One more, and then moving on

Yesterday, I felt weary.  Just bone-tired, defeated to my core, weary.  Here is the thing...the job I am not getting is an absolutely perfect fit for me and my family.  No question about it.  No doubts.  I am certain.  Last week, I had truly grieved that it wasn't happening, but in grief, you eventually move to acceptance and I had done so.  This week I was at such peace with the situation.  Getting the phone call that I was being interviewed opened up the possibility again, and that was exciting.  So when it was apparent yesterday that I wasn't getting the job, I literally began the grief cycle again.  And honestly, a bit of irritation was thrown in that I had to go through it all over again.

Compounding my emotions was the news from Andrew yesterday.  In a meeting he had yesterday morning, he learned that the school is no longer confident they will be able to have significant "in-person" education this year.  In fact, the are now doubtful that they will even open in-person because all of the trends are going in the wrong direction.  That means, no sub teaching income for me, or at least not much of it, if we can get even a few weeks in-person.  It also means Andrew loses a not-insignificant supplemental position, so it really felt like a double-whammy.  No new job, and oh yeah, your fall-back isn't going to exist either.

On the upside, my grief cycle was much faster this time.  Through my tears last night (because crying alone in bed is how I roll), I formulated a plan.  We have savings.  I will not apply for any jobs (unless I come across a great office admin job somewhere) until January.  Hopefully there will be at least a little bit of subbing, but that way I can also be available to deal with whatever needs to happen with Catherine.  Selfishly, this way I also won't be working at the holidays.  We may need to travel to Andrew's family this year instead of bringing them to us, so I don't want to be "low-man" and have to work at holidays.  Andrew agreed this sounds like a good plan.  It gives us a little bit of time to just kind of work things out, and especially to see how school plays out with subbing.

So that is the plan, and I'm moving on.  No more sad posts about losing out on this job!