksgiving was wonderful though. My aunt hosted 30 family members and close friends, and honestly, I truly enjoyed myself. The nine great-grandkids were all together and we even got a picture of them with my grandmother. I treasured watching all of the kids play together, and Robert was so very tolerant of the very little ones. As the oldest grandchild myself I remembered those days, and I was proud of him. I loved catching up with my cousins and I must say, everyone married well! The in-laws have truly brought much joy to our family! I am so grateful to my aunt and uncle who so graciously open their home to so many!
I've been wondering how the holidays were going to feel, and I've often felt surprised by how sad I don't feel. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that Thanksgiving is not really a holiday I associated with my Dad. Christmas will be another story. That man absolutely loved Christmas. As with so many examples I've learned over the last several weeks, giving was one of my father's greatest joys, and Christmas allowed him to really get carried away. He loved decorating and driving around to see the lights, and he loved Christmas music...especially Mitch miller. So yeah, Christmas is going to be the tough one.
At the same time, I also recognize that I've been grieving my father for nearly a decade. Selling the cottage was, in some ways, our loss of him. That had been our place and our time with him. We were really the only ones who used it except him, and he loved having us there. I can remember him telling us after we had spent a day there, "You don't know how much I've enjoyed this." In the last year, we hadn't been able to go out to eat with him and since early summer, even visiting at the house was tough. There had been very, very few phone calls, and the email exchanges that used to go on and on had ended months ago. He just wasn't up to it. I know we've been losing my father little by little for years, but since April, he had been gone in so many ways. As I've told Andrew, I've grieved so many times over the years, and especially over the last few months. I also have faith that allows me to believe he is no longer suffering and is in a better place. I can accept that without question.
Today after my in-laws leave we are going to put up the decorations, especially the tree. As much as my dad loved Christmas, I know I'm going to feel him here with me today. It may be tough at times, but Dad would want us to celebrate and be happy!
I had been somewhat apprehensive how I was going to feel about things. Thanksgiving was wonderful though. My aunt hosted 30 family members and close friends, and honestly, I truly enjoyed myself. The nine great-grandkids were all together and we even got a picture of them with my grandmother. I treasured watching all of the kids play together, and Robert was so very tolerant of the very little ones. As the oldest grandchild myself I remembered those days, and I was proud of him. I loved catching up with my cousins and I must say, everyone married well! The in-laws have truly brought much joy to our family! I am so grateful to my aunt and uncle who so graciously open their home to so many!
I've been wondering how the holidays were going to feel, and I've often felt surprised by how sad I don't feel. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that Thanksgiving is not really a holiday I associated with my Dad. Christmas will be another story. That man absolutely loved Christmas. As with so many examples I've learned over the last several weeks, giving was one of my father's greatest joys, and Christmas allowed him to really get carried away. He loved decorating and driving around to see the lights, and he loved Christmas music...especially Mitch miller. So yeah, Christmas is going to be the tough one.
At the same time, I also recognize that I've been grieving my father for nearly a decade. Selling the cottage was, in some ways, our loss of him. That had been our place and our time with him. We were really the only ones who used it except him, and he loved having us there. I can remember him telling us after we had spent a day there, "You don't know how much I've enjoyed this." In the last year, we hadn't been able to go out to eat with him and since early summer, even visiting at the house was tough. There had been very, very few phone calls, and the email exchanges that used to go on and on had ended months ago. He just wasn't up to it. I know we've been losing my father little by little for years, but since April, he had been gone in so many ways. As I've told Andrew, I've grieved so many times over the years, and especially over the last few months. I also have faith that allows me to believe he is no longer suffering and is in a better place. I can accept that without question.
Today after my in-laws leave we are going to put up the decorations, especially the tree. As much as my dad loved Christmas, I know I'm going to feel him here with me today. It may be tough at times, but Dad would want us to celebrate and be happy!
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Thanksgiving morning
While my in-laws are here, they sleep in our bed and Andrew and I set up camp in Catherine's room. And since I sleep on a cot, it literally does feel like camping. Anyway, shortly after 7:00 this morning, we both got up because neither of us could sleep. I'm not sure why Andrew couldn't sleep, but for me I'm battling a head cold/possible sinus infection and it just wasn't going to let me go back to sleep. I am sure I will pay for this tonight and will end up missing the Steelers/Ravens game!
But I must admit, it certainly is nice and quiet and peaceful here. I love that our large bay picture window in the front of our house has a side that faces the southeast...perfect for watching the sun rise this time of year.
In spite of the stress of the last month, I am so grateful for so many things...more things than I can list. Family, friends, and the grace of God are very high on the list though...and are an amazing blessing everyday.
I hope that everyone has a peaceful and Happy Thanksgiving!
But I must admit, it certainly is nice and quiet and peaceful here. I love that our large bay picture window in the front of our house has a side that faces the southeast...perfect for watching the sun rise this time of year.
In spite of the stress of the last month, I am so grateful for so many things...more things than I can list. Family, friends, and the grace of God are very high on the list though...and are an amazing blessing everyday.
I hope that everyone has a peaceful and Happy Thanksgiving!
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
They are on their way
My in-laws had been planning for quite some time to come here for Thanksgiving and join my large extended family on my mother's side for the meal tomorrow. Even after my brother-in-law's stroke of a couple of weeks ago, they were still hoping to come and see the grandkids, although they probably won't stay as long. Watching the forecast though, we were becoming rather concerned. My father-in-law is 78, and just not as confidant and comfortable on the roads as he used to be. By last evening we were pretty convinced that it wasn't going to happen, and we were planning a trip there next weekend as a back up.
However, we woke up to pleasant news this morning! The storm had not tracked quite as expected and their area had not been hit nearly as badly as original predictions. They left about 11:00 this morning and should arrive before dinner this evening. We are so excited that they can still join us!
However, we woke up to pleasant news this morning! The storm had not tracked quite as expected and their area had not been hit nearly as badly as original predictions. They left about 11:00 this morning and should arrive before dinner this evening. We are so excited that they can still join us!
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Tributes
There have been so many tributes paid to my dad that we have all been astounded. Of course I knew that my dad was a special and wonderful man, but we have truly been overwhelmed by others who have shared with us that they felt the same way. There was a tribute article in our hometown newspaper this past weekend, and people from near and far have sent messages to our family. There were over 320 people who stood in line at his visitation, some for nearly an hour. My friend from Chicago was coming for my birthday celebration and decided to stay through the services. Another friend whom I haven't seen in over seven years surprised me by driving over an hour from her home near Columbus to pay her respects. That brought me to tears. I think the thing that truly touched me is that my father was a hugely successful businessman, but that isn't at all what people talked about as they chatted with us. People told us how kind, gentle, and generous he was, and that no one, even going back to his high school days, had every heard anyone say an unkind word about him. Those that are in my generation talked about what my dad had taught them...not only kindness and fairness, but his second-to-none work ethic. Here we are, nearly 12 days removed, and we are still getting messages, cards, and condolences.
My mom mentioned to me the other day that Dad would be shocked to see all of this. My father did everything in his life "behind the scenes." If he were alive right now he would be pulling someone aside and telling them this nonsense needed to stop right now.
This had been a rough 12 days, but honestly, in some ways, not as awful as I had always anticipated it being. I'm sure some things will hit me at times, and certain dates will be difficult. But knowing that my father touched the lives of so many in such an amazingly positive way has provided such a great deal of comfort!
My mom mentioned to me the other day that Dad would be shocked to see all of this. My father did everything in his life "behind the scenes." If he were alive right now he would be pulling someone aside and telling them this nonsense needed to stop right now.
This had been a rough 12 days, but honestly, in some ways, not as awful as I had always anticipated it being. I'm sure some things will hit me at times, and certain dates will be difficult. But knowing that my father touched the lives of so many in such an amazingly positive way has provided such a great deal of comfort!
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Last visit
Three weeks ago I vividly remember standing in our bathroom getting ready to drive to my hometown and go to my parents' house. I remember how much I really didn't want to go. I had only been finished working at our old house for about two weeks and still felt like there was so much to do here at the new one so that we weren't constantly living among boxes. And the fact that we had moved further away meant that the entire thing was going to take an hour longer in the car than it would've if we had lived at our house...I wanted to just stay home.
And then I mentally scolded myself. I should be grateful that I could help my parents, and even more grateful that my dad was still here. Mom made a pot of sloppy joe's for lunch, and the kids occupied themselves watching TV and playing with some toys there. Andrew and I, with some help from Robert, spent the day moving furniture around and doing some other little odd jobs that would help them out. My dad was having a fairly good day, and even came in and sat with us for awhile. At one point we all kind of became slap-happy, and I remember thinking how good it felt for all of us to be laughing.
As it turns out, that was the last time I ever got to see Dad. I regret that he was asleep when we left, but I did get to talk to him on the phone one more time after that (although I was in the process of losing my cell signal and that was less than ideal as well). Strangely, the memory of looking into his room and seeing him sleeping is absolutely seared into my memory. I am eternally grateful that our last visit was full of so much laughter...I take great comfort in that.
And then I mentally scolded myself. I should be grateful that I could help my parents, and even more grateful that my dad was still here. Mom made a pot of sloppy joe's for lunch, and the kids occupied themselves watching TV and playing with some toys there. Andrew and I, with some help from Robert, spent the day moving furniture around and doing some other little odd jobs that would help them out. My dad was having a fairly good day, and even came in and sat with us for awhile. At one point we all kind of became slap-happy, and I remember thinking how good it felt for all of us to be laughing.
As it turns out, that was the last time I ever got to see Dad. I regret that he was asleep when we left, but I did get to talk to him on the phone one more time after that (although I was in the process of losing my cell signal and that was less than ideal as well). Strangely, the memory of looking into his room and seeing him sleeping is absolutely seared into my memory. I am eternally grateful that our last visit was full of so much laughter...I take great comfort in that.
Friday, November 22, 2013
The beginning of the holidays
As far as I am concerned, the official beginning of the holidays is this weekend...the weekend before Thanksgiving. When Michigan and OSU played on this weekend, it really was a holiday in our house! Now they don't play until next week which I don't really like as much...so much going on next weekend! I am looking forward to celebrating and sharing time with family next weekend. I know there are going to be some tough moments, but overall I'm excited about the holiday season coming!
Hoping it ends just as it began
A year ago today, Catherine's classmate Grace passed away. Her family has grieved with such strength it has amazed me every day. Having just lived it, I am certain her family also felt grateful she was no longer suffering, but I can not imagine losing a child.
Since Grace's passing, we have also lost my great-uncle, my aunt's mother, a friend's father, my father's best friend, and now my dad. On top of that, one of our cats died, we moved and I had to give up a job that I loved, the kids have switched schools, Andrew's brother had a stroke last week, and there was some drama last spring involving our children. That's a lot in just a year folks.
