I stood in the doorway and cried

My emotions are all over the place.  Read my post I just wrote earlier...that's just a start.  There was also the hurt in my heart regarding Thomas snd his former girlfriend from last night.  My "little" guy wanted a hug from his mom because he was hurting.  A lot of emotions all right there.

We also received word yesterday about Catherine moving in to her apartment.  As of right now, we are planning on her living at school.  My sweet girl is moving out in a couple of weeks.  I don't understand how we got here so very fast in life.

My hormones are also out of whack, and today's date doesn't help.  Twenty-four years ago today my dad first became ill.  My mom and sister were out of town, and I hadn't realized Dad hadn't felt well.  I came home from work that day, and Dad was home.  His boss's wife (a nurse) had convinced Dad to go to the doctor, and although we didn't know it, his seventeen-year journey was beginning.  I can't explain how much I miss him.

Our routine has been that once Catherine goes to bed, we check on her frequently until we are certain that she is asleep.  The previous two evenings we hadn't seen any episodes, although I was fairly certain they had happened without us observing them.

Last night, I checked and she was having an episode.  It wasn't intense, and it was still less than a minute.  Andrew came and put his hand on my shoulder, and my resolve gave out.  My breaking point had been reached, and I began to silently cry while watching her.  I just needed this to stop.  I need to know that I am sending her to school, out into this uncertain (and now x's 1000!) world without this added element.  When her episodes began weeks ago, Andrew had talked to my mom and told her he couldn't believe how strong I was being about it all.  My mom told him that she wasn't surprised, but that there would come a time when my emotions about everything would all come out as well.  It seems as though right now is that time.  It all just seems so overwhelming and more than I can handle right now.

Of course though, I will handle it.  We will get through this, and I have faith that Catherine really will be okay.  She sees a counselor next week, although we are STILL waiting on the hospital system to call for other evaluations.  Lifting us all up in prayers of gratitude for how blessed we are, but also some prayers for Catherine.