When I was in high school, my tiny hometown lost nine teenagers to car accidents...that was a HUGE amount. I remember when Jeannette died. Of the nine, the was the last one and the one I personally was closest to. I remember gathering with friends and thinking to myself, "this is it. This will be the last one. We can't take anymore." I am grateful that it was five years before another tragedy of that type befell our community.
I kind of feel that way now. Overall, I recognize that our family is still amazingly blessed, and I experience gratitude on a daily basis. At the same time, I am done. This needs to be the end. While last year's Thanksgiving was the beginning of a cycle of stress and sadness, I am completely confidant that this year's Thanksgiving is the beginning of a cycle of healing.
Since Grace's passing, we have also lost my great-uncle, my aunt's mother, a friend's father, my father's best friend, and now my dad. On top of that, one of our cats died, we moved and I had to give up a job that I loved, the kids have switched schools, Andrew's brother had a stroke last week, and there was some drama last spring involving our children. That's a lot in just a year folks.
When I was in high school, my tiny hometown lost nine teenagers to car accidents...that was a HUGE amount. I remember when Jeannette died. Of the nine, the was the last one and the one I personally was closest to. I remember gathering with friends and thinking to myself, "this is it. This will be the last one. We can't take anymore." I am grateful that it was five years before another tragedy of that type befell our community.
I kind of feel that way now. Overall, I recognize that our family is still amazingly blessed, and I experience gratitude on a daily basis. At the same time, I am done. This needs to be the end. While last year's Thanksgiving was the beginning of a cycle of stress and sadness, I am completely confidant that this year's Thanksgiving is the beginning of a cycle of healing.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
This time last week
At almost this exact time last week, I was on the phone with one of my best friends telling them my father has passed away. Chad and I have been friends since 1992, our fathers graduated from high school together and our grandmothers worked together...so yeah, he kind of knows our family. He was as stunned as the rest of us. It seems so odd to say Dad's death was unexpected, but it truly was...at least right then. He had been released from the hospital the day before. I had talked to my mom in the middle of the day Thursday, and she told me Dad was having a great day. He had awakened on his own, and was up and moving around more than he'd been in quite a while. My mom went in a little before 7:30, and Dad was non-responsive. She called the squad, thinking he had lost consciousness. We were in the middle of parent teacher conferences and I had at first, ignored her call. After all, Dad was having a great day. When Andrew's cell phone then rang I knew immediately it was awful. At that time she thought we should probably meet her at he hospital. I told her I'd go home and drop Andrew off and come up. I called her as we were leaving the school and she said she couldn't talk and would call right back. She called ten minutes later and choked out my name then said, "He's gone." I remember saying, "What? What happened?" She said she didn't know if it was a stroke or heart attack, she didn't know. I told her we'd get things together and I'd be up there as soon as I could. She said to bring the kids, and since it is about a 75 minute drive and already nearly 8:00, it was evident they weren't going to school the next day.
I know that we were all pretty much in shock. I think Andrew and his mother, when he called her, were the ones that cried the most. I know with certainty that I was numb...I was in crisis plan mode. My family needed me and I was going to come through. Not even the kids cried. I'm not sure I understand that necessarily, but at the same time this has been an inevitable fact of life for them since they've been able to remember.
In spite of my sadness, there are so many things for which I am grateful. Selfishly, I am grateful Dad didn't die in a hospital. I know it had to be awful for my mom, but I am grateful that he passed right there in his own bed, and even though Mom wasn't right there she was nearby. There were no outward signs of trauma to his body, and we are all grateful that his passing seemed to be peaceful. I am grateful that it happened last week and not this week. As it was it was too close to Thanksgiving. However, by then, another week will have passed and I am grateful we didn't have funeral and holiday all in the same week. I am grateful that the last visit we had together was full of much laughter. I am grateful that he hung on long enough for the kids to be situated in their new schools. They are settled and comfortable and have their own support systems there. As absolutely bizarre as this may sound, I am grateful that he didn't hang on until January. As tough as the holidays are going to be, in my heart I truly believe it would've been worse knowing that we were celebrating and he was to weak and sick to join us. And more than anything, I am incredibly grateful that he is no longer suffering. He fought valiantly for 17 years. He recently had told Andrew that his doctor told him that he had lived longer with this disease than anyone in the country. He fought everyday to enjoy life, and on most days I think he would tell you he won.
There will be a few more posts in the next couple of days about Dad, but many of them will be, I hope, uplifting. We have been surrounded by an unbelievable support system, near and far. I have truly, truly, truly, been amazed at it all. I am so proud of my Dad...he touched more people's lives than I even knew!
I know that we were all pretty much in shock. I think Andrew and his mother, when he called her, were the ones that cried the most. I know with certainty that I was numb...I was in crisis plan mode. My family needed me and I was going to come through. Not even the kids cried. I'm not sure I understand that necessarily, but at the same time this has been an inevitable fact of life for them since they've been able to remember.
In spite of my sadness, there are so many things for which I am grateful. Selfishly, I am grateful Dad didn't die in a hospital. I know it had to be awful for my mom, but I am grateful that he passed right there in his own bed, and even though Mom wasn't right there she was nearby. There were no outward signs of trauma to his body, and we are all grateful that his passing seemed to be peaceful. I am grateful that it happened last week and not this week. As it was it was too close to Thanksgiving. However, by then, another week will have passed and I am grateful we didn't have funeral and holiday all in the same week. I am grateful that the last visit we had together was full of much laughter. I am grateful that he hung on long enough for the kids to be situated in their new schools. They are settled and comfortable and have their own support systems there. As absolutely bizarre as this may sound, I am grateful that he didn't hang on until January. As tough as the holidays are going to be, in my heart I truly believe it would've been worse knowing that we were celebrating and he was to weak and sick to join us. And more than anything, I am incredibly grateful that he is no longer suffering. He fought valiantly for 17 years. He recently had told Andrew that his doctor told him that he had lived longer with this disease than anyone in the country. He fought everyday to enjoy life, and on most days I think he would tell you he won.
There will be a few more posts in the next couple of days about Dad, but many of them will be, I hope, uplifting. We have been surrounded by an unbelievable support system, near and far. I have truly, truly, truly, been amazed at it all. I am so proud of my Dad...he touched more people's lives than I even knew!
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Moving forward
As of this afternoon, my life without my father begins. I know he passed Thursday evening, but since then I've been focusing on getting through today. The funeral was this morning, and I was to speak. So in many ways, my new reality begins now. I am absolutely and completely exhausted, and I know that is okay. Our family has been astounded by all of the love and support shown to our family. I hope to get back on here and post about it as the days come along. And they won't be overly sad posts either...my dad was truly a happy man and I hold on to that. As I said before, there are so many blessings and I am grateful for each one.
Friday, November 15, 2013
I purposely left this post without a title, because there simply isn't one that would do it justice. My dad passed away last night. While I am sadder than I have ever been in my life, I am still grateful for so many blessings, and I acknowledge that so many prayers have been answered. I am amazed and overwhelmed at the outpouring of support in just the 12 hours that he has been gone. I am mentally and physically exhausted (only three hours of sleep last night), but know that he is at peace and no longer suffering.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
First snowfall
This morning we've had our first accumulating snow of the season. Andrew and I have discussed how different winter will be here because for both of us, we've lived our entire lives in town. For the last ten years, we've been right downtown, and in my entire life I've always lived within about three blocks of the downtown business district. So, a little neighborhood in the country is a different feel for us in every way, and winter is no exception. We've discussed that when there are really bad storms forecasted we actually have to prepare. Our road will NOT be the first one plowed and if our power goes out, we will NOT be among the first restored.
But our neighborhood is also a very quiet, wooded community. I have two large windows, one in the living room facing the front, and one in the family room facing the back yard and the wooded area. While this snow is accumulating, it's also very light and early enough in the season that it didn't stick to the roads (at least this far south). So we have a gorgeous view of untouched winter wonderland. I truly had no idea how beautiful it was going to be on the trees. It is breathtaking!
But our neighborhood is also a very quiet, wooded community. I have two large windows, one in the living room facing the front, and one in the family room facing the back yard and the wooded area. While this snow is accumulating, it's also very light and early enough in the season that it didn't stick to the roads (at least this far south). So we have a gorgeous view of untouched winter wonderland. I truly had no idea how beautiful it was going to be on the trees. It is breathtaking!
Monday, November 11, 2013
Another Monday morning
I was actually looking forward to this morning. Can you believe it? Looking forward to a Monday morning? Sadly, it was because all of my kids would be in school and the house would be quiet. We had plenty of not quiet this weekend. Life with Catherine and Thomas is like Jekyll and Hyde. One minute they are the best of friends and the next all heck is breaking loose. Yesterday on an hour long car ride I had to pull the vehicle over TWICE in order to deal with them. Not okay. And then there is Robert, who is, my husband assures me, behaving like a typical male teen. His brain has clearly left him and he is simply not in any way, shape, or form functioning like a human with common sense. It's tough...in many ways one of the toughest things I've dealt with in a long time. The thing is, he's a pretty good kid and the stuff he's pulling are generally small things. We explain to him though, if we can't trust him in the small things how can we trust him in bigger things. I know that we are certainly not the first parents to deal with this and I'm grateful for Andrew's perspective into teenagers.
For now, however, I am enjoying the quiet and solitude of the day. With Dad's precarious health, I know that at any moment, life could turn into a tailspin, and I've learned to appreciate the calm for however long it might last.
For now, however, I am enjoying the quiet and solitude of the day. With Dad's precarious health, I know that at any moment, life could turn into a tailspin, and I've learned to appreciate the calm for however long it might last.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Saturday moments
Yesterday we had very few plans. It was absolutely awesome!
One plan we did have was to attend Empty Bowls, a program here in our new town. High school, college, and community arts classes fire up ceramic bowls and donate them. Some are heavy duty pottery, some of lighter and are painted colorfully. For a $10 donation, you get to purchase a bowl and have it filled with the soup of your choice. Catherine chose a purple bowl, Robert wanted a red, white, and blue bowl with "USA" inside, and Andrew chose a colorful one as well. I stumbled across a red, white, and black bowl, with my alma mater's (and local university) symbol on the outside, and snatched it up. Thomas was having a very difficult time deciding...but when he saw mine that's what he wanted! I was happy to give it to him. I was thrilled that my son wanted it! More importantly, I was very happy to see that the place was packed, and was very grateful for the opportunity to contribute to our new community and having the children involved.
Andrew and I spent our afternoon hanging things on the walls. This place is beginning to feel like home and I'm very grateful for that. In the evening, he wanted to watch the live streaming of the final toast of the Doolittle Raiders. He gathered us all, and even the kids sat entranced in front of the computer. I had no idea until it was over that I had been standing there for over an hour watching the ceremony and toast. I loved how enthralled and interested the kids were while watching it. Later, Andrew said to Thomas, "Thank you for watching the toast with me." Thomas replied, "It's part of our history." That little guy gets it...he understand that history is important.
Unfortunately, last evening we received a call from my mother that my dad was back in the e/r. It's another episode with the congestive heart failure. My heart is breaking for my parents, and for my kids. My dad isn't ready to stop fighting, but we all know his time is running out. My mother is dealing with the stress of being a caregiver and knowing that no matter what she does, it won't be enough to change the final outcome. And I'm sad for my children who never got to know the man my father was, although I am grateful for the time they have had with him and the memories we made together, especially up at the cottage.
It's another gorgeous day here in southwest Ohio. We have a few plans to be out today, and I'm grateful for the sunshine!
One plan we did have was to attend Empty Bowls, a program here in our new town. High school, college, and community arts classes fire up ceramic bowls and donate them. Some are heavy duty pottery, some of lighter and are painted colorfully. For a $10 donation, you get to purchase a bowl and have it filled with the soup of your choice. Catherine chose a purple bowl, Robert wanted a red, white, and blue bowl with "USA" inside, and Andrew chose a colorful one as well. I stumbled across a red, white, and black bowl, with my alma mater's (and local university) symbol on the outside, and snatched it up. Thomas was having a very difficult time deciding...but when he saw mine that's what he wanted! I was happy to give it to him. I was thrilled that my son wanted it! More importantly, I was very happy to see that the place was packed, and was very grateful for the opportunity to contribute to our new community and having the children involved.
Andrew and I spent our afternoon hanging things on the walls. This place is beginning to feel like home and I'm very grateful for that. In the evening, he wanted to watch the live streaming of the final toast of the Doolittle Raiders. He gathered us all, and even the kids sat entranced in front of the computer. I had no idea until it was over that I had been standing there for over an hour watching the ceremony and toast. I loved how enthralled and interested the kids were while watching it. Later, Andrew said to Thomas, "Thank you for watching the toast with me." Thomas replied, "It's part of our history." That little guy gets it...he understand that history is important.
Unfortunately, last evening we received a call from my mother that my dad was back in the e/r. It's another episode with the congestive heart failure. My heart is breaking for my parents, and for my kids. My dad isn't ready to stop fighting, but we all know his time is running out. My mother is dealing with the stress of being a caregiver and knowing that no matter what she does, it won't be enough to change the final outcome. And I'm sad for my children who never got to know the man my father was, although I am grateful for the time they have had with him and the memories we made together, especially up at the cottage.
It's another gorgeous day here in southwest Ohio. We have a few plans to be out today, and I'm grateful for the sunshine!
Friday, November 8, 2013
Heading into another weekend
These weeks are just flying by...unbelievably so! I've been spending a lot of time away from home doing one of my least favorite things...shopping. We are "officially" celebrating my birthday next weekend, and some out-of-town guests are expected, so I've been trying to buy a few things that we would like to have for the new house. I don't want to get crazy about spending money because even though we have a deal to sell our house, nothing is concrete until closing as far as I'm concerned.
We don't have a lot of plans for this weekend, and I'm particularly grateful for that. Our family needs some quiet together time!
We don't have a lot of plans for this weekend, and I'm particularly grateful for that. Our family needs some quiet together time!
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
We have a deal!
We worked out a deal on our old house. It isn't the one we thought it would be. It's the one with the better $$, but it does carry a little more risk that it could fall apart due to financing issues. However, this guy seems to really want the house. He made a VERY strong offer and took the time to write up an offer right after seeing the house. The other guy on the other hand, never actually wrote up an offer, but his original offer was so low it was almost insulting (our house is priced VERY reasonably so it would sell quickly). In addition, his submission included how he was a retired bank vice-president and other completely irrelevant information. Honestly, I felt his arrogance coming through the email...as if we were just supposed to assume that he was right on his price and it should be done his way because of who he is. I wasn't sad when he refused to meet our final price. Now, hopefully all will go well with financing and inspections on the other buyer, and all will be good to go! We really feel it has all worked out in the long run, and we hope that the new buyer enjoys the home as much as we did!
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Letting go
There is a good chance that we are going to have a deal to sell our house within the next 48 hours (unless I just jinxed us!). We actually have two offers on the table. One offer is great in terms of the dollar amount, but contains some higher risk that the deal could fall through. The other deal is sad and pathetic in terms of the dollars, but is pretty much guaranteed to go through. Negotiating is not my thing, but we will see what happens.
I'm very relieved at the prospect of having it sold, and yet it also makes me a little emotional. While I certainly have no intention of ever living there again, there was always a part of me that could go back and see the place where so many fabulous family memories occurred. Last night as we were discussing things, Andrew made the comment that he just hopes whoever buys the house takes good care of it. In that regard I guess I'm grateful that we won't be living in town anymore in case they don't...I won't have to see it every day.
I know that home is where my family is, and my family is doing great right here in our new place. I am so incredibly grateful for the blessings of these people in my life, and for all of the opportunities we have!
I'm very relieved at the prospect of having it sold, and yet it also makes me a little emotional. While I certainly have no intention of ever living there again, there was always a part of me that could go back and see the place where so many fabulous family memories occurred. Last night as we were discussing things, Andrew made the comment that he just hopes whoever buys the house takes good care of it. In that regard I guess I'm grateful that we won't be living in town anymore in case they don't...I won't have to see it every day.
I know that home is where my family is, and my family is doing great right here in our new place. I am so incredibly grateful for the blessings of these people in my life, and for all of the opportunities we have!
Monday, November 4, 2013
Enjoying the time change
I am loving the time change! I know it won't last, but for today, even more than yesterday, it's absolutely wonderful! It was so nice to be out waiting for Catherine's bus without it being pitch black, and now, 40 minutes later, it's almost light out. And of course everyone enjoys that extra hour of sleep!
We had a very nice weekend. Friday evening we drove back to our old town and picked up Thomas's best friend Joseph. Having those two reunited is truly heartwarming! There is never enough laughter in the world, but those two together certainly try their best! Saturday we were up and at 'em early to take Joseph back and also to get Robert to scouts. We know there were a couple of house showing this weekend so we raked and mowed while Robert was at scouts, then we headed north to my parents. We were moving furniture back into place after they had their new carpeting put down. My dad is failing and my mother is stressed and exhausted, but I think they would tell you we had a very nice visit. There was lots of laughter, which is again good for the soul. I'm also finding ways I can help even though I can't be there every day, and I'm grateful for that. Yesterday we visited another church in town. I won't go into details, but I will confirm that will NOT be our new church home...we both agreed. Robert helped out with the town food drive, and we enjoyed a beautiful afternoon.
I am so grateful for the calm and serenity that I'm currently feeling. I wish the same for all!
We had a very nice weekend. Friday evening we drove back to our old town and picked up Thomas's best friend Joseph. Having those two reunited is truly heartwarming! There is never enough laughter in the world, but those two together certainly try their best! Saturday we were up and at 'em early to take Joseph back and also to get Robert to scouts. We know there were a couple of house showing this weekend so we raked and mowed while Robert was at scouts, then we headed north to my parents. We were moving furniture back into place after they had their new carpeting put down. My dad is failing and my mother is stressed and exhausted, but I think they would tell you we had a very nice visit. There was lots of laughter, which is again good for the soul. I'm also finding ways I can help even though I can't be there every day, and I'm grateful for that. Yesterday we visited another church in town. I won't go into details, but I will confirm that will NOT be our new church home...we both agreed. Robert helped out with the town food drive, and we enjoyed a beautiful afternoon.
I am so grateful for the calm and serenity that I'm currently feeling. I wish the same for all!
Friday, November 1, 2013
October didn't disappoint
I would say, overall, October was a pretty good month. Certainly much better than the previous few had been! The funeral at the beginning of the month was emotional, but October is truly a beautiful month (usually), in terms of both weather and scenery. Our new town is even prettier than the old one, and overall the stress level was much more manageable. I enjoyed October.
And now we are moving into November...and my favorite holiday of Thanksgiving! Of course everyone loves Christmas, but Thanksgiving is my favorite. It's filled with family but without the stress of the gift giving. Plus, it's the beginning of the holiday season. SO MUCH FUN! We have already confirmed that we are spending the day at my aunt & uncle's which we haven't done in four years and Andrew's parents are joining us as well. I am filled with even more optimism for a wonderful month!
And now we are moving into November...and my favorite holiday of Thanksgiving! Of course everyone loves Christmas, but Thanksgiving is my favorite. It's filled with family but without the stress of the gift giving. Plus, it's the beginning of the holiday season. SO MUCH FUN! We have already confirmed that we are spending the day at my aunt & uncle's which we haven't done in four years and Andrew's parents are joining us as well. I am filled with even more optimism for a wonderful month!
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Why we moved here
I don't want to fail to mention that from an academic standpoint, we have been absolutely thrilled with moving to this school district, and that was one of the biggest reasons we chose to move here. At our old school district, there was a computer lab...one lab for each building. And as a sub, I can assure you that you were lucky if all 25 computers happened to work that day...it was unlikely to be the case. I can remember hoping for absent students on computer lab days in hopes that we could piece together enough working computers for everyone to use one. Here, at Thomas's school, everyone in his class, and all fourth grade classes (not sure about other grades) are assigned their own school iPad. There are also two chromebook mobile labs that his class has used for many things. Catherine has raved about the technology as well. They are just amazed after what they came from.
It isn't just the technology though. Catherine has been able to join Yearbook and Robert is participating in a service club and jazz band...opportunities that would not have existed for them this year had we not moved. Catherine is also able to attend weekly after school math tutoring...a direct result of living in a college town (college volunteers!). We did not sign Thomas up for the art lessons he had hoped to take where they would bus him from his school to the lesson (we are waiting until spring) but he is signed up to take a foreign language after school starting in January. He was able to choose from Spanish, German, Latin, Italian, French, Chinese, Japanese, and American Sign Language. The class is an hour for nine weeks for only $25...and it's at his school (again, gotta love college volunteers)! These are the opportunities we are so grateful that our children are receiving.
This move also gave Catherine the opportunity for a fresh start. This girl prided herself last year on never saying anything in her classroom. I thought she was just shy and quiet in a classroom setting, but apparently that is not the case. Her teachers have told us how personable and involved she is in her classes...this is not the girl we knew! Obviously there was something about the former school's environment (most likely some very poorly behaved girls) that intimidated her. But here, Catherine is blossoming.
This is why we moved here!
It isn't just the technology though. Catherine has been able to join Yearbook and Robert is participating in a service club and jazz band...opportunities that would not have existed for them this year had we not moved. Catherine is also able to attend weekly after school math tutoring...a direct result of living in a college town (college volunteers!). We did not sign Thomas up for the art lessons he had hoped to take where they would bus him from his school to the lesson (we are waiting until spring) but he is signed up to take a foreign language after school starting in January. He was able to choose from Spanish, German, Latin, Italian, French, Chinese, Japanese, and American Sign Language. The class is an hour for nine weeks for only $25...and it's at his school (again, gotta love college volunteers)! These are the opportunities we are so grateful that our children are receiving.
This move also gave Catherine the opportunity for a fresh start. This girl prided herself last year on never saying anything in her classroom. I thought she was just shy and quiet in a classroom setting, but apparently that is not the case. Her teachers have told us how personable and involved she is in her classes...this is not the girl we knew! Obviously there was something about the former school's environment (most likely some very poorly behaved girls) that intimidated her. But here, Catherine is blossoming.
This is why we moved here!
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Potato Soup
Saturday morning Andrew took Robert and Thomas back to our old town for some scout activities. It was a chilly, dreary morning, and I had just purchased a 5 lb bag of potatoes at the grocery earlier in the week. I decided I was going to make potato soup. I began scouring the internet and found that while I had would generally have many of the ingredients, I often was missing one or two (cream of cheddar soup, or evaporated milk, something like that). I finally found a recipe that required only ingredients I actually had here at the house and got to work.
You may be astounded by this, but I had never peeled five pounds of potatoes before, and had I not desperately wanted potato soup that would still be a true statement. The kitchen is just not where my calling is! And then I had to chop all those peeled potatoes...ugh! I know, I'm pathetic. Anyway, after that was done it was just a matter of chopping a little bit of onion, adding cream of chicken soup and chicken broth, and cooking on high for 4-5 hours.
Andrew fried bacon to crispy perfection so that we could top the soup with bacon crumbles, and we also grated cheese. Overall, it was a really easy recipe (in spite of my complaining) and there are so many easy variations that could be made depending on taste. Thomas was less than thrilled although he did eat some, and everyone else was very pleased with a warm, cozy dinner on Saturday evening while we watched Notre Dame beat Air Force. :)
The recipe indicated that this soup was even better reheated. I so agree! We had leftover last evening, along with leftovers of a project Robert had made for French class (I have no idea what it's called, but Thomas LOVED it). It was a great dinner, again!
You may be astounded by this, but I had never peeled five pounds of potatoes before, and had I not desperately wanted potato soup that would still be a true statement. The kitchen is just not where my calling is! And then I had to chop all those peeled potatoes...ugh! I know, I'm pathetic. Anyway, after that was done it was just a matter of chopping a little bit of onion, adding cream of chicken soup and chicken broth, and cooking on high for 4-5 hours.
Andrew fried bacon to crispy perfection so that we could top the soup with bacon crumbles, and we also grated cheese. Overall, it was a really easy recipe (in spite of my complaining) and there are so many easy variations that could be made depending on taste. Thomas was less than thrilled although he did eat some, and everyone else was very pleased with a warm, cozy dinner on Saturday evening while we watched Notre Dame beat Air Force. :)
The recipe indicated that this soup was even better reheated. I so agree! We had leftover last evening, along with leftovers of a project Robert had made for French class (I have no idea what it's called, but Thomas LOVED it). It was a great dinner, again!
Monday, October 28, 2013
Monday morning thought
Have you noticed, especially on a Monday morning, how it feels as though the week is going to take forever, and Friday afternoon may never arrive...yet the years fly by in the blink of an eye?
My husband and I were talking yesterday about how we are looking forward to being here during the summer. We avoid town right now because of the college students, and there are shops in town that I don't even know exist. I haven't even really spent any time in my own back yard (granted, I'm not exactly an "outdoorsy" person). In the summer when the weather is warmer and the college students are gone, we feel like we'll really be able to explore.
And yet, the years fly by so fast. We have an entire school year (3/4 left!) and so many special holidays to celebrate. There is a pretty good chance my dad won't be here next summer, and I need to make sure I remember that. Every day is a blessing, regardless of the season.
Happy Monday everyone!
My husband and I were talking yesterday about how we are looking forward to being here during the summer. We avoid town right now because of the college students, and there are shops in town that I don't even know exist. I haven't even really spent any time in my own back yard (granted, I'm not exactly an "outdoorsy" person). In the summer when the weather is warmer and the college students are gone, we feel like we'll really be able to explore.
And yet, the years fly by so fast. We have an entire school year (3/4 left!) and so many special holidays to celebrate. There is a pretty good chance my dad won't be here next summer, and I need to make sure I remember that. Every day is a blessing, regardless of the season.
Happy Monday everyone!
Sunday, October 27, 2013
It's been a good day
It's been a very nice 40th birthday. The weather was absolutely gorgeous...could not have hand picked a better day! Robert was invited to participate in an Eagle Scout ceremony for one of the boys in his troop, so Andrew took him over to that and then brought in Taco Bell for dinner. It was my request but Andrew insists it is not my "official" birthday dinner! Catherine and Thomas have occupied themselves on the computer and with Lego sets, and we've all spent some time this afternoon getting things picked up and organized around the house. I feel immeasurably blessed, and hope the next 40 years (God willing) are as wonderful as the first 40!
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Last day of 30's
Today is the last day I'll ever be able to tell someone that I am "30-something". I just simply can not believe that I am turning 40 tomorrow. Where has the time gone? I know that 40 is nothing to complain about and it's really not a big deal, but I've decided I'm going to blame this on the medical profession. Up to 40, you are probably good-to-go. Once you reach 40 though, better start having those tests run. It just makes it sound as though you've reached "that age" and it's no longer safe. We aren't really doing anything to celebrate this weekend and I'm okay with that. We've invited friends for a gathering in a few weeks and I'm really looking forward to that...it also gives me three additional weeks to make this house presentable!
Speaking of, the strike ended Wednesday evening. We reached decent terms for a settlement, and I can see that the kids are making a little more of an effort. I can also see that my husband is hounding them a little more, and that is okay too. I also see that the fact that he has to hound them is driving him crazy, which is also one of my points I was trying to make. There are certain things about which we should not have to hound them, and yet we do. As I've explained to them, my job is to make them functioning, responsible members of society, and that does not include Mom always being there to prod them into completing something. Overall though, I'm pleased with their increased effort!
Speaking of, the strike ended Wednesday evening. We reached decent terms for a settlement, and I can see that the kids are making a little more of an effort. I can also see that my husband is hounding them a little more, and that is okay too. I also see that the fact that he has to hound them is driving him crazy, which is also one of my points I was trying to make. There are certain things about which we should not have to hound them, and yet we do. As I've explained to them, my job is to make them functioning, responsible members of society, and that does not include Mom always being there to prod them into completing something. Overall though, I'm pleased with their increased effort!
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Strike day 2
I am still on strike today. I am mom only when it is a matter of safety. No, Robert you can not skip cough medicine tonight...you have a bad cough and can not keep the entire house awake. I think the kids thought it was really fun last evening to make their own dinners. However, the house is ridiculous at this point, and Andrew is frustrated. He understands, but is frustrated. I, on the other, am thoroughly enjoying myself. It is amazing how much stress one can shed when one simply refuses to get wrapped up in it. Andrew was so frustrated last night that he started following them around reminding them to do things. I chatted with him later that in the long run, he isn't helping things. Until they start doing their basic chores themselves (making beds, dirty clothes to the laundry, dishes in dishwasher) I am on strike. And since they aren't doing their basic chores, I am not doing mine either. Catherine is beginning to make more of an effort, Thomas is slightly better than normal, but Robert is a true teen and is pretty sure he can call my bluff. Bad news kiddo...not bluffing. As the oldest, he is the one I am bluffing with the least. He is MORE than capable of putting his shoes away, getting dirty clothes to the laundry, making his bed, and performing simple daily tasks like throwing his trash away. And yet, there on the floor of his bedroom this morning was yet another food wrapper. He isn't even allowed to have food in his bedroom, and I'm finding the wrappers almost daily. And that folks, is why I'm just done.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
On strike
Please know that I am writing this post without irritation or anger. It simply is what it is.
As of today, I am officially on strike. I have spent the last nine weeks working my rear off in order to get our old house ready for sale, and I did 90% of the work by myself. I am not complaining about this. I did not have another job...except of course for being "mom" at home. And of course for the several weeks prior to the move, I focused on packing and getting things ready...mostly by myself. Again, I am not complaining. That was a result of being a total control freak. However, the children do not seem to be able to pick up after themselves...make their beds or take dirty clothes to the laundry room. They can't even put their shoes in their room...they simply leave things where they are. I had to ask three times last night for the children to put their plates in the dishwasher. THREE TIMES! So today I am going to sit and relax and enjoy life. I refuse to do laundry or to clean or to pick up. I simply refuse. And I shall refuse until they can make their beds, etc. This shall be interesting to see how long it takes them to get on board.
As of today, I am officially on strike. I have spent the last nine weeks working my rear off in order to get our old house ready for sale, and I did 90% of the work by myself. I am not complaining about this. I did not have another job...except of course for being "mom" at home. And of course for the several weeks prior to the move, I focused on packing and getting things ready...mostly by myself. Again, I am not complaining. That was a result of being a total control freak. However, the children do not seem to be able to pick up after themselves...make their beds or take dirty clothes to the laundry room. They can't even put their shoes in their room...they simply leave things where they are. I had to ask three times last night for the children to put their plates in the dishwasher. THREE TIMES! So today I am going to sit and relax and enjoy life. I refuse to do laundry or to clean or to pick up. I simply refuse. And I shall refuse until they can make their beds, etc. This shall be interesting to see how long it takes them to get on board.
A little too close to home
There was another school shooting yesterday. There are not words to describe how sick this makes me feel. The four most important people in the world to me spend their days in a school, and two of them are at a middle school...just like the school with the fatal shooting yesterday. And while geographically this school is no where near us, this one hits way, way too close to home. Andrew has a college room mate who works at this school. Fortunately, I learned about the shooting from him and not from a news source. He was not at the school yesterday when the shootings occurred. So terrifying.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Having my life back
This might sound overly dramatic, but I feel like I have my life back. For the last nine weeks, I've been living in our new house but working in our old house. The only days when I didn't go to the old house were days that I had scheduled with some other necessary activity...and working and organizing our new house was not considered a necessary activity. Most days for the last nine weeks I've put my "new life" on hold and gone back to our "old life." And in the meantime, some of our necessary activities have consisted of hospital/sickness of our youngest and my father as well as funerals. I didn't realize how much stress I had been feeling until this weekend, when I didn't feel as though I had to be running back to the old house. I felt such a tremendous weight lifted all weekend. My husband even commented on how much happier and relaxed I seemed.
In addition to the stress, there was also an emotional toll of going back almost every day. My life is here now, in our new home and our new town. But almost every day, I was going back to our old house in our old town. As the day would progress I would inevitably compare it to last year and what I would normally have been doing at that time...it's just the way I am. But now I truly feel as though I can focus on life here...and let me assure that our house desperately needs that focus! I am looking forward to feeling as though I am finally moving forward!
In addition to the stress, there was also an emotional toll of going back almost every day. My life is here now, in our new home and our new town. But almost every day, I was going back to our old house in our old town. As the day would progress I would inevitably compare it to last year and what I would normally have been doing at that time...it's just the way I am. But now I truly feel as though I can focus on life here...and let me assure that our house desperately needs that focus! I am looking forward to feeling as though I am finally moving forward!
Saturday, October 19, 2013
A rainy Saturday
I am grateful for the rainy Saturday today. Andrew will be bringing Robert home from scouts in about an hour and we have nowhere to be the rest of the day. None of us are feeling great, although none of us feel lousy, and I'm hoping we can really make some progress on getting this house put together. It has been eleven weeks since I had no where to be on a Saturday, and I'm treasuring it.
Our old house is ready for sale! We worked our rears off this week and it's ready to be listed. I'm a little annoyed in that it was supposed to be listed Thursday and nothing has appeared yet. I'm not going to be pleased if Monday comes and goes and there is nothing. It is such a super huge relief to have that all done.
Happy Saturday!
Our old house is ready for sale! We worked our rears off this week and it's ready to be listed. I'm a little annoyed in that it was supposed to be listed Thursday and nothing has appeared yet. I'm not going to be pleased if Monday comes and goes and there is nothing. It is such a super huge relief to have that all done.
Happy Saturday!
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
I get it from my mother
One of the reasons it has taken us so long to get our house up for sale is that I am a perfectionist in certain things. I believe if I am going to do it, I should do it 100% correctly or not do it at all. This, strangely enough is why my house is often such a mess. If I don't have time to scrub a room top to bottom, why should I do it at all? Oh, I totally "get" that it needs to be cleaned, but that's my thought process. And I've also realized that if I want a job done my way, I am the one who should complete that job. With the exception of a few car loads that were taken by friends right before we moved, and of course the movers the day of the actual move, we have done absolutely everything ourselves. Just us. I am NOT complaining. We had many, many offers of help. However, we took virtually no one up on it. Because not only do I prefer to do it myself, I HATE to burden others. I do not like to ask for help. I never have.
And after a conversation yesterday I definitely figured out where this trait comes from. When my mother called to tell me about my father, she was also explaining how physically exhausted she is. Not only is she caring for my father, but because my father is becoming more confined to only a few rooms of the house my mother felt those rooms needed some "sprucing up". They have been repainted and new carpet was put on on Monday. She mentioned that she is the one moving all of the furniture...and trust me when I tell you my parents do not own cheap furniture. They buy the good stuff made of solid wood that is HEAVY. As she was telling me this I thought to myself, "Why are you doing this? Why on earth don't you ask us for help?" Hello Pot, meet black Kettle!
And after a conversation yesterday I definitely figured out where this trait comes from. When my mother called to tell me about my father, she was also explaining how physically exhausted she is. Not only is she caring for my father, but because my father is becoming more confined to only a few rooms of the house my mother felt those rooms needed some "sprucing up". They have been repainted and new carpet was put on on Monday. She mentioned that she is the one moving all of the furniture...and trust me when I tell you my parents do not own cheap furniture. They buy the good stuff made of solid wood that is HEAVY. As she was telling me this I thought to myself, "Why are you doing this? Why on earth don't you ask us for help?" Hello Pot, meet black Kettle!
Feeling at "home"
Why did I put quotations around "home"? Because I'm not sure where that is these days. Don't get me wrong, I know where I live, it just isn't "feeling" like home yet. It did for a few days in September when life was not total chaos. But, I've been spending at every day (except one, maybe two) at our old house trying to get it ready to list. My friends would tell you there was nothing that really needed to be done and we should've just listed it, but my perfectionist tendencies were not going to let that happen! As we've been emptying the attic, basement, and garage of the old house it has been dumped again into our living room, and I do not enjoy that...not one bit. I feel as though we are, yet again, living in total clutter and I don't like it one bit.
The fact that I am spending so much time at our old house isn't helping the new house (or town) feel like home either. I want to be comfortable (and comforted) by being here in our new house, but it just isn't there yet. I know that we are going to get there, but I while I was dead on on how hard some things emotionally would be, I completely underestimated other things.
The good news is that we are signing the paperwork this evening to list our house. By Friday morning, the realtor should be able to show it and I'll be able to stop running back and forth. In fact, I get to spend the day here in the new place, although we'll be back this evening, and probably two trips tomorrow. At the same time, cross country has also ended so our weekends are much less scheduled, and hopefully I'll be able to focus on making this house our "home"!
The fact that I am spending so much time at our old house isn't helping the new house (or town) feel like home either. I want to be comfortable (and comforted) by being here in our new house, but it just isn't there yet. I know that we are going to get there, but I while I was dead on on how hard some things emotionally would be, I completely underestimated other things.
The good news is that we are signing the paperwork this evening to list our house. By Friday morning, the realtor should be able to show it and I'll be able to stop running back and forth. In fact, I get to spend the day here in the new place, although we'll be back this evening, and probably two trips tomorrow. At the same time, cross country has also ended so our weekends are much less scheduled, and hopefully I'll be able to focus on making this house our "home"!
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Another hospital visit
My dad is back in the hospital, and while not dire, it's not great news either. It almost certainly seems to be the heart. Congestive heart failure can be a condition with which a person can live, but in Dad's case, it's just not good. On the upside, he currently seems to feel better than just this morning, and hopefully it will be a short visit and he can be home resting before too long.
Monday, October 14, 2013
I meant to write...
...but there just were not enough hours in the day. Or, I guess I should say days at this point.
Last week was spent in a continuous effort to get our old house emptied so a final clean can be done. Our realtor doesn't want to list it until it is completely empty. I made a trip over on Tuesday, two trips on Wednesday, and another on Thursday. After work on Thursday, my husband and I made another trip over because I had reached the point where not only could I not carry everything, I needed him to make some decisions on things. Besides, loading and unloading four van loads of things had taken a toll and I was physically hurting. While we were there and the kids were here, we decided to partake of our favorite Mexican restaurant. It has a steak meal that I love and can't find replicated here. It was as close to a date night as we are going to get anytime soon.
Friday we planned to hit the road early for Columbus, but we awoke to no hot water, a cabinet broke, and we learned our credit card (primary card we use) had been canceled. GRRRR. We finally deal with what we can deal with and hit the road...so that our GPS could stop working. We laughed a little at all of it, and even my laid-back husband pointed out that all of these little things were starting to add up to one big irritation! We really had a good time though. The trip was our gift to Catherine so that she could visit the American Girl doll store. I was so proud of her. She knew exactly how much money she had to spend, and before she even came to close to it she announce, "That's plenty. I'm done." She had researched from catalogs before we went and we were in and out in 20 minutes. That is my kind of shopping! Our evening was spent at the 40th birthday party of a good friend. It was near our old home, so we stopped on the way for another load, and everyone tumbled into bed later than I would've liked.
Saturday Robert had his final cross country race of the season. It was a gorgeous day, although somewhat warmer than I had expected. Robert started our very strong, and we could see about 1/3 into the race that he was one of the top six. The race then goes out of sight, and I positioned myself at the finish line. Runner after runner after runner finished, and there was no sign of Robert. He was one of the very last ones to finish, and then he collapsed at the finish in a pile. Apparently he was dizzy and having trouble breathing. His coach said the dizziness was probably from not drinking enough. We keep telling him to hydrate, but he's a teenager and thinks he knows everything! The coach said the breathing could be from a "bug" or allergies that Robert didn't even know he had, but as a competitive runner it makes itself known. That does appear to be the case, as by last evening he wasn't feeling so swell. We spent Saturday evening at the birthday party of a four-year-old (we mentioned that ironically, he had as many candles as the forty-year-old the night before) and since that party was also near our old home, we again stopped for another load before coming home.
Yesterday Andrew and I spent the entire day at our old home. I washed the woodwork and mopped the floors of the entire second level and the stairs. We are hoping that by tomorrow at the latest, everything will be out of there and I won't have to keep making trips over. Andrew wiped down the entire kitchen, and the attic and basement are empty. We just have a few more things to get out of the laundry room and garage, and I'll need to sweep those as well as clean the living room. We are almost there! I will feel such a tremendous relief when that house is ready to sell!
Last week was spent in a continuous effort to get our old house emptied so a final clean can be done. Our realtor doesn't want to list it until it is completely empty. I made a trip over on Tuesday, two trips on Wednesday, and another on Thursday. After work on Thursday, my husband and I made another trip over because I had reached the point where not only could I not carry everything, I needed him to make some decisions on things. Besides, loading and unloading four van loads of things had taken a toll and I was physically hurting. While we were there and the kids were here, we decided to partake of our favorite Mexican restaurant. It has a steak meal that I love and can't find replicated here. It was as close to a date night as we are going to get anytime soon.
Friday we planned to hit the road early for Columbus, but we awoke to no hot water, a cabinet broke, and we learned our credit card (primary card we use) had been canceled. GRRRR. We finally deal with what we can deal with and hit the road...so that our GPS could stop working. We laughed a little at all of it, and even my laid-back husband pointed out that all of these little things were starting to add up to one big irritation! We really had a good time though. The trip was our gift to Catherine so that she could visit the American Girl doll store. I was so proud of her. She knew exactly how much money she had to spend, and before she even came to close to it she announce, "That's plenty. I'm done." She had researched from catalogs before we went and we were in and out in 20 minutes. That is my kind of shopping! Our evening was spent at the 40th birthday party of a good friend. It was near our old home, so we stopped on the way for another load, and everyone tumbled into bed later than I would've liked.
Saturday Robert had his final cross country race of the season. It was a gorgeous day, although somewhat warmer than I had expected. Robert started our very strong, and we could see about 1/3 into the race that he was one of the top six. The race then goes out of sight, and I positioned myself at the finish line. Runner after runner after runner finished, and there was no sign of Robert. He was one of the very last ones to finish, and then he collapsed at the finish in a pile. Apparently he was dizzy and having trouble breathing. His coach said the dizziness was probably from not drinking enough. We keep telling him to hydrate, but he's a teenager and thinks he knows everything! The coach said the breathing could be from a "bug" or allergies that Robert didn't even know he had, but as a competitive runner it makes itself known. That does appear to be the case, as by last evening he wasn't feeling so swell. We spent Saturday evening at the birthday party of a four-year-old (we mentioned that ironically, he had as many candles as the forty-year-old the night before) and since that party was also near our old home, we again stopped for another load before coming home.
Yesterday Andrew and I spent the entire day at our old home. I washed the woodwork and mopped the floors of the entire second level and the stairs. We are hoping that by tomorrow at the latest, everything will be out of there and I won't have to keep making trips over. Andrew wiped down the entire kitchen, and the attic and basement are empty. We just have a few more things to get out of the laundry room and garage, and I'll need to sweep those as well as clean the living room. We are almost there! I will feel such a tremendous relief when that house is ready to sell!
Labels:
Cross Country,
Family,
Household Mayhem,
Moving
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
A beautiful day
Today was about the most gorgeous day you could ever ask for. There was literally nothing but blue skies, and with the leaves changing it was so bright and vibrant out. I had to drive to the other house and work, and I'm grateful that I did. I even took the back roads on the drive back (thanks to paving...ugh!) and while it takes longer, it was even more colorful. The temps are also perfect...it was exactly the day that I needed to refresh the soul!
Saturday, October 5, 2013
An unexpected tribute
Today I was sitting with my mother and sister waiting for the funeral to begin. Several co-workers were seated around me, and on the other side of my mother sat some of her friends. It was a Catholic funeral (although not full mass), and it was lovely. After the formal religious ceremony, the eulogies were to begin. My sister had mentioned to me that Mark, the youngest son, had mentioned that his eulogy was going to include a shout out to my dad. I responded by saying I better get the tissues ready...and thank goodness I did! Mark's eulogy was very nice and did include a brief shout out...certainly more than I expected to hear during another man's funeral. Rebecca, the daughter, then spoke. She echoed Mark's "shout out" to my dad, then mentioned him in a couple of other stories she told about her dad. Rebecca's husband (Pete) then got up to give the "official" lengthy eulogy, which included an all-out tribute to my dad. It mentioned how much Dad and Chuck had been through and how loyal Dad had been for the 32 years he has worked there. He went on about how many of the things Chuck was able to do for others was due to the fact that my dad had done things that allowed Chuck to do them, and Pete then explained to the crowd how ill my father is and that the family's thoughts and prayers are with us at this time as well. It was completely unexpected that my father be included in such an overt manner, and to be honest, my mother, sister, and I sat and wept. We love this family dearly, and it was truly shocking to us that in their time of sorrow they made such an attempt to comfort and include us. I don't even know how to explain it really, but I am so grateful that even though my dad couldn't be at the funeral this morning, he got to be a part of it. Dad and Chuck were so completely intertwined in their lives, and I know that is a huge part in what is making me so emotional about this...their deaths aren't going to be that far apart either. It just wasn't supposed to happen this way.
Everyone is still asleep
It is silent in this house, and I'm grateful for that. Life has been anything but silent lately. Yesterday morning, Thomas managed to lock us out of the house. It was an accident and I wasn't angry, but I quickly realized my well-planned day was not off to the best start. A kind neighbor took me to the high school and I was able to take Andrew's keys and drive myself home. This meant I had to pick him up at the end of the day, which wouldn't have been a problem except that we were on a tight schedule to leave for the funeral visitation last night. We left much later than I had wanted, but still were there to pay our respects.
In fact, we waited two hours in line to do so. That is how well respected and loved this man and his family are. The entire thing made me so very emotional because it is so closely tied to my dad. When it was finally our turn, my tears couldn't hold back any longer...seeing the family was just too much. They all mentioned how they were glad Dad had been there earlier, and that he seemed to be having a good day (and Grandma echoed those thoughts). Many others that I encountered throughout the visitation asked about Dad, and one of them even mentioned he was glad to hear Dad wasn't in there, because he didn't think he could handle seeing Dad grieve.
I'm on my way back to my hometown shortly. The funeral is this morning. Dad isn't strong enough, and I know that the family understands. I also know that they would understand if I didn't make the trek back up again today, but I feel it's important that I do so. This man gave me the opportunity to work with my dad for over six years, and I'm always going to be grateful...not to mention all the other things he's done.
It's been emotional, and I'm grateful for some quiet time right now. And trust me when I tell you everyone could stand to catch up on some sleep!
In fact, we waited two hours in line to do so. That is how well respected and loved this man and his family are. The entire thing made me so very emotional because it is so closely tied to my dad. When it was finally our turn, my tears couldn't hold back any longer...seeing the family was just too much. They all mentioned how they were glad Dad had been there earlier, and that he seemed to be having a good day (and Grandma echoed those thoughts). Many others that I encountered throughout the visitation asked about Dad, and one of them even mentioned he was glad to hear Dad wasn't in there, because he didn't think he could handle seeing Dad grieve.
I'm on my way back to my hometown shortly. The funeral is this morning. Dad isn't strong enough, and I know that the family understands. I also know that they would understand if I didn't make the trek back up again today, but I feel it's important that I do so. This man gave me the opportunity to work with my dad for over six years, and I'm always going to be grateful...not to mention all the other things he's done.
It's been emotional, and I'm grateful for some quiet time right now. And trust me when I tell you everyone could stand to catch up on some sleep!
Friday, October 4, 2013
I ache everywhere, but it is worth it
One of the things I've been doing in trying to get the house ready to sell is painting. I'm not changing any colors, just freshening things up a bit. So far, I had painted the ceiling, walls, and trim (primed and final coat) in the boys' room, I had painted the ceiling, walls, and trim in our upstairs hallway, and I had painted the walls and trim in our dining room. Yesterday I was ready to paint the floor in there. To be honest, I was really looking forward to it. No hands over head, no up and down a ladder...sounded awesome. IT WAS NOT! It couldn't be rolled because there is too much uneveness on the floor. Four hours of crawling on my hands and knees took one heck of a toll. I've lost most of the feeling in my left hand because of the leaning on my wrist through it all. I have pressure bruises not only on my knees, but on the tops of my feet...and that doesn't even include the muscular pains! It is so worth it though. That should be the last painting, although I'm pretty sure I'm going to want to repaint the step faces...that can be after the "for sale" sign appears though. Andrew and I will be spending Sunday working hours on end at the house clearing it out and cleaning it up. Let's hope it sells quickly!
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
C'mon October!
I'll be honest (and this isn't going to shock anyone), upon deciding to move and dealing with my father's deterioration, July & August were pretty high on the stress-o-meter. And being further honest, the months prior to that had their own share of stresses...it's not been the most fun and carefree year I've ever experienced.
So when September came, I had HIGH HOPES! Each month is a new opportunity for fond memories and good times...except that September is the month where Thomas passed out at school and was squadded to the e/r, and it finished with our family losing a very, very dear friend.
But here we are, at another new month...and October is usually one of my favorites! I love the weather, the sights, sounds, tastes, and this year we even get a day off school next week! I am completely certain that this is going to be a fabulous month!
So when September came, I had HIGH HOPES! Each month is a new opportunity for fond memories and good times...except that September is the month where Thomas passed out at school and was squadded to the e/r, and it finished with our family losing a very, very dear friend.
But here we are, at another new month...and October is usually one of my favorites! I love the weather, the sights, sounds, tastes, and this year we even get a day off school next week! I am completely certain that this is going to be a fabulous month!
Sunday, September 29, 2013
I am all over the place
I'll be honest, my emotions are absolutely all over the place right now. I am grieving the death of my father's friend, who in many ways was like a second father to me...and of course I think of my own father and grieve with him, and know it won't be terribly long before our own family faces this struggle.
It is Sunday morning which of course is church morning. I have always preferred my conversations and relationship with God to be one of a personal nature...I prefer to be private in this regard. Therefore, the "community" of the church and worship is not comforting to me. It is a ritual that in some cases is so automatic to people that it holds no real meaning. I absolutely find my faith to be comforting in times of sadness. However, I do not find myself being surrounded by strangers to be of any comfort at all. This leads to a "gap" in my relationship with my husband, but I am grateful that he accepts that my beliefs are what they are.
I'm probably rambling. I truly feel my thoughts as well as my emotions are just like a ping-pong ball. I am grateful for the support of my family and good friends on days I feel like this!
It is Sunday morning which of course is church morning. I have always preferred my conversations and relationship with God to be one of a personal nature...I prefer to be private in this regard. Therefore, the "community" of the church and worship is not comforting to me. It is a ritual that in some cases is so automatic to people that it holds no real meaning. I absolutely find my faith to be comforting in times of sadness. However, I do not find myself being surrounded by strangers to be of any comfort at all. This leads to a "gap" in my relationship with my husband, but I am grateful that he accepts that my beliefs are what they are.
I'm probably rambling. I truly feel my thoughts as well as my emotions are just like a ping-pong ball. I am grateful for the support of my family and good friends on days I feel like this!
Saturday, September 28, 2013
It was unexpected
We had a very nice morning. We attended the area Alzheimer's Association walk with our very dear friend "Uncle Nick" whose father passed away from this horrible disease. It could not have been a more beautiful morning for the walk, and it was so nice being able to spend time visiting as well!
We had just left and were on our way home when my phone cell rang. I was completely unprepared for the words from my mother. My father's boss/dear friend (also my former boss) had passed away suddenly this morning. While we knew he had just been diagnosed with cancer this week, many indications were good and just this past Thursday had been full of good news for him. It just wasn't meant to be though, and his kidneys began to fail from the chemo treatment. He faded quickly overnight and passed this morning, surrounded by many family members.
I just can't believe we are going to bury this man who has been such a huge part of my life for over 30 years...especially as my own father is so ill. On that front, Dad is very upset, and I know that isn't good for him either. I just can't wrap my head around this...it wasn't supposed to be this way.
We had just left and were on our way home when my phone cell rang. I was completely unprepared for the words from my mother. My father's boss/dear friend (also my former boss) had passed away suddenly this morning. While we knew he had just been diagnosed with cancer this week, many indications were good and just this past Thursday had been full of good news for him. It just wasn't meant to be though, and his kidneys began to fail from the chemo treatment. He faded quickly overnight and passed this morning, surrounded by many family members.
I just can't believe we are going to bury this man who has been such a huge part of my life for over 30 years...especially as my own father is so ill. On that front, Dad is very upset, and I know that isn't good for him either. I just can't wrap my head around this...it wasn't supposed to be this way.
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
It just got to be too much
Yesterday was a pretty rough day...start to finish. I awoke in an absolutely horrible mood. While I think that was in some part due to being exhausted (Reds went into extra innings the night before), I think it also had something to do with the really bad dreams I had during the night. I can still vividly see those dreams right now. This is not terribly uncommon for me, but these dreams involved my children, and that feeling just stuck with me.
We had a pretty wretched morning of getting ready. I refuse to allow the kids to wait for the bus in the dark without me keeping an eye out, and Andrew thinks I'm completely over reacting. I've asked if he could take the kids to school with him and have them catch a bus there so I could sleep a little longer. Since he feels I'm over reacting, he refuses to do this, and points out that if he takes them, they'll be "in his way." I certainly understand that feeling, because I HAD to take them with me, pretty much EVERY DAY I'VE WORKED in the last three years. You can see where that little point might set me off a bit.
Anyway, I'm still working on painting our old house, so I get ready to head out right after Thomas gets on the bus. My tire pressure light comes on. I go to dig out the air compressor, and realize the VERY HEAVY equipment is above my head where I can't reach it. AGH! I find something to stand on, and also found it very ironic that a box I asked Andrew to put somewhere (anywhere!) three times over the course of the previous week that he had finally gotten to the evening before, was stacked right on top of it. I finally get the thing set up and realize I have no pressure gage so I'm going to have to guess which tire it is. They all looked fine, so I try one tire. Light still comes on. Second tire...light still comes on. Third tire...still there. So of course it is the fourth (and final!) tire that does the trick.
There is tons of "tree work" happening on the back roads between here and our old town. It takes a ridiculously long time to get there. As I'm getting ready to wash my hands for lunch (I pack it each day) I realize that our water has been turned off by the guy who had come to fix a valve. Not a problem, I know where the main valve is, except that does absolutely nothing. It quickly becomes clear that he has turned the water off somewhere else, but I don't know where, and I can't reach the guy. Honestly, the fact that I couldn't wash my hands to eat lunch was more than I could handle and I just began to cry.
About this time, the sciatic nerve that has been screaming at me for days begins to scream even louder, and a migraine begins to come on. Since I can't wash out the paint brushes, I find a Ziploc bag and bring them home. I really wanted to take a quick nap, but realize that Thomas has to get off the bus before Andrew arrives home with the other two, and the driver must see an adult for Thomas to be allowed off the bus. I understand this and I'm not complaining, but it stunk at that point.
When Andrew arrives home he informs me that he has received a call from the person at Catherine's school who is now responsible for her IEP. That person had informed Andrew that they would like to dismiss her from services. I was not surprised by this, as when we handed them the IEP at registration we were told they don't offer those services. This person tells Andrew that she has spoken to Catherine's teachers and they don't see a need for her to receive services. Excuse me? She is speaking to people who have known my daughter for exactly five weeks. And it's the beginning of the year...the first week doesn't even count! Add on how much more that is just review, and I'm supposed to be okay with just letting it go? At her old school, her three year re-eval was just completed in May. Everyone there agreed that Catherine would benefit from continued services...people who had worked with Catherine ALL YEAR and in the case of the speech pathologist, FIVE YEARS! Their opinions hold a whole lot more credence with me than people who have known her a month.
While discussing this with Andrew, my mother calls. When I call her back, she informs me that a very good friend of my dad, whom I've known since the third grade, has been diagnosed with a very aggressive form of lung cancer. He is 71, and they say that it is so advanced there is no point in surgery at this point. That was it. That was the last straw for me, and I began to weep. I just needed to be by myself for awhile and allow myself to cry it out (although I'd been pretty teary for most of the day).
Strange/frustrating things continued into the evening. After doing laundry, I noticed a puddle of water on the laundry room floor. We aren't exactly certain where it came from, although there does seem to be a small leak at one of the hoses. Then shortly after the kids went to bed, we heard a crashing sound from Catherine's room. No one can explain why, but her floor lamp suddenly fell over and broke. She was in bed, although I suppose a cat could've been involved.
I went to bed very early last night. We also made some changes to our morning routine so that I can get a little bit of extra sleep each morning. And extra innings or not, I've got to be in bed no later than 10...it's just the way my body functions (or doesn't, if I don't get enough sleep). I'm happy to report that today I woke up feeling so much better and in a much better mood. I only got teary-eyed once, and that was when I stopped at the old school to drop something off. All-in-all, it's a much better day!
We had a pretty wretched morning of getting ready. I refuse to allow the kids to wait for the bus in the dark without me keeping an eye out, and Andrew thinks I'm completely over reacting. I've asked if he could take the kids to school with him and have them catch a bus there so I could sleep a little longer. Since he feels I'm over reacting, he refuses to do this, and points out that if he takes them, they'll be "in his way." I certainly understand that feeling, because I HAD to take them with me, pretty much EVERY DAY I'VE WORKED in the last three years. You can see where that little point might set me off a bit.
Anyway, I'm still working on painting our old house, so I get ready to head out right after Thomas gets on the bus. My tire pressure light comes on. I go to dig out the air compressor, and realize the VERY HEAVY equipment is above my head where I can't reach it. AGH! I find something to stand on, and also found it very ironic that a box I asked Andrew to put somewhere (anywhere!) three times over the course of the previous week that he had finally gotten to the evening before, was stacked right on top of it. I finally get the thing set up and realize I have no pressure gage so I'm going to have to guess which tire it is. They all looked fine, so I try one tire. Light still comes on. Second tire...light still comes on. Third tire...still there. So of course it is the fourth (and final!) tire that does the trick.
There is tons of "tree work" happening on the back roads between here and our old town. It takes a ridiculously long time to get there. As I'm getting ready to wash my hands for lunch (I pack it each day) I realize that our water has been turned off by the guy who had come to fix a valve. Not a problem, I know where the main valve is, except that does absolutely nothing. It quickly becomes clear that he has turned the water off somewhere else, but I don't know where, and I can't reach the guy. Honestly, the fact that I couldn't wash my hands to eat lunch was more than I could handle and I just began to cry.
About this time, the sciatic nerve that has been screaming at me for days begins to scream even louder, and a migraine begins to come on. Since I can't wash out the paint brushes, I find a Ziploc bag and bring them home. I really wanted to take a quick nap, but realize that Thomas has to get off the bus before Andrew arrives home with the other two, and the driver must see an adult for Thomas to be allowed off the bus. I understand this and I'm not complaining, but it stunk at that point.
When Andrew arrives home he informs me that he has received a call from the person at Catherine's school who is now responsible for her IEP. That person had informed Andrew that they would like to dismiss her from services. I was not surprised by this, as when we handed them the IEP at registration we were told they don't offer those services. This person tells Andrew that she has spoken to Catherine's teachers and they don't see a need for her to receive services. Excuse me? She is speaking to people who have known my daughter for exactly five weeks. And it's the beginning of the year...the first week doesn't even count! Add on how much more that is just review, and I'm supposed to be okay with just letting it go? At her old school, her three year re-eval was just completed in May. Everyone there agreed that Catherine would benefit from continued services...people who had worked with Catherine ALL YEAR and in the case of the speech pathologist, FIVE YEARS! Their opinions hold a whole lot more credence with me than people who have known her a month.
While discussing this with Andrew, my mother calls. When I call her back, she informs me that a very good friend of my dad, whom I've known since the third grade, has been diagnosed with a very aggressive form of lung cancer. He is 71, and they say that it is so advanced there is no point in surgery at this point. That was it. That was the last straw for me, and I began to weep. I just needed to be by myself for awhile and allow myself to cry it out (although I'd been pretty teary for most of the day).
Strange/frustrating things continued into the evening. After doing laundry, I noticed a puddle of water on the laundry room floor. We aren't exactly certain where it came from, although there does seem to be a small leak at one of the hoses. Then shortly after the kids went to bed, we heard a crashing sound from Catherine's room. No one can explain why, but her floor lamp suddenly fell over and broke. She was in bed, although I suppose a cat could've been involved.
I went to bed very early last night. We also made some changes to our morning routine so that I can get a little bit of extra sleep each morning. And extra innings or not, I've got to be in bed no later than 10...it's just the way my body functions (or doesn't, if I don't get enough sleep). I'm happy to report that today I woke up feeling so much better and in a much better mood. I only got teary-eyed once, and that was when I stopped at the old school to drop something off. All-in-all, it's a much better day!
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
I'm tired and grumpy
Yes, yes I am. I am tired and grumpy, and quite honestly, getting a little resentful. Some things have got to change around here or it's going to get very unpleasant, very fast. I love being "mom" and it truly is the best job in the world. However, "mom" is not maid/butler/cook/laundress, etc. I'm happy to do those things, but attitude, tone, and expectations go a long way in making life pleasant. And honestly, it's just as much my wonderfully dear husband as it is the kids...in some ways it's even more him than the kids. I'm tired of feeling disrespected, and I'm tired of crying.
Monday, September 23, 2013
New sleep routines
Last year on days I had to work, my alarm was set for 6:55. On days when I didn't have to work, we usually got up at 7:30 or shortly thereafter. This year, I'm losing hours of sleep each week. Andrew's alarm goes off a little before 5:30. I can pretty much ignore that, just as I did last year. However, my alarm now goes off at 5:55. I don't need to get up, but Robert and Catherine do, and that is Andrew's cue to get them up and moving. I then get up about 6:20 to watch them wait for the bus. That is LITERALLY the only reason I'm getting up. However, Andrew leaves for work before the bus arrives, and I'm not comfortable with them being out in the dark without an adult being up and with it. They are on the bus around 6:40, and I don't have to get Thomas up until 7:30 at the earliest (if I happen to be taking him to school for some reason it's even later). Some mornings I love that almost hour of quiet time, and some mornings I go back to bed for another half hour or so of sleep. I'm in bed by 10 many evenings and last night it was just after 9:30. I'm so tired so much of the time, and I'm especially concerned when I go back to work. We are going to have to come up with a different plan. I'm pretty sure that plan is going to involve Andrew taking Robert and Catherine with him to school (they switch buses at the high school anyway) on days I know that I'm working so I can get some more sleep. He resists this because he feels they would be in the way. As someone who has had my children with me pretty much every day I've had to work I understand what he is saying, but at the same time I don't particularly feel sorry for him...I did it for three years and he can step up and handle it now. In the meantime, I guess I'll just enjoy my second cup of coffee for the day!
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Struggling with forgiveness
In addition to all of the other emotions I've been feeling lately, I am struggling with forgiveness and I don't like how it's making me feel. I am truly struggling with my feelings about Andrew's friend, the baseball coach. Honestly, Andrew has pretty much put it out of his head and doesn't think about it...that's the kind of person he is. At the same time, I'm the one who personally encountered him at a scout function a few weeks ago, and I don't like awkward situations. There is also the fact that I talk to his wife about once a week and text with her several times a week, and each time I always feel like there is a giant elephant in the room that we never discuss. And of course there is the fact that we have the same group of friends. It's certainly not as though we've discussed this situation with those friends because we aren't going to sit around and "bad mouth", but that also means that everyone is assuming that we are all going to attend the same functions, and honestly that is a little uncomfortable.
I am tired of being "haunted" by this feeling, and I'm just not sure how to let go. I don't like anger building up. I truly want to forgive and move past it. Things will never be as they were, but I don't want to be angry every time I think about this situation. We have six years of good memories that I can't seem to enjoy right now because I'm so angry. I'm sure this guy isn't losing any sleep over the situation and probably doesn't even care about my forgiveness because he seems pretty convinced he didn't do anything that should offend us. I just don't like conflict in my life!
I am tired of being "haunted" by this feeling, and I'm just not sure how to let go. I don't like anger building up. I truly want to forgive and move past it. Things will never be as they were, but I don't want to be angry every time I think about this situation. We have six years of good memories that I can't seem to enjoy right now because I'm so angry. I'm sure this guy isn't losing any sleep over the situation and probably doesn't even care about my forgiveness because he seems pretty convinced he didn't do anything that should offend us. I just don't like conflict in my life!
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Living in a college town
When we decided to move here, one of my biggest apprehensions was raising our kids in a college town. I am by no means naive about the shenanigans of college students, and XX years ago (let's not go into exactly how long ago) I was a student at this very university. One of the reasons I really like the location of our house is that we are about a mile outside of town, and while that presents other challenges, in the long run I think it's for the best in terms of raising a family.
Since this community is truly a small town built around the school, it is not exactly designed to have 16,000 extra residents. I completely understand that pedestrians have the right to walk in the cross walk and that I am to yield to them when they are in the cross walk. However it does NOT give them the right to walk out in front of me, particularly when I have a green light and they have the "big red hand" indicating they are to stop. Going through campus during the day (and unfortunately, "through campus" is the ONLY way we can get into town without driving MILES out of our way...although we've done that on certain days) requires sitting through stoplights more than once. It was both terrifying and infuriating as I was trying to get to Thomas at the hospital last week. Nothing is simple if it involves a trip into town. There is also the fact that there is no parking anywhere near the place you might actually wish to patronize. And don't get me started on the prices at some of the stores because we have thousands of college students who don't shop elsewhere...YIKES!
But there are also some good things about living in a college town. There are many amenities available that most small towns don't have. There are additional opportunities, both in the schools and in the community at large, that are here because of the college. Because of the college, this is an extremely diverse school district and I think that is wonderful for the kids...they NEVER would have had that before we moved here. They will get to see Division I basketball and football games regularly, and college level drama and music performances. They've already had professors and college athletes visit their classrooms. And I have wonderful memories of how beautiful, absolutely gorgeous, this campus and community are in the fall when the leaves are changing.
That is what I was thinking about last week as Thomas, Catherine and I were walking to our car after shopping for a gift for my mother-in-law. I was noticing how there was definitely a nip in the air, and I was thinking about how much fun Saturday afternoons will be when the team is playing at home. I was feeling grateful that I didn't have to leave town in order to shop and was able to accomplish everything I wanted to get done right here in town. I was really beginning to feel at peace and almost allowing myself to enjoy and appreciate the college atmosphere...then Thomas tripped over a broken beer bottle. Lovely.
Since this community is truly a small town built around the school, it is not exactly designed to have 16,000 extra residents. I completely understand that pedestrians have the right to walk in the cross walk and that I am to yield to them when they are in the cross walk. However it does NOT give them the right to walk out in front of me, particularly when I have a green light and they have the "big red hand" indicating they are to stop. Going through campus during the day (and unfortunately, "through campus" is the ONLY way we can get into town without driving MILES out of our way...although we've done that on certain days) requires sitting through stoplights more than once. It was both terrifying and infuriating as I was trying to get to Thomas at the hospital last week. Nothing is simple if it involves a trip into town. There is also the fact that there is no parking anywhere near the place you might actually wish to patronize. And don't get me started on the prices at some of the stores because we have thousands of college students who don't shop elsewhere...YIKES!
But there are also some good things about living in a college town. There are many amenities available that most small towns don't have. There are additional opportunities, both in the schools and in the community at large, that are here because of the college. Because of the college, this is an extremely diverse school district and I think that is wonderful for the kids...they NEVER would have had that before we moved here. They will get to see Division I basketball and football games regularly, and college level drama and music performances. They've already had professors and college athletes visit their classrooms. And I have wonderful memories of how beautiful, absolutely gorgeous, this campus and community are in the fall when the leaves are changing.
That is what I was thinking about last week as Thomas, Catherine and I were walking to our car after shopping for a gift for my mother-in-law. I was noticing how there was definitely a nip in the air, and I was thinking about how much fun Saturday afternoons will be when the team is playing at home. I was feeling grateful that I didn't have to leave town in order to shop and was able to accomplish everything I wanted to get done right here in town. I was really beginning to feel at peace and almost allowing myself to enjoy and appreciate the college atmosphere...then Thomas tripped over a broken beer bottle. Lovely.
All clear
I am so very grateful to report that Thomas received a clean bill of health at his follow-up cardiology appointment this morning. I was way more anxious about all of it than I had originally realized, and the fact that we saw the doctor an hour and ten minutes AFTER our scheduled appointment did not help. The doctor was very kind and I was very grateful that it was a pediatric cardiologist. He asked lots of questions and spent a great deal of time assessing the situation...but of course during it all never changed facial expression, never gave an indication of whether or not I should be alarmed. While he was listening to Thomas's heart and lungs, I hadn't realized I was holding my breath until I exhaled when he gave the thumbs up and said, "everything seems perfectly normal."
His view on the scenario tends to follow what the e/r docs expressed...it was just one of those things. He did indicate that it could happen again, and that Thomas needs to be aware of his body and the warning signs. He suggested making sure Thomas begins drinking more liquids and consuming more salt. You read that correctly...more sodium is to be added to his diet. This seems odd, but he assured me it was the way to go. He must've thought I was crazy when I asked for suggestions, thinking there must be some sort of "healthy" sodium of which I'm aware. He responded that he needed to add table salt whenever possible, and "chips, doritos, and salty french fries are a gold mind." Okay then!
We also received very good news regarding a mole Andrew had removed last week. I was terrified by the looks of it, but the doctor was optimistic. Fortunately, the call came today that it was indeed benign.
I am so very, very grateful for the healthy blessings of our lives. I shall sleep better tonight!
His view on the scenario tends to follow what the e/r docs expressed...it was just one of those things. He did indicate that it could happen again, and that Thomas needs to be aware of his body and the warning signs. He suggested making sure Thomas begins drinking more liquids and consuming more salt. You read that correctly...more sodium is to be added to his diet. This seems odd, but he assured me it was the way to go. He must've thought I was crazy when I asked for suggestions, thinking there must be some sort of "healthy" sodium of which I'm aware. He responded that he needed to add table salt whenever possible, and "chips, doritos, and salty french fries are a gold mind." Okay then!
We also received very good news regarding a mole Andrew had removed last week. I was terrified by the looks of it, but the doctor was optimistic. Fortunately, the call came today that it was indeed benign.
I am so very, very grateful for the healthy blessings of our lives. I shall sleep better tonight!
Monday, September 16, 2013
Our (much needed) weekend
This weekend was very much needed in this house. The timing could not have been more perfect!
While we were on vacation, I noticed Andrew had a mole on his arm. The part that freaked me out was that it had a hair growing out of it. BIG ALARMS went off in my head. I insisted he make a doctor appointment when we got home. He did, and it was cut out on Friday. While we won't know until later this week, the doctor is very optimistic it was just a mole and nothing is malignant. Because of the procedure on Friday, Andrew took a sick day, and we spent the day finishing getting our house together. Still not entirely there, but enough we can sit and relax...and not "feel" the clutter piling around us. Andrew's parents arrived Friday evening and actually stayed with us, which they never felt comfortable doing at the old house. They very much enjoyed seeing our house and are so happy we've found such a great home for our family!
Saturday morning was Robert's cross country meet. Because it was a great distance away, Andrew took his parents and I stayed home to let the younger two sleep. Although the race wasn't a full two miles, Robert cut another two minutes off of his time. He is really loving this running thing! That afternoon was the school carnival where Thomas attends. He absolutely had a blast, and we got to meet the parents of the child who has invited him over. They are really nice people and it really helped me to feel at ease about sending Thomas to their house...and they are Steelers fans! After the carnival we attended Mass and then grabbed dinner. Thomas has been fading quickly in the evenings because he is still fighting a horrible cough/cold. It was wonderful to be able to visit with his parents after the kids were in bed, and especially to have his mother's thoughts and advice on things.
Yesterday we all SLEPT IN. I am so grateful for that! Andrew made an awesome brunch for all of us, then we took his parents on a quick trip to see some things. They wanted to get on the road shortly after noon, and Andrew and I sat down to watch football. It was so nice to actually be able to sit and not feel as though I needed to be running around getting something done. We still have our old house to work on, but we are really close to being able to list it for sale. Andrew and I even allowed ourselves to take a nap yesterday. The weather was gorgeous, and the nap was awesome. It was such a great day! And after the last several weeks, it was so very needed!
While we were on vacation, I noticed Andrew had a mole on his arm. The part that freaked me out was that it had a hair growing out of it. BIG ALARMS went off in my head. I insisted he make a doctor appointment when we got home. He did, and it was cut out on Friday. While we won't know until later this week, the doctor is very optimistic it was just a mole and nothing is malignant. Because of the procedure on Friday, Andrew took a sick day, and we spent the day finishing getting our house together. Still not entirely there, but enough we can sit and relax...and not "feel" the clutter piling around us. Andrew's parents arrived Friday evening and actually stayed with us, which they never felt comfortable doing at the old house. They very much enjoyed seeing our house and are so happy we've found such a great home for our family!
Saturday morning was Robert's cross country meet. Because it was a great distance away, Andrew took his parents and I stayed home to let the younger two sleep. Although the race wasn't a full two miles, Robert cut another two minutes off of his time. He is really loving this running thing! That afternoon was the school carnival where Thomas attends. He absolutely had a blast, and we got to meet the parents of the child who has invited him over. They are really nice people and it really helped me to feel at ease about sending Thomas to their house...and they are Steelers fans! After the carnival we attended Mass and then grabbed dinner. Thomas has been fading quickly in the evenings because he is still fighting a horrible cough/cold. It was wonderful to be able to visit with his parents after the kids were in bed, and especially to have his mother's thoughts and advice on things.
Yesterday we all SLEPT IN. I am so grateful for that! Andrew made an awesome brunch for all of us, then we took his parents on a quick trip to see some things. They wanted to get on the road shortly after noon, and Andrew and I sat down to watch football. It was so nice to actually be able to sit and not feel as though I needed to be running around getting something done. We still have our old house to work on, but we are really close to being able to list it for sale. Andrew and I even allowed ourselves to take a nap yesterday. The weather was gorgeous, and the nap was awesome. It was such a great day! And after the last several weeks, it was so very needed!
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